Thanks, Mom.

I was born and raised in the Catholic Church. I remember leaving sleepovers early and missing soccer games (even championship games) so that I could attend the weekly service with my mother. From a very young age I disliked religion, but my reasons changed as I grew older. My parents divorced when I was seven, even though that was against Catholic beliefs. My mom didn't start yelling until after the divorce, and she didn't hit me for a year or two after that. Whenever she was stressed, she told me. Sometimes my response would calm her down. Sometimes that same response would make her cry. Or yell. Or hit. Or drink. Usually some combination of the five. My dad (non-religious) never did anything because he had just started his own business and he wouldn't have been able to support me without my mom's money. I never understood how any god could condone a woman who treated her child so terribly. Conclusion: if no god would condone her behavior, there must be no god. When I was about ten or eleven, I started to see the logical fallacies that religion presented. I had a great appreciation for anything that required thought and logic, and I believe that religion is a means to control free thinking and prevent creativity. Religion is such a waste of potential. When I was thirteen, I told my mother how I felt. She hit me, but I was old enough to fight back. She ended up nearly strangling me before the police arrived (my sister called). That incident held no consequences for her, however, and she managed to convince the police that she was simply trying to break up a fight between my sister and I (although we vehemently protested). I'm now in college, but I still go home occasionally to see my dogs. A few weeks ago, my mother had a bad day and she decided to take it out on my sister and me. (My sister lives with her and commutes to school, and she's been suffering from depression for a very long time.) Eventually I locked myself in my former bedroom to get away from the drama, but I could still hear my mother asking my sister if she would just kill herself already so that people can get along better in their own lives. Five minutes later, I left my room and saw my sister sitting on the floor in her own bedroom, holding a knife in her hand. I ran in, started hugging her/restraining her from slitting her wrists. Her phone was on the bed behind her, and I was trying to call 911 without her noticing. I didn't know the PIN for her phone so that didn't work, so I began yelling loudly, giving my sister every reason I could think of for living. Eventually I managed to get the knife away, but not before I got a three-inch-long gash in my chest. I ran into my room to grab my own cell phone and came out to find my sister walking to the bathroom with another knife. I grabbed that one and called the police at the same time. They arrived twenty minutes later. All that time my mother never came upstairs to help. When the police arrived, she did manage to shake hands with every officer and introduce herself. After an ambulance took my sister to the hospital, I went back to my dad's house (we had to let the dog out before I could go get stitches, of course). At the hospital, my sister refused to see anyone but me, but my mom went in anyway because apparently it was necessary to tell my sister that her perfect little world was ruined (I don't know about anyone else, but I can't find anything perfect in my life or my sister's). Two days later my sister was back to living at my mom's house (they put her under a three day involuntary hold but she got out early). Last week my sister stole over $200 from me, and threatened to kill herself if I told anybody. She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, and I know that her threat was empty this time, but I can't stop thinking about it. My mom needs the same diagnosis so badly, because I know that she has the exact same problems. My sister and my mother are the only religious people in my family, yet they are also the craziest, most irresponsible, most inconsiderate, and most hateful. I've experienced some terrible things in my mere 18 years of life, and I don't know how any greater being could allow that sort of thing to happen to an innocent child. When some religion can explain that phenomenon, maybe I'll consider believing in a god. However, I don't have an infinite number of years to live, so I'll be devoting my life to science, because it's actually based in reason.

furterae furterae
18-21, F
15 Responses Mar 1, 2010

I believe in God but I do not believe in him like most people do. RELIGION sucks. I have not found one yet that I believe in. When I say I believe in God that is about as far as it goes. <br />
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I don't think God is a being that cares what we do or that can intervene in any way. More or less I see God as the creator of everything and that is about as far as it goes. Beyond that, God is not what we have been taught to believe. God is more or less a force that exist in everything. A benign force who's only power is that of rules of the universe in creation (gravity, dark matter, dark gravity, etc.). So asking God for anything will get you exactly what ever it is you expect or believe but here is the clencher, it also works the same way for all of everything else in existence so somewhere along the line there are conflicts so someone (or something) has to loose in the request. So asking God for anything will not get you anything cause he/it has no say in the matter because he/it is not a sentient being that filters request from his/it's little creations as most people think. More or less, God is the glue that holds everything together with the rules of science/universe.<br />
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You could just as well say that there is no God but then you could not explain how things came to be as they are so there must be some power that is beyond the human condition or capability. Evolution does not hold up to science and can not explain a lot of things about creation. That is where my God comes in but that is as far as he/it goes. God doesn't make decisions and can not answer "prayers" or heal or save or any of that nonsense. That comes down to the human level (answered prayers, healing, etc.). More or less, God is another rule of the universe. Something that can be quantified and recorded by science.<br />
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I applaud you for your resilience in your life. That you are sane enough and have the cognitive facilities to evaluate everything and come to the decisions you have shows that you are willing to step outside of the expected parameters and explore the true truth of the universe and not be tied down like the other lemmings in this world.<br />
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There are ways to "show" your sister the fallacy of the Bible so that she can break free from the chains of religion. I was a bond servant of religion for 25 years. The entire time I was learning and coming to more understanding of everything and I was willing to step outside the box and see more than the spoon fed diatribe that came from the ones in power. When I as willing to accept that knowledge was my responsibility and pursue the quest for true knowledge I found it. I believe it works the same for everyone. A true quest for knowledge will reveal true knowledge. Science, indeed has a lot of those answers but there are many it does not have.<br />
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There may be hope for your sister yet. If she is willing to open her eyes to the truth, the real truth. Not religion "truth". Have a look at this post in my blog from a few years back. It was part of my journey of escape from religion's bonds and hold on my life. It might help your sister see that her religion is built on a fallacy. Of course it would only work if she was willing to see the truth.<br />
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This makes me think a moment and I just realized I don't know what I am. What to classify myself as when trying to label my beliefs. Strange, I'm not an Atheist, though my beliefs probably most closely resemble an atheist', because I believe in God. There are no religions that I know of that fit with my understanding of the universe and God. I wonder what I am?<br />
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Anyway, keep your chin up and pursue your dreams and truth. Believing in a God does not mean you have to be religious or a part of any religion that gives God some power over you beyond what you know the universe has over you already.

I don't think she has that disorder, I think it is all your mom messing her up with her bad parenting or lack of parenting. My mom sucked, but yours sucked far more...but how much do you want to bet once she gets out of that house she gets gradually better over time and your mom stays the same but only hides it better.

Futurea... I am so sorry that you've suffered as you have. Know that reason is indeed the path to be on.<br />
<br />
james<br />

The sympathy goes both ways erniefairbanks...Last comment...So fairwell!

Proselytizing by christians in this group is strange, but to be expected. She tells a sad story, and I feel sympathy for heartonnalivewire on a couple of levels.<br />
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I was touched b the original post by furturae, and I hope that foregoing belief in myths for a science and factual based view of the world will free you from the idea that you deserve anything bad that happens to you, or that some mystical guy in the sky doesn't care enough to intercede when bad things happen. As a former christian I found my acceptance of atheism, and rejection of all things mythical has been very liberating. <br />
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Religion is bad. Best wishes futurae, I am impressed that you see the value in reason at your age. I think you are going to be allright.

Thx...That was sweet...(: <br />
Yep...Was damaged And... broken...But healed now...Glory to God!<br />
Be blessed (;<br />
Take care.Bye bye.

You poor damaged thing

I'm so proud of You for bettering Yourself and not letting Your mom's abuse and obivious control freaky mentality(don't mean to offend)consume You.I am not trying to judge Her,cause its not My place.It seems like She has let the laws and rules of "religion"contort and twist Her morals and common sense of what it means to be a mother.You cannot beat a Child into believing or submission.You can't take a extreme firm hand to a child in the name of "religion."Or believe that You are justified in abusing Your child,just because the Law says disipline your child.The enemy takes what God says about disipline and twists it to make someone believe they are "doing right by the child" or they just enjoy the feeling of supreme control over another and try to mask it behind "religion."Some hide behind "religion"to make others believe they are good,strong and decent people.When in reality they are bad,weak and repulsive.They veiw religion as a cover or smoke-screen to hid their true intentions.When in reality,their religion has exposed them.Religion and faith are different.Religion is just a collection of laws and rules,that are put there to make You fear breaking Them.Religion tells You..Don't do this or that and If You do...You'll burn in Hell.Faith tells You..If You do this or that...Its ok,Your human and there is forgiveness.Christianity has been so scrutinized and picked apart,that the true meaning of Christianity has been lost.People who "claim" to be Christians,have given true Christians a bad rep.GodFree:Realizing You are a sinner,means humbling Yourself in acknowledgment of Who You are.A sinner,lost and alone.When You realize that You are a sinner in need of grace,You repent...That means to turn away from the sin You have been wallowing in.You are not equal to Hiltler,because Hitler kept wallowing and didn't turn away from the Horrible,despicable and inhumane acts He was commiting.But in a sense,You are just as lost and decieved as He.Sin is Sin.One is not greater than the other.But You see,Hitler and nepoleon wanted total control.They believed they were like God.They could give and take life.They wanted to press their will onto everyone(there are some people,claiming to be Christian and some people who truly love Jesus,thinking they are trying to win souls,that try and press their beliefs on everyone{I use to be one,but I have grown and realized thats not the way to win souls for Jesus,it only pushes people away} and if You don't follow suit,they condenm You,and thats not right) But back to Hitler,nepoleon-- if not followed,the people died.They were dark and twisted dictators.But in reality,they were scared little boys,hiding behind their smoke-screen.Once a person acknowledges His/Her sin and repent.There is no more condemnation for the sinner You USE to be.So,Your not reminded by God of the sinner You use to be.But like I said.I'm not here to try and convert Anyone.I'm not here to try and convince Anyone.I mess up everyday!I stumble everyday!And if I sin,there is the beauty of forgivness.Loving God and trusting Him,I know not everyone embraces that.I'm not crazy enough to believe everyone will change,just because I tell Them of Jesus' Love and acceptance.Being a Christian,isn't for everyone.Following Christ and believing,trusting and keeping Hope in Him,isn't what some consider life.But for those who truly love Jesus,It is life.I don't feel the need to defend My husband and the way He use to be.He's not the same man He use to be and that in itself is awesome.That alone has strengthened My faith,that there is a Wonderful and Glorious God,that loves Me enough to accept My husband's repentance and give Me the man I prayed for,for years.He has a glow that radiates from Him and a true and undeniable love for Jesus.As for Your mom,and many,many others claiming to be a Christian,Some people are so far gone,that unless something happens TO THEM,they will never change.Cold,hard truth.She(They) seems to use that "Religion"Smoke-screen to try and control everyone around.She may go to church,do bible-studies and be in numerous church-related activities.But that doesn't do nothing for the heart of someone if Their heart is as stone.That is very sad.<br />
With that being said,I'm going to close.I hope I have not offended anyone.It was not My intention if I did.I know that what I have said may not click with some and that's Ok.But it makes sense to Me.I know My heart and I know Jesus.Thats enough for Me.So be blessed and live peacfully.Bye.

Hey guys,<br />
@Heart: I'm very sorry for how your husband treated you, and I can't express how happy I am that he changed his ways. While belief in a higher power may have worked for you, it is probably not the most effective way for me to deal with my childhood. My mother has already accepted God into her life--she reads the bible regularly, goes to church every week, and is in a small faith group. She also abused her children. "God" was not able to change her ways when I was a child, and he has not changed her ways now that I am out of the house and in college. Unless she accepts a new god into her life, theology is clearly not the answer. I went to church for many years, and I attended religious education classes through eighth grade. I think religion is really helpful in fostering community involvement, and I believe that there are emotional benefits for some people who choose religion, but I do not believe that any "god" can actually change my situation. I need to change it myself. I used to pray to God for my mother to stop treating me terribly, but many years later, nothing had changed. I am out of the house and in college now because I worked hard to get academic scholarships. I have a job now because I filled out applications and followed up on them. I saved my sister's life because I've learned from past experiences that there was no superhero up in the sky who would stop things from going too far, or getting too bad. I did these things. I had some other wonderful people in my life who helped me accomplish these things. I am not going to credit the nonexistent for saving my sister's life, and I am not going to credit "god" for getting me to where I am today. Christianity/Belief in a higher power may be a source of inspiration for some, but it is most certainly not the same as or effective as direct action by real humans.

The above comment is from the heart, I truly believe that. But here again is the problem with Christianity.<br />
This poor woman was the punching bag for this piece of crap for ten long years and on top of that she feels she must embrace the human sacrifice purported to have occurred by jesus , why? because she is a filthy sinner in need of redemption.<br />
I am not in the least bit surprised that a person who's self esteem is so low as to have endured physical and emotional torture for all those years would also embrace a faith that first makes you confess to being lower then slime, equal to Hitler, brethren of Pol Pot and unworthy of love.<br />
Its a very sad faith.

Ok.Let Me start off by saying.<br />
1st : I am in no way trying to change your mind,convert or convince You.I am just commenting.I know You have Your own opinions about God and I can not change that and I'm not trying to attack You in anyway.I just want to make that known to You and anyone else who might and will read this.<br />
2nd : Having suffered at the hand of an abusive husband,I relied on God to bring Me through.I know that a spouse and a parent are two totally different situations.As a child You can't get away from Your abuser.But in a sense,their alike.I trusted this man to take care of Me,to love Me and protect Me.But,instead I got mistreated,hatred for his upbringing taken out on Me and left totally vulnerable.Sure,there were times I didn't understand why God would let this happen.But then I realized that It wasn't God's fault.I shouldn't blame Him for the flawed human condition.Yes,He created Us,But We have the choice,weather to be good people or bad.I don't blame Him for the choices and actions My husband made.I can't hold Him responsible for what "J" did.He's not a puppet master that just pulls some strings and things go all daisies and sunshine.Its not like that.I went through Hell for 10 years.I was slapped,punched,face slammed into the dash board,cussed like a dog,punished,scolded,kicked,kneed,elbowed,slammed against walls(resulting in a miscarriage of My second child)So many,many things.But I went through these things to make Me who I am.I'm still alive aren't I?And so are You!Because God wasn't ready for Me to come home.I learned how to defend Myself.I learned how to let words not bother Me,kinda like water runs off a duck's back.I learned who I was in Christ.He suffered for the world and at the hands of Humans.I suffered at the hand of a human.He was not the cause.He was not the reason.He was comfort,when I felt I couldn't go on and the freedom I felt when "J" was away.<br />
My reality and Yours differ greatly.Where as I learned to grow and trust in God,through the hell I lived.You,learned to believe He was not real,because of the hell You went through.God did not want abuse for You.But I believe He seen that You would Be a strong person.Of course,There is damage there.Deep scars that never seem to fade.But I learned through destruction comes renewel.Out of chaos comes calm.The wound is remembered,but healing always takes place.I learned that if I just let go of the pain that God would(and did)heal Me.<br />
As for My husband( :) ....He came to know Jesus,11 years into Our marriage.We have been married for 16 years.The change in Him is radical,amazing and wonderful.But He made the choice to change.He decided He didn't want to be a horrible,wife beater anymore.He has told Me that My faith In God,brought Him to Christ.For the last five years,I have had to learn to trust this man,that I was so scared of for 10 years.I had to learn to love Him all over again.I just knew that one day,something would set Him off.But God showed Me that He was very sincere about being very sorry for what He put Me through.He went through hell in His childhood and had so much anger inside of Him.I didn't know what He went through to make Him the way He was.You never know what another has went through.The deep scars that plague them everyday.I have forgiven Him.Forgiveness has set Me free from becoming like He use to be.I could have let the abuse make Me cold and bitter.I could have succomed to the anger I felt and let it contol Me.Anything that You let control You or consume You,be it anger,pride,lust, You believe it or not...Is Your god.<br />
3rd : I'm so saddened By what You went through.My heart aches for You.She mistreated You and Your sister horribly.I cannot say I know exactly what You went through.My parents never struck Me in anger.But I can relate to the hurt,confusion and anger You have most likely felt.I am not trying to shove My beliefs on You at all.Even though You choose not to believe in Him.I know He loves You and He crys for Your pain.Thats all I'm gonna say.I pray one day,You heal. Bye.


You're a strong person and I think you do a very good job handling the circumstances.. I think you're absolutely right about the last part of your story, no god would give this live to an innocent person. I hope you'll sister and mum will get a bit better in the future. Stay tough!

furterae,<br />
<br />
It takes a lot of strength to remain a realist rather than find solace in the escapism of religion. It's a sign of your strength. Hang tough furterae.

I was going to pass on commenting on this story as I am so far from qualified and just asserting that your moms a *****, well it rings rather trite.<br />
But I am going to comment, I want the theists to see what you have done. You did not bend a knee to a god and ask for aid, you did not refer your poor sister to the wisdom of some stone age collection of fairytales nor quiet her rage at her mother due to some accidental filial relationship.<br />
You were there for her, you spoke new and original words, not rehashed witticisms from 2000 years ago.<br />
You took her hand, something an imaginary super being could never do, you made contact.<br />
This is what atheism is, in action. It is doing for others because there is only us to do it.<br />
Thank you for your actions and good luck in your life.