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I Don't Believe In God Now, But This Is New To Me..

Recently I've gone through a mental transition. You see, up until a few months ago, I believed in "God". As a child, I went to church with my parents, I participated in Summer Bible Camps, and I would pray. I lost my faith long ago, but never lost my belief in a higher power. Three years ago, I became a "Born again Christian", but I can see now that I was just grasping at straws. I've been through many dark struggles, only to come out the other side, beaten. I prayed to God everyday to help me in my life. I asked for simple things like understanding, guidance, strength. I've been going through some financial hardships for some time now (I've been unemployed for almost 2 years. It sucks!) and my marriage was on the rocks (I am now divorced). I prayed with all my might for God to just lend a tiny bit of assistance. It never happened.

I went to various websites seeking answers. Religion is great about laying on the guilt, and for a time, I thought something was wrong with me. At that time I had dropped the Christian label, and had started referring to my belief status as "Agnostic." Yet another desperate attempt to believe in a higher power. But in all honesty, I grew sick of all the various explanations about God.
"His ways are not our ways"
"God works in mysterious ways"
"God only creates good" (But they can't explain why, if this is so, Satan and evil came to be a part of the Christian mythology)
"God always answers, but not always in the way you want him too"
"You must have faith and serve Him, and do his bidding"
Blah, blah, blah. The list goes on and on. I think it was because of these explanations that it all just started sounding like a cult, where a bunch of slaves serve one master. These Christians claim they would happily eat fecal droppings if commanded by God. Except God isn't talking. It's the figure heads of religion that are.
Over the last few months, I realized that I can no longer pretend that there is this all knowing, all powerful being. However, years of belief is hard to erase, and I find myself praying, only to get frustrated again when... surprise, surprise... nothing happens.

I know that I don't really believe in God anymore, but I don't know who to talk to about this. I've no friends, and few aquaintances, and I just feel so isolated and alone. I've put all my faith in a non-exsistent being rather that putting it into myself, and now I'm at a dead end, led astray by the false teachings of Christianity.
Dragonhermit Dragonhermit 36-40, M 9 Responses Jul 29, 2010

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There may or may not be a god but for sure there is no god of the bible or any other man written book. Desire or even belief does not make it so no matter how much we may want it to be.

I'm not Christian but I am religious, moderately. I can see your frustration and I think most people have feelings of frustration when they are going through difficult times, especially one after the other and don't get any resolve.

When you started doubting Gods existence did you also think about the beliefs you have in creation and how perfectly designed thugs are? I'm sure once you thought God was creator, so how do you explain that now? Or do you?

Did your practice of your religion stay the same through these thoughts? Why do you think you still pray? Habit? Sorry for asking so much! I'm curious. I don't judge anyones thoughts and beliefs. I'm always curious of the transition you talk about.

Would love to hear your thoughts. Thanks for sharing! :)

Dragonhermit<br />
You do have friends, you have friends here! The people on this site (particularly in this group) are great. So are most on atheistnexus. Like Kaikk said, add us in and keep in touch. My story is similar to yours - you will find that a lot here - and these sites have saved my sanity!<br />
<br />
Congratulations, and welcome to ep - don't hesitate to talk about what is going on - it helps, and you usually get great advice on here!<br />
Sicile

Dragonhermit<br />
You do have friends, you have friends here! The people on this site (particularly in this group) are great. So are most on atheistnexus. Like Kaikk said, add us in and keep in touch. My story is similar to yours - you will find that a lot here - and these sites have saved my sanity!<br />
<br />
Congratulations, and welcome to ep - don't hesitate to talk about what is going on - it helps, and you usually get great advice on here!<br />
Sicile

Aloha Dragonhermit!<br />
Don't worry, you're among friends here. You are not alone. I think you will find that many of the atheists on this site are wonderful, friendly, incredibly intelligent, and very supportive. <br />
I look forward to seeing more of you on here!

Also just wanted to say congratulations, and thank you for sharing your story. Your self-honesty and courage has inspired me today... Keep fighting that programming and follow your heart.

Thanks for the URL. I will definately be checking it out later. In a way, I kind of feel like Neo, finally waking up from the Matrix to realize that everything was a lie.

This little slice of atheist space is a wonderful place to learn, develop and understand what you once held as truth and what you now possess.<br />
EP is not as isolated in its membership as the atheist nexus (a fine group) but tat in itself is a learning experience as you will have the opportunity to read xians and other theists comment on free thought views.<br />
Welcome and remember the words of good old Bill S. "Above all else, to thin own self be true"

Believe in yourself.