I Have No Faith.
I have a memory, though a distant one, of gazing out the window of my mother's brand-new midnight blue station wagon, following a stream of light with my eyes from clouds to earth. The rain had only just ended, the clouds were breaking, and at that moment a rainbow settled across the sky.
My stepfather turned from the passenger seat, and in some rare moment of intuition sensed my thoughts. He told me that rainbows were "God's promise to us of his love". He was always spouting some doctrinal bullshit. I couldn't have been more than five or six, but I remember the crushing disappointment in hearing that answer to my silent questions. I just knew it wasn't true.
Over the years I sat through endless hours of sermons, bible studies, and youth groups. Silently, I marveled at those around me and their willingness to believe anything falling from the mouth of the man on the pulpit. I was reticent, quiet. But I never believed.
There are times I have desperately needed someone to guide me, and I have wished for faith. Would it have been easier to face my life's trials with a strong power at my side? To believe that someone out there was caring for my delicate soul? Maybe. But I've never been able to to delude myself with the allure of false divinity.
I have never believed in God. Nor Karma.
I have no faith.