The Secret Atheist

I've been living with a secret for over 15 years now, since I stopped listening and started thinking, and this is the first time I have ever confessed it..

I was born in a strict Muslim country, forced fed religion since I was 4, and I grow up believing all of it, but I was always confused, something just didn't make sense, like why all my none muslim friends will go to hell, no matter how good or nice they are, or why does god allow so much suffering in the world, when we are told everyday that he's the most peaceful and merciful.

At school, I was always told to read the holy book and discover the miracles within it, except that  I didn't find any, every sentence was about some ancient supernatural event or got twisted to reflect a modern scientific fact, but it doesn't take a genius to realize that it was all just plain silly, when I once asked my teacher how come there is nothing about the dinosaurs in this magical book, or why does it say the earth is flat, I got shouted at till I cried, never again I learned.

So I finally decided that I don't have to follow these people like I'm some kind of a blind goat, my mind told me it can't be true and I became an atheist, and I was happy and relieved for a little while, but then it just became a huge burden, cause where I live, if you're a none believer it means death, so I kept my mouth shut, acting like someone who isn't me, and I don't know how long I can keep it up.

Some times I wish I was just like the rest of the people around me, I wish I would've just listened to my teachers and didn't allow my self to think, it's just way too hard to live you're whole life with such a secret, so here it is, you're last chance god, if you're really up there, make me stop thinking.. if only.
anonymousAtheist anonymousAtheist
31-35
3 Responses Jan 5, 2013

The power of religious suppression.

well , i no how u struggle bcs i used to be a muslim & now im secretly atheist
there s a lot of us , pre-muslim , who live hiding there beliefs & who dare to show it , s really facing a real **** , jailed or may be just rejected from society
the only solution is to escape , some muslims r dangerous & u no wat i mean
leave , immigrate , be a refugee for a free country

The reason why reality does not conform to the Koran is because the Koran is not God's word. The Bible is. Read it. Read in Genesis how God created a paradise for man to live in. As you are reading Genesis, note how much of it Muhammad borrowed. Also, read how man rejected God's paradise and all the pain and suffering it caused. Read in the book of Matthew and then in Revelation about God's plan to fix man's screw up.

You can read the Bible Here: http://www.biblegateway.com/ . Make sure you pick an easy to read version like the default one, New International Version. To make it easier to read, select the "Passage Lookup " link on the left side of the page. To start reading, type in "Genesis 1" into the "Enter Passage" box and then press thy enter key on your keyboard. Know this, if you live in a strict Muslim country, your computer activity, everything you read and write can be tracked back to you. So reading the Bible can put you in significant risk.

NickAtNight, did you miss the point where the author says they are an atheist? Why would your religion (which closely resembles the one from which they'd like to be free of) be any better?