Does Anyone Know Where The Love Of God Goes?Gordon Lightoot asks the question, "does anyone know where the love of god goes?". The question is part of a song wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald. In reference to the worst maritime disaster on the great lakes. Nobody is exactly sure what happened, but all of the crew perished. When there is a disaster the question is asked. In the space of two years my wife caught an antibiotic resistant strain of staph; and almost died. My oldest adopted son had a violent episode broke out all of the windows in our home, plus violently kicked my already sick wife. My mom passed away. Our beloved pug died. We had a house fire and lost everything we had, plus our three remaining dogs. I got Spotted rocky mountain tick fever and was hospitalized for two weeks. All through this I kept hearing god has a plan for you. Its all part of gods will. We cant see the whole story. Every cliche in the book.
My wonderful wife has endured a horrific childhood of abuse, only to have adoptive parents that viewed her more as a responsibility passed to them, instead of the wonderful child she was.
My three wonderful children had to endure horrible suffering as foster children before we adopted them.
Myself I endured physical abuse at the hands of my Christian school officials. I was molested by a baby sitters son. I was forced to perform a sexual act, then raped by a church official.
Christians love to use the story of Job. How essentially God made a bet with Satan that Job would still love God; even if God pulled his protection away. Even if God allowed Satan to do horrible things. The bible says that eventually job got pissed and started asking god why? God arrogantly replies where were you when I created the mountains, etc... Job is satisfied god restores his riches back plus more az the story goes.
I am transgender, and I had a very rocky road to self acceptance. A road that saw me try to kill myself more than once. A road that saw me trying to quite the feminine voice inside using several substances.
I have asked the question does anyone know where the love of god goes? I can no longer believe there is a god. My question is where were you when the pain of me slitting my wrists became less than seeing my femme self looking back in the mirror? Where were you when my children's birth family left them to care for their new born brother; sleeping in shifts because they were afraid he was dying and they would have to bury him. Where were you when my wife's birth mother let men have their way with her and accepted drugs as payment. Where were you when I saw my mothers body wrecked with cancer, her greatest fear. Where were you as my wife danced with death, five major surgeries. Where were you when we lost our pets, and everything we spent twenty years working for. Where are you to answer for making my outside male and my inside female. A cross I have to bear, the cure meaning a possible alienation of my family.
I know where the love of god goes. It was never there. A loving god wouldn't treat people like this. A loving god is a figment of our imagination.
brendakaitlin 36-40, T 2 Responses 2 Sep 16, 2012