I'm Unhappy And I Don't Know How To Be Okay With That...

I started dating this great guy 2 years ago, 3 months after we started dating he left for Army boot camp to be a combat medic. We wrote and really grew throughout the 3 months he was away, and things were great. He went to Tech school in Texas and things were kinda rocky on and off, but we worked through it and decided we wanted to get married. We were married May 1, 2009 and I moved to Fort Bragg with him. He left for Afghanistan August 20, 2009. Our marriage was never perfect, as most aren't, but our love seemed to always be enough to get us through. After he deployed I moved back home with my sister whose husband is also deployed. Things were fine, I handled things well, had my own job as a nanny, and I was happy. When he came home for R&R things went downhill fast..he spent the whole 17 days saying he wanted to spend time with his family and not alone with me, which obviously hurt me like crazy. I tried to be understanding and just suck up my feelings so he was happy. I started emailing him and telling him how I was feeling hurt and trying to work on things, and our relationship seemed to be getting so much better, but all the sudden he stopped emailing. I would see that he would get on the computer and not write me, but would chat with his mom instead. It hurts to know that my feelings aren't more important than his sometimes. Like doesn't he get that I'm alone and dealing with all this too?!!!  I have issues I want to work out with him, but don't want to stress him out by talking about it all the time...how do I choose to be happy even though I feel like I have these issues?? I don't want to be miserable when he comes home, but I feel like that's where I'm headed.

Feeling pretty lonely and desperate!


KatieEmmons KatieEmmons
18-21, F
3 Responses Feb 19, 2010

I understand the family thing vs time with bride. I had thought we were going t have honey moon just him and I. Didn't happen<br />
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Its hard but I agree with IW09.<br />
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I am trying to get into words how I feel, then I am just gonna let go and let God. So"they say".<br />
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If you do find a way please please let me know!

I have been in your shoes and it officially sux. Before me and my husband got married our relationship was VERY rocky. It started when he came home from basic training and he proposed to me. I was currently living on campus at Temple University and he lived only a half hour away with his parents. I made a lot of effort to see him. I was constantly taking trains home after my classes, would stay with him all weekend, but he only came to visit me twice. And in the middle of that he disappeared for 4 days straight. I was hurt because i was there for him so much while he was away, i wrote him every single day and always had my phone attached to my hip. But when he came home all he wanted to do was be with his friends. After he disappeared for 4 days i flipped and he decided to take me ring shopping for an engagement ring, everything seemed to be fine but then when he left for germany i found out on those 4 days he went missing, he cheated on me. I was heart broken and the only thing i could do was write him and tell him how i felt and i left. We didnt talk for months and he deployed during that time. But while he was there he realized what mattered to him the most and he turned into an amazing person. I think maybe you need to tell him how u feel and then just leave him alone and get your life back on track. if he comes back then you kno that it is meant to be. its going to be hard but everything happens for a reason and in the end everything will be ok. if you need my help or need anyone to talk to write me whenever u need to!! keep your head up and things can only get better. and good luck

First off it must be very hard married to a man who works in the Army. The best thing I would suggest is just lay low for a bit. Not nag, not moan. I've notice if you do this to men. They kinda pull away from you. Maybe apologise to him and tell him that your missing him and tell how much you love him and how much he means to you and how much you really like to see him. Then leave it as that, not send him anymore messages or anything like that. Just get on with your own interests activates.. Then hopefully he'll come back. <br />
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Please not take my advice badly if you not want to use it that's ok ^__^ It's just an idea. <br />
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Anyhow take care, hope it helps anyhow x x x