Hurt And Rejected Again.

I pour out my thoughts, I tell people what I feel, what I believe, and im looked at as if I have no idea what im talking about. I doubt my best friend believes me about my empathy most of the time. I always try to help people, and always tell them what I feel, but the only ones that listen are a few strangers I met online. I solve there problems and then they talk to me anymore. I cant count the amount of times I feel used and undesired. Its like im only here to make everyone else feel better, but no one can do the same for me. Its all I want, just someone to tell me they understand, that they know what I feel, they know what I am going through. But instead I am ignored.

Its hard for me, to tell people what I am. Not just because a lot of people have a hard time believing that it is even true, but at times when they do, they want proof. Proof? I can barely do it when I want to, and stop it when I dont, and I am supposed to control it for others? But thats all i get,. no matter how hard I look for someone to just get it, all I find is disbelievers or criticism because its not what they want. My best friend is constantly making choices and doing things with others. I want to help her, but she wont listen. No matter how many times what I say is proven right she never listens and things always turn badly. Then she cries to me as if I can fix it, but there is nothing I can do. Then she starts it over again with someone else and I am the one who has to deal with the clean up. How am I supposed to handle this? How am I supposed to help my friends when I cant help myself. Sometimes I cant figure out what I am feeling, what I am thinking. Love, hate, I dont know what I feel for the world or the people around me, whats mine or theres. Sometimes I think I am going to go insane thinking about it.

Even now, I feel I am wasting my time. I post a story, I hope and pray that someone reads it, someone that can just tell me they get it. But no matter how hard i try I am still ignored. Why on other sites am I the one ignored, am I the one cast out? As if im not good enough in some way, but no one can tell me why.
Drakonais Drakonais
18-21, M
2 Responses May 12, 2012

I feel the same exact way and it's a relief to know i'm not the only one.

i am also feeling wasted, unnoticed and unwanted in the crap city I live in. I often feel so low that I should want to vanish or take meds to feel better.

I dont like to take meds, it stunts my creativity. I dont really feel so much that I want to vanish. Its just that, I truly want to find some people who could help me, rather then always finding people that i end up helping.