Emotional Wreck And Thats Not Even The Half Of It..

So my emotions are all over the place..
i think this is the worst its been in 3 years, i guess its sort of been building up.

So i was in school, and towards the end/graduatiing ect..
I had a massive fallout with my best  friend, she sort of went into stalker mode, i had to have a restriction put on her to leave me alone,
as soon as she left me alone, i lost contact with all my other friends and my attitude turned to 'i have no friends, so why bother going out?'
my family got drove out our house because of a gang with weapons, so we ended up staying with my auntie for 3 months, that put me in a strange place with no-one to talk to apart from family..
we finally moved into a new house which is out of the city..
the nearest park to us is a hour walk [whenever i was upset at my old house, i always used to sit in the park]
From not communicating with anyone for 3 years as such, ive developed social phobia..
..i cant answer the phone, answer the door, i cant get on a bus, or even just go to a shop without being in fear..

my mum and dad have litterally no money from paying the bills&rent ect..
so i sit around in a emotional wreck doing nothing..
the longest period of time i havent been out the house was 4 months
i just feel like i need a holiday to get away or go out..
but money is a major object, so i guess an emotional wreck im going to stay..

i dont think ill ever get my confident-self back again..
but im hoping i do come back soon :(

warmness warmness
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 4, 2010

you should bother going out because there are other people who need a friend, like you. i'm scared to answer the phone too.lol people think it's dumb, but i just get scared. like i want to hide. do you feel like that to? like you just want to hide? i think that you should start by walking outside, breathing fresh air. start slowly. when you are okay with that, start going to small stores. find a park, since you like going there. being with kids is less frightening than with people our age. i think. and start off like that. you don't want to die like this. maybe someone will need you, to be there for them. i'm sure someone will. your parents do. even if people sometimes don't show it, humans get attached no matter what. don't feel bad, there is a solution to everthing, all you have to do is will it. you have to want it......to not be scared anymore. you can have more fun in life. <br />
sincerely, Jennifer

Have you thought about going to school ? You could get a student loan and go to school. You could also get a job ? I just know sitting there is going to drive you even more crazy. Try to get out , meet some new people ?