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I Am An Atheist

Does Anyone Know Where The Love Of God Goes?

By: brendakaitlin
Written on September 16th, 2012
Gordon Lightoot asks the question , "does anyone know where the love of god goes?". The question is part of a song wreck of the Edmond Fitzgerald. In reference to the worst maritime disaster on the great lakes. Nobody is exactly sure what happened, but all of the crew perished. When there is a disaster the question is asked. In the space of two years my wife caught an antibiotic resistant strain of staph; and almost died. My oldest adopted son had a violent episode broke out all of the windows in our home, plus violently kicked my already sick wife. My mom passed away. Our beloved pug died. We had a house fire and lost everything we had, plus our three remaining dogs. I got Spotted rocky mountain tick fever and was hospitalized for two weeks. All through this I kept hearing god has a plan for you. Its all part of gods will. We cant see the whole story. Every cliche in the book.

My wonderful wife has endured a horrific childhood of abuse, only to have adoptive parents that viewed her more as a responsibility passed to them, instead of the wonderful child she was.

My three wonderful children had to endure horrible suffering as foster children before we adopted them.

Myself I endured physical abuse at the hands of my Christian school officials. I was molested by a baby sitters son. I was forced to perform a sexual act, then raped by a church official.

Christians love to use the story of Job. How essentially God made a bet with Satan that Job would still love God; even if God pulled his protection away. Even if God allowed Satan to do horrible things. The bible says that eventually job got pissed and started asking god why? God arrogantly replies where were you when I created the mountains, etc... Job is satisfied god restores his riches back plus more az the story goes.

I am transgender, and I had a very rocky road to self acceptance. A road that saw me try to kill myself more than once. A road that saw me trying to quite the feminine voice inside using several substances.

I have asked the question does anyone know where the love of god goes? I can no longer believe there is a god. My question is where were you when the pain of me slitting my wrists became less than seeing my femme self looking back in the mirror? Where were you when my children's birth family left them to care for their new born brother; sleeping in shifts because they were afraid he was dying and they would have to bury him. Where were you when my wife's birth mother let men have their way with her and accepted drugs as payment. Where were you when I saw my mothers body wrecked with cancer, her greatest fear. Where were you as my wife danced with death, five major surgeries. Where were you when we lost our pets, and everything we spent twenty years working for. Where are you to answer for making my outside male and my inside female. A cross I have to bear, the cure meaning a possible alienation of my family.

I know where the love of god goes. It was never there. A loving god wouldn't treat people like this. A loving god is a figment of our imagination.
By: brendakaitlin
Age: 36-40 , Transgender
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8 responses
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    maxximiliann
    maxximiliann

    I'm so very sorry for all you've been through. Believe it or not, though, the presence of evil corroborates God's existence. Consider the following if you would:

    (1) If God does not exist, objective moral values and duties do not exist.
    (2) Evil exists.
    (3) Therefore, objective moral values and duties do exist.
    (4) Therefore, God exists.
    (5) Therefore, God is the loci of all objective moral values and duties.

    Jan 19
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      ihillway
      ihillway

      It is faulty logic to attribute a specific cause to an affect without evidence of that cause. Even if we do accept your premise that evil exists (which I don't by the way, I believe it is completely subjective) you still have to prove that nothing else could cause the conditions that you label evil before the only option left would be god.

      Did you know that when you give a single chimpanzee in a community something that the entire troop wants and they start fighting over it, the leader of the troop takes it away, and then they share it among the community. This behavior has been seen time and time again, and could be considered a code of morality. It is pretty obvious that chimps haven't read the bible, suggesting that human morality has an evolutionary foundation in genetics.

      There's one option you need to rule out that could also lead to a perception of evil before you can just up and assume it is God. What other options could there be? Unless you can list them all with certainty you can't know you have ruled out everything but god.

      Jan 19
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      maxximiliann
      maxximiliann

      Thing is, mankind doesn't see acts like ped0philia, the gunning down of innocent children, genocide, gang rape and serial murder as just socially unacceptable behavior, like, say, picking your nose at the dinner table. Rather, these acts are perceived as a moral abominations - acts of evil.

      On the flip side, love, equality and self-sacrifice are not just perceived as socially advantageous, like, say, bringing a girl flowers on a first date, but, instead are treated as things that are truly good.

      Now, animals don't have **objective** morals. When a lion savagely kills another it doesn't think it's committing murder. When a peregrine falcon or a bald eagle snatches prey away from another it doesn't feel it's stealing. When primates violently force themselves onto females they’re not tried and convicted of rape. Obviously, then, we certainly didn't “inherit” our **objective** moral sense from them.

      **Objective** morals do not come from science either because science, by it's very nature, is morally nihilistic. Where, then, do we get our **universal objective morals** from?

      Jan 19
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    Ellefem
    Ellefem

    There is no easy answer to this Brenda. As far I am concerned I think God exists, I think Jesus is who he said he was, the son of God. I also believe in evolution and that the world is much more than 6,000 years old, much more. Read the psalms, David posed this question to God as well, why are the wicked rewarded and the good die young. Why, it is the most common human question, or perhaps the more modern equivalent 'WTF!'. I share you pain. I think God cannot intervene for the most part because he is also constrained by the physical laws of this world, when he sets them aside you have a 'Miracle'. If he does too many it upsets the natural order of things. It just is Brenda, it sucks, it really does. It doesn't mean he loves you any less or is happy about the pain you have to endure. Read the psalms, read the anger and anguish of David as he called out to God. Know that God said David was a man after God's own heart. Are you really that different than David? Are any of us?

    Sep 18, 2012
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      ihillway
      ihillway

      This doesn't really answer the poster's question. If God created everything, he designed the system, he designed the rules, and he planned in all of the suffering. Being omniscient, he couldn't not plan it in.

      "Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?"
      Epicurus

      Oct 2, 2012
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    ReginaLve
    ReginaLve

    Brenda,
    I am not going to tell you that the pain and sufferig your family has been through is part of God's plan. Those that do are speaking without realizing that God made so much more than just the humans who live on this earth. God's plan, since the fall of Adam has been to redeem (bring back) humanity into the fold of God's protection and care. It is and was never promised that we would have a life without challenges and heartache. Even God has not had that; think about the Jesus Christ you had heard about as a child. What I do want you to know is that you do not go through this life alone. You have many friends around to support you. I understand the growing up and dealing with tg issues. I have had times (and still do) when I want to destroy myself. My spouse had a massive stroke in August 2010. I care for her daily. My ex told my sons bad things about me because I had to find work too far away and could not visit them. She also used my gender identity issues to prevent me from keeping them overnight or more than a few hours. In spite of all of that it is still not about how I care for God, it is about how God cares for me. Whenever I fall, which I do often, I am quickly accepted back into the family just as the prodigal son was accepted. Please ne aware of those of us who truly care for you even if we have only spent time together here in this sacred space.

    Hugs,
    Regina

    Sep 16, 2012
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      brendakaitlin
      brendakaitlin

      Thanks regina, I appreciate your care. I truthfully have a hard time calling myself an Atheist. I lean towards agnostic sometimes. I hesitate using the word Christian, as I do not identify with the right wing that has co-opted the term. I grew up one of those narrow minded people. I started moving away from that about four years ago. If God is there, I feel like he/ she is very tolerant, but I also feel that they are hands off. They let us suffer natural consequences for our good and bad choices. I try on a daily basis to live and practice the
      Philosophy of Jesus. I don't believe in a literal interpretation of the bible. I don't believe the bible to be inerrant. I believe in evolution. My wife says I am the little child asking if god is so great why did my dog die.

      Sep 16, 2012
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      ReginaLve
      ReginaLve

      I would agree with your take on the bible. For the bible to be inerrant, all translators must be perfect and as humans none of us are. One of my seminary professors (also the Dean of Students) reminds us that he will be wrong in his teaching about 30% of the time, unfortunately he never knows which 30% is wrong. I also do not believe God is "hands off" in his/her approach to humanity. As humans I think we have made God to fit our mold when we should be trying to make ourselves into the mold of God as seen through Jesus Christ. I also grew up in a conservative christian background but am open to hearing other voices and letting the Holy Spirit guide me to a place of peace and comfort in my understanding. My you be blessed in this also.

      Sep 16, 2012
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