My Personal Myriad

I cannot possibly describe in words what I felt yesterday when I heard the word "empath" for the first time in my entire life. (I am 17 years old) This feeling of not being able to explain what i feel or "just know" is most certainly not new to me. When I heard the word yesterday my eyes welled with tears. I felt so much relief, happiness, excitement, curiosity, and self acceptance. I have grown up in a rather strict Roman Catholic family, where I felt that my intuitions and abilities juxtaposed what I was supposed to be. Now I realize that I'm not alone. I am no longer the only one. What I can do is a gift, not a curse, and it can be used for good.

I have been rather fortunate to grow up in an open-minded environment. However, my father, I am afraid will never accept this aspect of who I am. I have long accepted this as I have had numerous experiences since birth. My mother (who I am certain I recieved my empathic abilities from) has seen and recognized me as a psychic before I even knew it about myself. She has plenty of stories of me as a toddler speaking with dead family members, feeling our friends' and family members' emotions from a distance, and even occassionaly predicting the future. We have always just merely referred to these experiences as things I felt. Her question to me has always been, "What do you feel?" Describing the myriad feelings is so incredibly difficult and the most I can ever say as proof is "I just know." "I just know that grandpa is so very angry at grandma and I just know that grandma is freightened and I just know that you need to call them because I don't want her hurt." At the same time, I would feel his anger and I would feel her pain and I feel my mother's concern and I would feel my father's scepticism in the other room and I would feel my sister's jealousy. At times like these, it has been more difficult than I can describe to hold myself together. I often have a hard time separating their feelings from my own and I find myself zoning out due to pure desperation of peace and my own thoughts.

Of course, not all of my experiences have been overwhelming. More often than not, I have been grateful for my unexplainable ability to connect with such a diverse group of people and my ability to truly understand them and make them feel understood. It makes overjoyed when I can bring someone out of their dark shell and show them happiness. I adore the connection that this has given me to people from every race, culture, and background.

I think the reason why I am here is quite simple...I think I needed to feel understood for once in my life rather than being the one understanding. I am still confused what this means for me and my life and I'm still trying to figure out the extent of my abilities. But I also know that I'm not alone now and that maybe now I can have someone or a group of people to turn to. For that, I am so grateful.

I have so many questions that I feel so compelled to write!

Do you ever doubt yourself?

Do you ever want to just help someone, anyone and everyone in the world so badly that it hurts?

Because you are empathic, do you too sometimes feel the emotions of spirits and ghosts?

In a romantic situation, have you ever experienced love with a person who may have not had your best interests in mind, but you chose to almost ignore that because you understood them and appreciated them as just another type of a person? I feel like that may not make sense... I often get myself into trouble because I have a truly hard time seeing flaws in other people. I only see (or want to see) their good attributes sometimes. Does that happen to you too?

Is/was focusing hard for you because there are sooo many observations to make?

How do you deal with sensory overload?

How do you separate your emotions from everyone else's?

Does anyone you knnow abuse your abilities?

Do you usually tell people about being empathic?

Have you ever tried empathic healing?

How do you recognize when it is time to put yourself first? Do you feel selfish for it?

Is it possible for you to block out your intuitions and ignore the fact that you are empathic? Do you even ever want to?

Are you told that you are blunt?

Is it hard for you to hear it when someone says that they understand you, when you know for a fact that they arent even close?

How important is it to be in a relationship with someone who understands, really understands you?

I'm not sure if it is possible to love all of you but I do!

My beautiful beautiful friends,

thank you so very much, from the bottom of my heart for hearing me.

oowhitecloudoo oowhitecloudoo
18-21, F
1 Response Mar 3, 2010

thanks for reading that! :) i know its really extensive... and thanks i'll probably be taking you up on that. :)