Still Standing!

Hi.....I never moved to my husband's station and now that our marriage is in trouble I wish I had moved. I live in a remote NE New Mexico town and I am pretty much off the grid here it feels like. All the bases here are about 2oo miles away.

My soldier did not want me living on base without him there, and so I stayed. I just hope I can find some support and friends right now.

We have been together for two years married one. We have an age difference with me being way older. I guess since my birthday I am a COUGAR but I have never hunted so how can that be?

Who cares he asked for a divorce on R&R I Everyone thinks I am freak but in fact is very deeply in love! In all my life I have never been broken hearted 4 real and now I am.

What should I do? Am I being selfish to want to still be married? or should I just let go?

Thanks yawl I want to do the right thing by him no matter what!

No cheating on my part emotional or physical; should I keep it that way?

I am so lost and scared.

Mrs. H

fallenwife fallenwife
46-50, F
17 Responses Feb 19, 2010

Fallen, Yes! You should remain true to your vows. You made them. You will feel much better about yourself if your keep them.<br />
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No. You can't make him love you. You cannot get him back if he's emotionally disengaged. The separation makes that even less unlikely. Your chances are thin to none.<br />
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But you can feel good about yourself. Do what is right. Allow him his freedom and rebuild your life. Love will come again.

If you love him then fight. Wait him out a bit. Let him know you still love him when you correspond. Every marriage goes thru tough times. The secret to a long and happy marriage is hanging on and selective memory.

thank you so much! as usual..I have an update I will put up later. :)

You say you can e-mail. i find it very hard not to read a personal e-mail. If you get no response that doesn't mean he's not reading it.

You're welcome. You're already fan and friend.<br />
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People have free will. We can't make your husband change his mind. but the Bible says God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). so we can pray about this with confidence about what God's will is. <br />
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I doubt that he was just using you. In this day and age a man doesn't have to get married to do that, and marriage is a drastic step for a man these days given how the legal system deals with a man faced up with an abandoning wife who has a decent lawyer. I think the strife in your last time with him is the problem. Some men just really hate drama. They want peace and quiet at home. When such a man gets matched up with a woman from a family where yelling was normal everyday stuff--I'm not assuming that you were--he can't handle it at all. So that goes back to what I was saying about letting them know of your full commitment to get completely well mentally.<br />
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I think probably a big part of the problem is he's got kin or friends who want him to divorce you. My own feeling is, even if you weren't in favor of a particular marriage taking place, once it happens, it's your duty to support it. Some people would rather be proven "right" than have a marriage work, and that's evil. But you've got be as diplomatic as you can possibly be with all those people.

Sorry DX= diagnosis <br />
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Yea, I could try but I am not sure I can get him on the phone. Me either. I talked to one of my other friend in the Army he thinks he used me. I am not going to stop trying but it is all in the timing. <br />
Thanks for your support! btw how do I fan your page?

Sorry DX= diagnosis <br />
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Yea, I could try but I am not sure I can get him on the phone. Me either. I talked to one of my other friend in the Army he thinks he used me. I am not going to stop trying but it is all in the timing. <br />
Thanks for your support! btw how do I fan your page?

What is DX?<br />
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Can you use his grandfather as an intermediary? Tell 'em you're seeking treatment for your mental problems and won't relent till it's resolved--that's what occurs to me, but I've never been in your situation.

Longhorn, I would but he has cut all communications with me. I can email but there is no guarantee he will even read it. I would love to do that though because then I could get the direction back into my life! As for saving me from what's to come is sorta and idea but I would not have married him if I wasn't prepared to go forward in all of this with him. Well except this divorce thing I am not on board totally but if that is what I have to do I feel that it is selfish of him not to try at least once.<br />
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Thanks

Longhorn, I would but he has cut all communications with me. I can email but there is no guarantee he will even read it. I would love to do that though because then I could get the direction back into my life! As for saving me from what's to come is sorta and idea but I would not have married him if I wasn't prepared to go forward in all of this with him. Well except this divorce thing I am not on board totally but if that is what I have to do I feel that it is selfish of him not to try at least once.<br />
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Thanks

I am being worked up now by a Brain/Spinal Surgeon for DX and treatment. So I have no clue so far.<br />
The only person that could do that has just found out her son has Schizophrenia and she asked me to "keep the drama" to myself. <br />
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His mom used call me at least once a week to check in with me a tell me she loves me. Now she does not return my calls. So it must be bad whatever he is saying and what ever I did. <br />
His Grandpa loves me but his wife hates me. She once told me after I stated I wanted to start t try and get along because we are married. Her statement "will see abut that" so no I don't have anyone to mediate.

Is there anyone in his family you're on reasonable terms with whom you can use as a go-between with your husband? You might want to tell the person about how you're having problems remembering what the blowup was all about. If someone is having mental problems it's not surprising that this kind of traumatic memory would become a blur.<br />
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Also, are you getting effective medical treatment for your neurological problem? What exactly is the diagnosis?

Dearest, I grew up in the military and was in the military myself, and the separations that come to the military families can tar them apart. Especially those times when the military member is deployed overseas. So what to do. Sit down and find out why he wants a divorce and what you and he expect for the future. He may be trying to save you from the heartache that he sees coming. But find out. Then decide if there is room to work within that context or not. Good luck...

I just feel that way due to no communication and the unknown of what he is going through

Why do you say that?

must be hopeless