I Have No Faith.

I have a memory, though a distant one, of gazing out the window of my mother's brand-new midnight blue station wagon, following a stream of light with my eyes from clouds to earth.  The rain had only just ended, the clouds were breaking, and at that moment a rainbow settled across the sky. 

 My stepfather turned from the passenger seat, and in some rare moment of intuition sensed my thoughts.  He told me that rainbows were "God's promise to us of his love".  He was always spouting some doctrinal bullshit.  I couldn't have been more than five or six, but I remember the crushing disappointment in hearing that answer to my silent questions.  I just knew it wasn't true. 

Over the years I sat through endless hours of sermons, bible studies, and youth groups.  Silently, I marveled at those around me and their willingness to believe anything falling from the mouth of the man on the pulpit.  I was reticent, quiet. But I never believed. 

There are times I have desperately needed someone to guide me, and I have wished for faith.  Would it have been easier to face my life's trials with a strong power at my side?  To believe that someone out there was caring for my delicate soul?  Maybe.  But I've never been able to to delude myself with the allure of false divinity. 

I have never believed in God. Nor Karma.

I have no faith.


natlynn natlynn
26-30, F
18 Responses Jun 15, 2007

natlynn, thank you for sharing this experience with us... it's well-written and candid.
The self-deluded speak of faith in reverential tones, and yet faith is merely belief that has achieved escape-velocity from reality.

Max, your copy-paste asks the question "which is more reasonable?"
The answer, obviously, is "this life is all we have, so we had better make the most of it".
Any other questions?

"When Sarah Jayne was 19, she learned that she had ovarian cancer. Following surgery, she felt good and was optimistic about the future. So optimistic, in fact, that when she was 20, she got engaged and began to make plans for her wedding. That same year the cancer returned, and she learned that she had only weeks to live. Sarah Jayne died in June 2000, just before she turned 21.

What impressed visitors to Sarah Jayne’s bedside in the hospital was her calm confidence about the future, along with her deep faith in God and his Word, the Bible. Despite the terrible tragedy she was facing, she was sure of the resurrection hope—that she would see all her friends again. (John 5:28, 29) “I will see all of you in God’s new world,” she said.

Some dismiss that kind of faith as delusional. “What else is the afterlife but a belief among the insecure,” asks Ludovic Kennedy, “that at the last trump there will be cakes and ale, even caviar and trumpets for them too, that in some leafy Eden they will share happy hours with those who have gone before and others who may well come after?” To that, we must raise a counter question. Which is more reasonable—to believe that “this life is all we have, so we had better make the most of it,” as Kennedy suggests, or to believe in God and his promise of a resurrection?" http://bit.ly/15bhUUl

Ignorance IS bliss.<br />
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I think many Atheists have at some time thought, "I wish I'd taken the blue pill," or perhaps I have an unsee button hidden somewhere....<br />
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Eventually, I think we all learn, as I feel sure you have. It is better to be alone in truth, than in the company of delusional morons.

I hear 'ya. Danton, Lenin, Sanger, Than Shwe, Stalin, Mengele, Mao, Kim Il Sung, Ceausescu, Honecker, Castro, Pol Pot, Broz Tito, Milosevic, Bonaparte and Mussolini were oppressive, sadistic, democidal atheists who, collectively, butchered ***hundreds of millions*** of innocent men, women and children.

Good company indeed!

I lolled when I read your list. All those you mention are mere amatuers. The REAL murderous swine are those, who in the name of xtianity, staged the inquisition. Only the deluded, led by their own hunger for power could have plunged the world into such dark AGES as xtianity wrought upon humanity.

You’ve trivially transformed each and every spiritual faith into a demon then simply slayed these with your hollow rhetoric. Your particular contention is not with all spiritual beliefs but false religious beliefs. Christ’s teachings have continually been - and are still - absolutely nothing less than a marvelous blessing for everyone ( http://bit.ly/14G3fPF ). Why , then, do you dump the proverbial baby out with the bathwater?

From Max: "You’ve trivially transformed each and every spiritual faith into a demon..."
Actually, Max. although we all realise that you desperately need her to have written about religious beliefs, what she actually talked about was "I have never believed in God. Nor Karma. I have no faith".
Of course, you just rolled right over the top of that (didn't even notice the bump, huh?) so that you could get to your usual pap about what you see as your christ's teachings and just waiting in the wings will be a blizzard of copy-pastes from some ridiculous jehovah's witness website... tedious, as always.
Natlynn was describing her atheism for us, Max, and talking about the evident strength of character that it has sometimes required of her... not offering you a chance to proselytise and to repeat (yet again) your trivial and unfounded claims.

1 More Response

"i had doubted the existence of god then one day i took a helicopter trip into the mouth of the grand canyon as we lowered ourselves into the canyon i could feel gods majesty surrounding me! like i was in god's hand then and since ive had no doubt that a higher power is real and created me for a reason i see the signs a lot in my life usually when im not looking or when something happens and later its revealed to me why it happenned!"<br />
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People always like to cite the beauty and grandeur of nature as proof of God's existence. They never cite the ugly side of nature. No one ever says "Look at that lion, gnawing on that zebra's carotid artery. That's God in all His splendor right there!" or "How can you doubt the existence of a higher power when you look at that stagnant swamp?" God gets all the credit for the good and none of the blame for the bad.

You should read my inspirational story, "Yes there IS a god!"

I may just be another comment but your words are true. I was raised in a heavy catholic family. I was put in psr which is on monday nights and we study God. I hated everything about it. It was wrong they wanted me to believe something that I couldn't grasp I felt guilty and wrong for my thoughts. I told my mom this because I was at my breaking point and my family moved to Arizona because they didn't want to cause me pain any more. Thus we became Athiests.

First, your story is perfect, I loved it. second, oops, I love how you say we all have our right to believe or not bt that it is our disbelief that accounts for all the worlds ills, how very noble of you. I suppose my question to you would be if lack of belief brings about world misery why do countries like Iran who drop to thier knees 5 times a day and the united states who prays to god in every form known to mankind, not exist in paradise?<br />
Oh, and another thing, everyone knows that everytime you see a rainbow God is having gay sex

I heard that everytime you see a rainbow - it's because god comes in six fruity flavors... all over the face of the Earth.

They say "that" was god is those books and "that" is what god is. What if you just decided to dream god to be a beautiful lie one day and truly believe that "lie" you made of god? then would you have faith?, atheist, I believe know the god within so fully, beyond what most others do not, to do so, they must deney god totally to understand the "god" within. do not say you have "NO Faith", do you not have faith in yourself then?? I guess that may be the confession. but i believe in you, whatever you make of life of not. remember this, just because some book said something, doesn't make god that, what if god were endless in what "YOU" could make it/him/her.. whatever to be,?? why not? why not just dream?

i had doubted the existence of god then one day i took a helicopter trip into the mouth of the grand canyon as we lowered ourselves into the canyon i could feel gods majesty surrounding me! like i was in god's hand then and since ive had no doubt that a higher power is real and created me for a reason i see the signs a lot in my life usually when im not looking or when something happens and later its revealed to me why it happenned! usually its a lesson of some kind to learn about good and evil and how u need to live by your conscience and when i dont and do something bad i get my payback maybe not right away but it ALWAYS evens out the laws of the universe u dont mess with u dont kill in cold blood and think u can walk away without any payback its not real there are always consequences and they arent mans doing they are gods! the unseen power that surrounds us, challanges us, nurtures us and drives us crasy always teaching always giving us choices we have to make to be the best we are capable of that s what god is about to me! love of myself and my fellow man compassion, hard things to live by especially when u are victimized by evil i was once tortured by someone beaten unmercifully and left he wanted to kill me but another guy stopped him and they robbed me, twenty years later i still want to kill him i rmember his face and u know if i saw him today i would take him out or him me and down deep i know id be wrong but id do it anyway, but thats just me,something i cant let go of, so iask why did god make him do what he did, figure that one out i havent but it sure as hell doesnt make me a non believer?

whatsername: We shouldn't believe in God 'just in case' - nor should we worship Him because of fear. We should worship Him because He sent His only begotten Son to die for our sins.....and when we accept His free gift of salvation - we will spend eternity in heaven when we die.

@Oopskitty: We should all believe in God 'just in case'? Everybody should worship God because of fear?<br />
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Anyway, I agree with this story.

Your story truly saddens me. You have every right to believe there is no God - just as I have every right to believe there is a God. I fear that your non-belief is much more widespread than mine. That unbelief is, in my opinion, what has made this country worse as the years pass by. <br />
One thing about it - if you are right about there not being a God, then I have lost nothing by believing in Him. However, if I am right and there is a God, you have lost a beautiful eternity in heaven when your life here is over.

It's a sad and pathetic argument that you make. Obviously you've been schooled to respond in such a way by other apologists, however, you'll find that your argument doesn't hold water, since taking the bible on strictly MORAL terms, it doesn't hold up at all. I have read your bible and find it sorely lacking in ANY of the qualities that define rational humane human beings who are able to accept things as they are without suffering and/or encouraging delusional thinking amongst other people.

Great story.

I pray there is a God. I was raised Catholic but I don't really know.

I support and agree with your view. My story is a bit different but once I knew that there was no god, I have never thought otherwise no matter how bad I might have wished that there was.<br />
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It has been over 33 years for me.<br />
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Keep the fai.... Um Keep the Truth!

Let me start by saying that your story seemed so sad to me, but I believe that people have a right to believe what they want to. However, as someone who does believe in God, I just want you to know that there are times in my own life when I feel doubt. I think everyone does. But because of my own life experiences I know there is a God, or higher power.

I like this story, you are a good writer. I too have wished for faith. In the past I did believe in God and I can tell you it is easier. Prayer, however futile, is so comforting and helps you through the toughest of times. I consider myself an agnostic as opposed to an atheist because I can't say that I believe there is no God - I have no way of knowing. But I doubt it. If he is there, what is his point? Is he just an audience member watching the ultimate tragedy? Sometimes I still ask God for help, but then I think to myself, even if he is listening I doubt he would answer my prayers since I have no faith. But then maybe he favors us because we are smart enough to question!

Wow natlynn thats almost exactly how I feel!! I cant even add anything else, you took the words right out of my mouth.