I Eat When I'm Bored, Which Is Always.My story isn't very different from others', I imagine, but I think I will feel better all the same just writing it out.
When I was young I was very thin despite eating twice my weight in food each day. Ok so that may be an exaggeration, but I ate a lot. Up until about sophomore year I didn't even think about my weight. Thinness just came naturally. Even through the end of high school I remained thin, though as all teen girls do I criticized myself and the genetic "belly bump" that I couldn't lose no matter what.
My point is, I was still thin. My weight never topped 120 and I was 5'3".
Now it is 3 years later and I'm married with a one year old son and another baby on the way. I won't go into my emotional issues but there has been a lot of stress for me since graduation and I don't have any friends at all that I talk to besides my husband, so most of my time is spent alone with my baby. This results in a lot of boredom and when I'm bored I often find myself eating for no reason.
I am pregnant so obviously I've gained some weight from that but most of the weight I've gained is not baby weight and was there before I got pregnant. I used to be naked shamelessly around my husband but now I stay covered up and only like to have sex in the dark. It doesn't help that my husband sneaks and looks at ****. It always starts fights but he does it anyway and it hurts. How can I compare to those girls?
This adds to the stress that causes me to eat. I probably sound like I am making excuses but trust me I know why I eat but it's not so easy to stop. I can look at food and say I'm not going to eat it but then I'll think about it constantly and I'll just end up eating it later.
I have read some about ways to solve this problem of emotional eating. Some experts say to develop a hobby. Even though I am a stay-at-home mom I don't have time for a hobby, chasing my son around the house takes up all of my time and energy. Some experts say to utilize your support system. As I said, I have literally NO friends. The only people I EVER talk to are my husband, son, mom, dad, and brother. That's literally it. Some experts say purge your house of sweets and other tempting unhealthy foods. Well, I'm a baker. I'm trying to start my own business. Even with a house full of vegetables and no sweets around, it would take little time and effort to whip something up from scratch.
I am disgusted with myself but that just makes me want to eat more. It's a self-perpetuating cycle. I guess what I am looking for are ways to discipline myself that don't involve others or eliminating the temptation. I want to be able to look at a pantry full of Little Debbies and not eat them all within a few days. I guess what I need are ways to change my thinking, not my surroundings.
Sorry for the long post and any typos (I'm on a mobile), and thanks in advance for comments.
GunpowderTreason 18-21 1 Response 0 Nov 29, 2012