How Do You Start Your Life Over Again??

I'm lost. I'm in a religious family and the women have to pray, marry and procreate to be deemed valuable. Now in my late 20's I find I don't want to do any of the three. XD

So here I am. I don't mind working 50 hrs a week and giving that money to charity and volunteering at orphanages on Saturdays or just mentoring children who are already on this earth and are abandoned. I do feel they all deserve a good childhood. I can use my time to help some of them. Wanting to travel, read, take up sports etc. is what I'm also interested in. I'm a highly sensitive person and I just want to live a quiet life. (this is a foreign concept to my family)

If I am to marry it has to be with someone from my religion and culture and I don't want to be connected with any of the 2 haha. I can't move away as I'll be shunned by my whole family/relatives for life.

So spinster for life it is!! branded a failure by everyone in my family. Oh well!

How have all of you coped with your atheism or if some of you are childfree? Grin and bear it? Outspoken? Live far away? hahahaha
Sarah198 Sarah198
26-30, F
11 Responses Jul 9, 2012

It is wrong to assume ourselves as Atheist, just cause we are not theist. It like saying we are opposition, just because we are not the ruling party. Instead we can call ourselves as 'Alternatives". The language makers rule us this way by pre-defining terms and in order to negate one, we assume the other.

If you are up to travel or be away for work, I can help.

Well you have to obey your parents. If they deem you to marry, you marry. Yours is to obey them.

Hum, I do believe I sense a bit of sarcasm here Sir.

If they already brand you a failure may as well move away and start new.I do not have contact w/my family and I am perfectly fine with that,you can too.<br />
although I am not an atheist nor anything close but if my family wanted me to marry just to procreate I would say no.I have never had kids and never wanted any and the Bible doe snot tel Christians to procreate.I hope you can cope but much easier from a distance,trust me on this one.

Wow. You sound like an amazing person. You are not a failure because you help so many people. I could never do that but always want to. I suggest you keep doing what you're doing. Along the way you'll find someone who understands. You shouldn't be who you are not, and I hope you are at least true to yourself. If you are not, then there is really no point. If you are stuck in an area where everyone has rejected you, and if you hate where you are, then screw them. Move out, or ignore them. Either way it's your life. The religious people choose to be religious and you choose not to. And that's just how it is. Do what you think is right.

One of the purposes of religion is to create a sense of community, which is a valuable support system. Unfortunately, community members tend to pressure individuals to conform to the community's rules to maintain control.<br />
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You are part of a community that feels threatened with extinction. Rejection of the community's rules is viewed as a step closer to the death of the community itself, so the pressure exerted on you will be particularly intense. They know that they have the most power to influence you before you make your choices; later their power over you will be diminished.<br />
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What will happen if you violate the community's rules? Are you at risk of physical harm, or just anger from the community?<br />
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If you're not in danger of physical harm, do as you please, but don't flaunt it. Self-exile may turn out to be extreme and unnecessary.<br />
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If your family loves you and wants you to be part of the community, they will learn to adapt to your choices. If you're not in danger of physical harm, the worst that will happen is that they will exile you, which is what you're talking about doing to yourself anyway.

Family is not always blood. My mother has been toxic to my wife and kids, so I cut her out of my life and I am happier and emotionally healthier for it. <br />
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If you can do as you wish and your family can accept you for it, then by all means, keep them in your life and you'll be better off. If they shun you, let them, and you'll be better off.

Oh I just noticed my "hahas" are very inappropriate...nervous laughter even translates to the screen :O <br />
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Thank you for your replies...great advice very much appreciated!!

“I can't move away as I'll be shunned by my whole family/relatives for life.” No fear of honor killing or forced marriages? You should be happy you live in a progressive Muslim family. Grin and bear it because I think you love your family and can't bear to be away. Who knows, you might find a good educated Muslim man who is secretly apostate. And so long as there is no threat to your life or health, it may be good to “secretly” spread your education and enlightened thinking through the children you mentor and the women you help in your society.

You are a powerful beautiful force on earth. You don't HAVE to do anything you don't want to do. You just have to free your mind and heart from the wagging tongues and hard edged bullying of others who wish to submit their will to the ways of another time. You are held captive only if you allow yourself to be held captive. This is a big world and it's up to you to expose yourself to other cultures and ways that might suit your spirit~You're not alone, find friends like yourself for support. <br />
Wishing you ALL the best.

Marry who you want. Procreate as you want (or not). And wear your scarlet letter proudly.<br />
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(ps you don't need to be nice to orphans, unless YOU want to be)

Have you considered moving away? Several states away, or even to a different country? I moved 4,000 miles away from home (for completely different reasons; I'm also a child-free atheist, but that's never been an issue for my family) and it was the best decision I've ever made. <br />
Don't live your life in the shadow of the small-minded judgement of others. Be who you are. Make your own happiness. You only get this one life--live it to the fullest.