I Had No Idea There Were So Many Others Like Me, But Does The Rest Of The World Think We Are Crazy?

Until 5 minutes ago I would have never thought to see a group of empaths that numbered more than 10, honestly. I was so certain of this that I am 44 years old, been very active on the web since it all started and yet I never looked for groups of others like me. Saying your empathic is so much like saying you are a victim of alien abduction and experimentation. True or not 95% of the population wants to commit you or put you in prison for perpetuating a fraud. Very few believe for some it is true and a fact of life.

I for one do not believe it was destiny I was chosen to be an empath by any higher being, I believe it is a matter of genetics and enviromental factors that create what we each are. I think what I am trying to say is I do not think it is some special power I have or that was given to me, no magic that I can access that others can't. I believe genetically I am an emotional person and due to my enviroment, I focused on reading others emotions in order to suvive.

I decided to not read the stories of other members until I finished posting my story as I want it to be pure me, I do not know if anyone else has this problem but I tend to be a people pleaser and once getting a feel for what others want to hear I drift towards giving that instead of where I am actually at and what I stand on.

As I said enviroment has played a huge part in developing my talent. What I am about to share is not to receive pity, but is a complete picture of what I believe shaped me. I grew up in a home with a mother who suffered from borderline personality disorder. She has major mental health issues her entire life, so for my entire life as well. She had been severly abused as a child - her mother started locking her in the cellar for up to a week starting at age 3, she was beaten by her and mentally tormented unmercifully. Her mother would often attempt sucide and would make my mother watch her attempt this telling her it was all her fault. She was one of 5 children, but the only one mistreated, the others were left unmolested (her siblings admitted all of this to me after my mother had died 8 years ago). She was also gang raped by 10 to 14 high school age boys when she was only 7 and her mother blamed her for acting like a ****, for that was why they did that to her, because she let them know that was what she wanted.

She never spoke one bad word against her mother my entire life. She only made exceses for her, saying she had it so hard. My mother was the polar opposite of her mother. Where her mother was cold, cruel, uncaring and selfish my mother was warm, loving, selfless and kind. She never laid a hand on me, told me she loved me many times a day, hugged and kissed me, talked to me, listened to me and taught me to be a kind person. That was on her good days, on her bad days she would get upset because you didn't like the chicken noodle soup she made for you (she would add ketchup or cheese). Then that turned into her being inadequate, you hating her which spiraled into depression. She would lock herself in her room for a few hours or up to 3 days. If it was a really bad period she would also attempt sucide. I have memory or nearly 20 attempts that I know of and helped her through.

She chose to marry the worst of human kind, my father, who beat her, had countless affairs, beat all the children and was a raging alcoholic. She stayed with him for more than 40 years, until the day she died, no matter how we begged her to leave him. I even offered her to live with me and I would take care of her for the rest of her life, she would not go. She beleived he was what she deserved, for she so hated herself.

My older half brother began molesting me when I was 5 and I had to deal with him and later others, all through my childhood. I never had a safe place, I never knew a real childhood. I had to deal with adult issues and problems from the time my feet hit the ground walking.

I do not suffer any personality disorders, or major mental illnesses, but do deal with depression from time to time. I have had years of support and therapy, which helped me to accept me, but never has it helped me to connect with humanity. My problem there arises from my natural (I do without thinking about it, or how I react to it) abilities to "feel" others emotions. I was so affraid of setting off my mothers dark times I learned to feel and receive the emotional energy she projected without ever saying a word. If she tried to lie I would instantly know she lied and what she was really feeling.

I do not know what it is that I read or how I read it. To me it feels like a wave of energy that I can take into myself and feel what they feel, or maybe a chemical like a feramone that tells me what they feel. Distance makes no difference, I can do the same thing on the phone 3000 miles away, and if it involves a major issue with someone I am close to I can feel it without any knowledge of the issue going on. I feel a shift a change in them and know something is up.

Even to me this sounds great and cool and highly advantagious. Nope - not the case for me. For me this means every negative thought someone has about me, every doubt they struggle with involving me, well I pick up on it, I know it. I did not understand that everyone processes a full range of feelings in building a relationship with others that is riddled with this negativity at points, and that it is normal. I just thought I was very unlikeable, for a very long time, until I was 40.

It has left me with a very small circle I trust and the number I allow to get to know me is very small as well. I can count all of my friends from my total life span on two hands. It is not even 10, including family.

It is odd however because I am a true, honest, trustworthy, loyal, caring, giving person. I would never betray anyone I am close to, I have never been unfaithful to anyone. I have never stolen from a friend, or betrayed their trust with something they entrusted me with. Very few people get close to me however, and I believe that is because I see so deep and without realizing it, I speak to them about core issues with them, often ones they do not yet know or won't admit about themselves.

I see every person in the world as being damaged in some way. Now I don't see this as as character flaw, just as their humanity, the way we all are. I am willing to give anyone a chance, as long as they try to be decent to others. If someone is self absorbed and liks it that way reguardless of who they hurt on their journey, well them I have no desire to get to know.

Another factor that contributes to my lack of connecting with others is I try way too hard to have others like me, for them to see me, that it detracts from the normal process of getting to know one another. Knowing this and learning to love myself has had little affect in changing this as it is a life long natural habit of mine that i rarely realize I am doing.

I want to know if anyone else has any of these issues and if you do (did hopefully) what did you do to overcome them without using your talent for your own gain or hurt somone. I see how this skill could be a dangerous unfair advantage over much of the population and I will never take part in that.
pieceoftrash pieceoftrash
41-45, F
6 Responses May 12, 2012

i didn't suffer at the hands of people who were supposed to take care of me and love me like you did, well, except for my mother. But in no way at all as horible as you had it. I do think that, like you, my sister and I both had to learn very quickly from a young age what she was feeling and thinking so as not to cop it from her. For a long time, I resented her for what she put me through, but I've come to realise that it helped me develop my ability without me even realising it, the same goes for my sister. I've only just learnt that what I have has a name and it's put me on a journey that I am excited to have started. Good luck to you and thank you for sharing your story

Read Psalm 22 @ www.BibleGateway.com<br />
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It's an amazingly detailed prophecy of Christ's crucifixion - written @ 1000 BC<br />
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His bosom friend - Judas - 'lifted up his heel against me'<br />
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But, in the Spirit, all who love Jesus, worldwide, are spiritual brothers & sisters<br />
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1 Corinthians 3 calls us living stones in the eternal building of which Christ is Cornerstone - as plants in the garden of which Christ is the Gardener<br />
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Prayer can move the hand of God on the far side of the world, so distance is no ob<x>ject<br />
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Praying for you

you have lived an almost parallel life to me. Age.. childhood.. abuse.. your thoughts seem to echo mine your reasoning also sounds just like my own. what you have written (so well btw) has made me think again & look at this from a different angle. I dont feel at all blessed or gifted up until the day i 1st heard of empaths i was 100% convinced i was cursed i still feel that way I get very little pleasure or enjoyment from this condition/trait/affliction whatever name it falls under. But we seem to differ a bit spiritually i agree it is a genetic inheritted thing & i also learned to read people or pre read situations in order to act accordingly & in the process i lost who i actually was because i could snap in & out of a range of "me,s" depending who i was around, i people pleased (still do) without even thinking about it. But i feel a little differently about why i am this way..is there a ultimate reason or end result because i am so sensitive? Was i born this way for a reason? I cant help but think Yes & ill try explain why briefly ok. My mother was the hardest coldest woman to me ( i had 3 brothers & a little sister) but she doted on her boys & loved her little girl, i cant recall a single cuddle or kisses or even a genuine smile from her. i in time thought it was because my dad loved me so much she was jealous, i heard her tell stories of her own mother being so nice but my gran died when i was young so i never knew her, i also overheard stories of her unstability binge drinking & possibly a suicide attempt or 2 but everyone loved her including my mum no one could say a bad word about her. I was named after my gran so i also assumed that i was a constant reminder of my mums loss another black mark on my head.. i remember promising myself id be everything my own mum wasnt if i had kids one day. I now have 3 children & love respect & openly adore them all i kept my promise. but after learning more about empaths & similarities & common traits they share i learned it was inherited so after much thought i conclude that my gran was an empath but obviously had no idea, as was my mum again she had no idea about it, And even with all the knowledge available to us nowadays it is still a total taboo to talk about & a mind **** to live with so for them it must have been unbearable. None of her other kids inherited it but me so she i assume learned to read them know when they lied or felt sad or whatever but as empaths rarely pick up on other empaths she couldnt read me & i guess i just made her uncomfortable cos she never really knew with me, I was always accused of lying never believed or trusted, now me The 3rd generation empath has learned from not just my own mistakes but everybody around me their mistakes too ive perfected it a bit i suppose tried to see it for what it is & not let it drive me insane or to drink or suicide (my mums an alchoholic) a secret closet one mind you.. lol.. Like you im not mentally damaged depression occasionally but i deal with this so onto my kids they are i believe all empathic too but by now this 4th generation is getting some support guidance acceptance & i understand them without having to read or pick up from them ive tried to teach them the good positive possible uses & drummed it into them that they alone are in control of their happiness that these feelings dont have to rule them or change them. I actually believe that it is an evolution step & one day we,ll all be empathic its nothing new its just been trickling down through generations slowly & quietly waiting to be discovered, disbelieved..ridiculed.. dissected scientifically..medically proven then hopefully moulded & perfected for the next generation & the next. I do believe my kids especially my youngest have the cabability to change this world with there kind caring loving compassionate empathic natures but with the razor sharp in built lie detector they will not be lied to or cheated or ridiculed or laughed at, they will know & be drawn to only like minded people & will not tolerate anything less, sifting out & getting rid of the bad, accepting only the good . <br />
Jeeez.. sorry that was so long & drawn out didnt think it would be.

Honestly I don't even put it in the same catagory as those who speak to the dead or have visions of others memories. They don't seem like the same thing. This feels like I (we) can interpet signs or energy that most people fail to notice, like someone with superior hearing that can hear tones or frequencies others are not aware of.<br />
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My husband does not often lie to me, but it does happen on rare occasions (maybe because he never gets away with it), on the most recent occasion I got warning vibes immediately. Since I suspected it I attacted the weak points of his story, and rapidly too. I really through him off guard and even though I did not trip him up I had my answer when he got so flustered. I knew like I had him on video tape that he had lied.<br />
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He refused to admit (he's a bit stubborn) and I refused to back down, like we were in a standoff for 5 days. Then I dropped it completely, acted normal and in good spirits. That evening he said, "I'm glad you realized I didn't do it".<br />
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My reply, "I didn't change my mind. I know you lied like I know you are a male. There is nothing that would change my mind. I am just through being mad about it so I decided you owe me one free lie, of my own choosing and when I choose."<br />
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"So your saying two wrongs make a right, and that justifies you lying to me? Thats not right" he said.<br />
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"I didn't say it was right, but it's fair. If you aren't gonna be man enough to admit it to me and apologize for it, then I must find another way to restore balance. This is a equal partnership not a dictatorship. If you didn't want me lying to you then you should have started by not doing it to me."<br />
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I continued, "and what you were thinking I don't know, you know I constantly catch others lying even if I only point it out to you. You know I can feel something that feels off when they tell me. It's like showing me a jigsaw puzzle with pieces all crammed into the wrong spaces. You laugh at all the things I catch other people being dishonest about. Guess it's only fun when it's not you."<br />
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Hours later, "would it make a difference if I admitted it now and let you know I am sorry for it. I get frustrated never being able to hide things from you, or feel things without you knowing what I am feeling without me saying a word. It makes me want to rebel sometimes, just to get something by you. It was only a bit of mischief, I didn't betray you"<br />
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I forgave him, but reminded him how much he valued trust and how important to him it was that he could trust me. He enjoyed the security of that trust because he had never had issues putting it in any kind of doubt, but that I no longer had that security he still enjoyed.<br />
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This ability is both burden and ability to me, but to those close to me as well. I get frustrated and hurt by feeling too much and he gets burdened by never feelings to himself. Its difficult on us both at times.<br />
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I would really like to learn to control it, be able to turn it off. Then I'd like to learn how to seperate my own fears from what I am picking up. I have always had a much harder time being accurate when the subject is personal, and difficulty with how I should react for personal and professional situations. I have too often made emotional decissions ba<x>sed off of what I felt and not what was said.<br />
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How have you dealt with these issues?

Empaths are drawn to each other. If you accept who and what you are, you quickly begin to discover this. Non-empaths are skeptical because their brains just don't work like ours. They don't feel the truth beating in their hearts. They just can never understand.

I agree. The way I see it, being an empath is sort of like being an animal whisperer. It's just something you are. It's not a magic trick or anything.