All Or Nothing

I have been an empath for as long as I can remember.  This does not mean that I understood as a little girl what this ability was or how to
use it.  I was always drawn to family members that were sad or worried.  It was by pure compelling instinct to always ask are you ok, can I do
something for you???  I also found myself as a child asking those that were angry..."are you mad at me"?  Anger confused me the most.  I
would feel that I was the root cause.  So I spent many days feeling very confused and scared.  It took a long time to see that I was picking up on energy, that I myself was not the cause or the effect of.
It has been disabling in my personal relationships.  I am one that has an extremely difficult time asking for help in any given situation.  I am drawn to give and not to receive.  I have yet to master this dynamic.  I work on it now.  I also work at cleaning my energy.  I want to experience my own emotions.  I want to feel me.  This is one of the most difficult tasks being empathic.  I never really know if I am depressed, anxious, uneasy or if I am picking up on the world. 
I now wake in the morning and try to center myself.  I draw in energy during sleep.  I wake exhausted most mornings.  So I lay in bed for a while before getting up.  I clarify what I am feeling.  I do a mental check list.  No I have no reason to be depressed.  I have or have not a reason to feel anxious.  Why do I feel worried if I have nothing at the moment going on? on and so forth.  It really helps set the base for my day. 
I like most of you have problems being in large crowds.  Some days I have to force myself to do errands.  But understanding the real underlying reason helps to calm me.  I am getting really good at self pep talks. 
Some days are more intense than others.  I now can recognize these types of days.  I will take a long hot bath.  Clear my mind, burn white sage, heat  lavender oil.....and "relax".  Take the time to rehash my day and dispel what negative energy is not mine to carry. 
My experience has been that the one I am to help must be helped.  Or the compelling urge persists.  I now know how to single this person out from a crowd.  I finally am learning to keep random energies from draining me. 
This may not be all cases but it is my favorite time.  I love the phase of the full moon.  It seems to scramble peoples energy fields.  I can be out and about with no stress during this time.  It's as if it has protective powers.  I can feel my own emotions.  And I feel centered.  I also make it a point to be outside at night standing in the light of the full moon.  It feels refreshing. 
Now instead of engaging everyone that I encounter that needs me.  I find myself saying silent prayers for many during the day.  I do this and walk away.  In some strange way I know I have helped them without giving all of me away.  Like I said earlier, I know now which ones I am destined to personally help.  The others, I ask for a higher source to ease their pain.

Thank you for listening, and many blessings to all of you!

terijo1638 terijo1638
2 Responses Jul 21, 2010

I too had a very confused childhood as you say. It took me a long time to understand the anger was not pointed at me. As you both have experienced.... most people are sad... though they do not know why.. they know deep inside there is something missing. That took me longer to understand, mostly because everyone kept telling me that I was wierd... so I just figured it was me that had some parts missing. <br />
Not until my teens, when I noticed how very different girls were.. though I could not see why. After I left home and in the military did it begin to make sense to me. What I had been feeling was estrus.. something boys don't have. So from that I learned there was a direction that these feelings came from. Some came from outside of me... some from me... there was a difference. <br />
What I learned as a youth I set aside to live what I had wanted.. a normal life.. to have children and love them as much as my mother had me. My father loved me but there was an empty place.<br />
Not until my children were grown, until after my life had gone so wrong did I return to what I had learned. To me.. we are all born empathic.. it is the amount of sensitivity you allow that brings the words which are the language of the empath... emotions... feelings. The trouble is that we use our other language also.. the one we learned to speak and write, the one where you happen to be born. This language is used for our daily.. worldly tasks. These words have several meanings that are often in conflict with our native laguage.. the language of the empath... feelings.<br />
Learn the big difference between thinking and feeling. One has to do with logic the other has no logic.... for there is no logic in an emotion... and no emotion in logic........................................... Lou

I can seriously relate to this. Most of my friends either have been or are clinically depressed, and I can't walk past a person who looks sad without asking if they're okay. Even when they tell me they are, I can tell when they're lying. It's insane. And I just found out tonight that I might be an empath.