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I Am An Engineering Student....again

Good day everyone!

I'm an engineering student, AGAIN, I have a sorta degree which is more than enough to get a cozy job but I want to expand my mind with a broad field including some extra math, people that can "do science" for real *sorry folks*, and submerge myself into a different world to return richer for the experience and with a nice paper to prove it. But I've snagged myself on roadblocks of work that is hard on average, and thus extra hard for me since my best is usually just enough for the bar I placed there in the first place, I don't know any other way, I practice restraint and self-discipline just to keep that in check! But I feel like this time I'm really just in over my head for the first time in seven years.

However what I find is 6 headed monster functioning like a company hardly giving a hoot about any of the higher values of science or engineering caring mostly for the return value of alumni and "special" students. And I'm not talking about the "Jeniusses" here!

.....I could continue spending 2 years figuring out if that degree is worth it for ME personally and for my career but true value is measured in the business world in terms of success (I think) anyway so I shouldn't care so much if I find something to excel in should I? 

It's just always been a passion of mine to include science into engineering, since engineering is closer to art and creating beauty it sometimes needs some guidance from science to explain what just happened in terms that can transcend boundaries but be unhindered by experience...

Is it really worth it to pursue something you don't believe in as an engineer just because of something like that? I can't say yes anymore but I dare not convince myself I could be missing out on the horizon of what COULD still be there....

I can see myself being functional and creative in the field. I have, after more struggle than I'd like to admit, given up on blinding and false hopes of super achievements and focused on the small things that were actually relevant. But this chance will not come again, I have no intention to return to any Uni afterwards, as much as I like to change my mind on things, it seems unlikely. I don't think I can unhinge my pride on this one just yet....it's too firmly rooted to not pull out a bunch of other things on the way out....so I guess what I'm asking is.... what would you do? And how to make the best of a bad situation? I've ran so many permutations already that didn't end well that it's getting scary :(
DreamingTaoTiger DreamingTaoTiger 26-30, M Dec 20, 2012

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