Adrift

As a creator, under the depth of night, in and out of consciousness/ unconsciousness, adrift between two worlds, wondering how to capture that essence… wondering about the creative world… knowing that the best art has something new to say. It lifts us, illuminates us beyond to somewhere more sublime. We lose ourselves in that place. Truly great art makes you want to cry—the emotions so powerful and overwhelming—for a minute I freeze. I forget to breath. How do you capture this greatness?...again I drift off to sleep.

I’m flying. It’s evening… the sky is grey with fog and the trees are making art of their own with their lovely silhouettes. I pause to admire them. I’m curious. I see skylines, safety lights glowing--- and there I drift. The magnitude of their perfect design makes me pause as I simply appreciate and realize just how small I am. I fly on…

Floating into consciousness, I realize that this mentality is not limited to sleeping time. I realize that everyone is so wrought with societies expectations. In order to get lost in another world, society tells you to play a video game or watch a television show. Here, I’m wondering: Just what happened to imagination? You don’t need to plug in for that.

I’m in the grocery store. I’m focused on what I’m doing, uninhibited and not self-concious (finally!). As the cashier is scanning my selections I realize that I had arranged the cans to be most visually pleasing. The colors were balanced and organized. The sublime of the unconscious was in my shopping cart. Pausing to appreciate before the arrangement was picked up piece by piece to be scanned, I tried not to be too obvious.

Later, I’m drifting asleep, again wondering why my art is getting stale, why it feels like a chore and not a blessing. …and then…AHA!...I’ve got it! …an epiphany! To make art… I mean excellent art… you have to lose yourself in it. It becomes another world. As an artist, you drift in… and paint furiously, in your meditative state. If you’re lucking, you’re in until you finish. This is Flow. Then when it’s done, you drift out, wondering if the world has changed because of what seemed to you to be a miraculous experience. Slowly you drift back into full consciousness and realize, like waking from a dream that the world is still turning and basically the same… and Phew!... you need a shower!

Oh, but when I MEOW! Get interrupted… or when I think, Did I get enough groceries to last the week? Trying to paint again… I'm asked what I think about name-a-mundane-task… But I was just into that lovely Phthalo Green… what was I doing with that again? Staring at my paintbrush, then at my painting… then at my paint brush… oh yeah… Leaves… I was working on the leaves… and as my brush tries to find the line… a glob of paint falls on the carpet—and I rush to clean it up before it sets! I start to feel drained and uninterested—as the cat meows at me for attention. MEOW!!! I begin to wonder if there are too many obstacles. I’m frustrated, spiritually, mentally, …artistically!!!

I wonder: is the subconscious, ephemeral state required for greatness is too hard to capture even though I know I’ll try again and again… because my heart won’t let me do otherwise. To seek this state, in order to record it for other’s enjoyment, it is my calling. I wonder if I should use this Alzarin Crimson for that dahlia over there… wouldn’t that be lovely…

HeartofHearts HeartofHearts
31-35
7 Responses Mar 1, 2010

theghostinthemachine, <br />
i'm just imagining your beautiful zen gardens and hoping to stumble across one in my mind. they sound lovely... i can relate to mistaking the brushwater for drinking water... i just enjoyed reading your comment and your story. thank you for your thoughts!

when I did my large mural sized piece I would start with sketching it carefully measuring etc. then as the hours went by I would find I had quit the initial sketching of ob<x>jects and was just painting them right in there, I was in the zone. This zone might last up to over 24 hours. then fatique would set in or i would take a big swig of paint water that had been set too close to my coffee. once i realized i had gone off the canvass and had been steadily painting on the wall, definitely time for bed. As for the aranging of things, I like the great outdoors. I build "zen gardens" in remote areas that are probably never seen. Stacking rocks and balancing them clearing the debris of twigs and leaves into a asthetic yet still natural setting. some of these gardens I visit several years later to find tall columns of rocks still balanced. wild flowers are very tempromental It's wonderful too see how many of the ones planted have spread and how natures collaborative efforts combine with mine.

too cute, Artsy ***giggling***<br />
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warm fuzzies!!! hugz!!!!

SilverandIce, <br />
My experience as I've evolved creatively has taught me differently. I think that you can reach that state... that you can find flow and that it becomes easier the more that that you put in the hours. It's part of creative mastery.<br />
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....but I do agree with what you said about the unconcious mind. The unconcious mind is that point where we are most uninhibited and most free to follow wherever our thoughts lead-- the place where second-guessing just can't find a grip. i think that is a great place to be! Thanks so much for commenting :)

such a state is never reached by reaching for it. I know the state you're talking about - I've been in it many times. It's strange - I can spend hours trying to write poetry, but I end up with nothing worthwhile... but when inspiration strikes, my best work flows from deep inside - I barely pause my fingers as I type it.<br />
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I've heard it said that the unconscious mind knows everything, and that when we learn something, we're really just pulling it out of somewhere deep within. I doubt this is true to such an extreme, but I suspect that our unconscious minds are pretty much geniuses compared to us.

thank you Artsydesigns-- i'm so thrilled to hear what you have to say! warm-fuzzies!

thank you masscharade. maybe there more of us who are arranging things subconciously... that's pretty amazing. you can find a way to be creative anywhere! thanks for the comment :)