Well, Heres Me

Im a filipino teenager living in America. My parents were born and raised in the philippines but i was born and raised here. My parents are hardcore Catholics. We go to church ever week and yada yada yada. My grandparents were also catholic. My parents had no choice but become catholic. Their parents and their cultural enviroment were all about catholicism. I, on the other hand was born and raised in america, land of cultural, religious, and opinion diversity. I was baptized as a baby. since then my parents sent me to catholic school. My parents dragged me along to church with them on sunday and i had to go with my school every wednesday. My friends and their parents were catholic. At a young age ive always questioned religion, but i was a child so it was nothing deep or something i took seriously. I remember always thinking what if jesus and god were fake and everyone involed in church and worship was just part of some chain reaction someone started. I was living in the age of technology. The internet became my home. It was there that i learned about the ideas and opinions of others and stopped relying on my parents for information a guidance. The starting poin of my doubts in religion was when i first learned of evolution. Yes, my catholic highschool taught evolution but the priest had to talk to us first before the lesson started, i was sick that day though. After learning about that i began to think everyday about why people and animals do what they do and are the way they are. The thing that REALLY sparked my doubts was history class sophomore year, learning about the 'evolution' of different religions from all different parts of the world and all different parts of time. At that time i thought to myself, maybe this whole religion thing WAS a phony. But i still believed in god. Basically because, well i didnt want to let go. i wanted somthing to believe in. Around that time was when my 'confirmation' as a catholic began. i had to attend classes *outside of the classes i was already taking in school everyday* with young people around my age to learn about the love of god and why we should believe in him and confirming will make us strong in our faith. Even though those classes were aimed to strengthen my faith i just kept doubting and doubting and doubting. *if god loves us so much why would he let his children be torchured for eternity*after all these years i still dont understand why it was necessary for him to have his son torchured*why is the judeo christian god the right god our opinions would be much different if we were born in another country***. many things like that were going through my head. i just wanted to be left alone to think. but my parents, wouldnt leave me alone i was forced to pray, go to church, pray some more, go to church some more *we started going to church on more than just sunday* then pray some more. I was getting frustrated. I didnt want to be a part of it all anymore.

Through the internet and school, i was gaining a growing love for science. Biology, physics, chemistry i just wanted to learn more and more. Shocking to me but maybe not to other people, my parents dont belive in evolution or extra terresrial life, and if there was extraterrestrial life "they would believe in the judeo-christian god as well". what WHAT!?!? something was just so wrong to me about them. I was browsing the science section of the bookstore one day and came across richard dawkins famous *The God Delusion*. and i was able to get to the part about "coming out" as an atheist. everyday since then i was browsing the internet for anything atheist related. i was reading forums and posts and was watching videos i became obssessed with the topic. To this day i proclaim myself as an athiest. I... i just feel so liberated. i feel like im finally seeing the truth. i no longer spend fear induced nights thinking about hell and some imaginary man watching me. I no longer fear having to tell and old man about every little bad thing ive done. I no longer fear what will happen to me after i die. I see life in a totally new perspective. its no longer a temporary test to see if i qualify for eternal life or torchure. its a precious small slit of time that i have been given and i cannot waste it. i dont make good choices for a future reward, but to make my time here and the time for others worth something. before atheism, multiple times ive thought about killing myself so that i could go to that place up in the sky. it horrifies me that i used to think that way. My life as an atheist isnt easy. My friends and family are all religious. when people ask me about what i believe in and i tell, they look at me as some crazed, ignorant, rebellious teen. when people say theyre religious its like "okay youre religious", but if you say youre atheist people want a long explantion of how and why you came to be. the forced praying and church-going has become worse. My mother, my own mother, tells me she doesnt love me, "god is her number one and if her daughter doesnt love god then she is not her daughter". She yells at me, wont let me talk, doesnt want to see me. and when she is finally calm, she is only calmed by her denial that i truly am ATHEIST. thats the hardest part for me is having to deal with my family. this is where i currently am. if you finished reading this thank you. sorry about the gramatical and structural errors of this rant sort of did this in a hurry.
leedleleedle leedleleedle
18-21, F
1 Response Sep 24, 2012

Perhaps you might consider a more intellectual and less perfunctory study of nature and the universe?

"A little knowledge of science makes man an atheist, but an in-depth study of science makes him a believer in God." - Francis Bacon

“The first gulp from the glass of natural sciences will turn you into an atheist, but at the bottom of the glass God is waiting for you.”

“In the history of science, ever since the famous trial of Galileo, it has repeatedly been claimed that scientific truth cannot be reconciled with the religious interpretation of the world. Although I am now convinced that scientific truth is unassailable in its own field, I have never found it possible to dismiss the content of religious thinking as simply part of an outmoded phase in the consciousness of mankind, a part we shall have to give up from now on. Thus in the course of my life I have repeatedly been compelled to ponder on the relationship of these two regions of thought, for I have never been able to doubt the reality of that to which they point.”

–Werner Heisenberg, who was awarded the 1932 Nobel Prize in Physics for the creation of quantum mechanics (which is absolutely crucial to modern science).

“Those who say that the study of science makes a man an atheist must be rather silly.”

–Nobel Prize winning physicist Max Born, who was instrumental in the development of quantum mechanics.

“I believe that the more thoroughly science is studied, the further does it take us from anything comparable to atheism.”

“If you study science deep enough and long enough, it will force you to believe in God.”

–Lord William Kelvin, who was noted for his theoretical work on thermodynamics, the concept of absolute zero and the Kelvin temperature scale based upon it.

“Science is incompetent to reason upon the creation of matter itself out of nothing. We have reached the utmost limit of our thinking faculties when we have admitted that because matter cannot be eternal and self-existent it must have been created.”

–Physicist and mathematician James Clerk Maxwell, who is credited with formulating classical electromagnetic theory and whose contributions to science are considered to be of the same magnitude to those of Einstein and Newton.