People Dont Really Understand

Hi, I was born into the religion,my "so called christian father" was a fanatic.I was never allowed to go out with other JW'z koz it was worldly and most of the others gave up inviting me because they knew i wasn't allowed to go, an I felt so alone.He would study the daily text which lasted 1 hour,like a public talk.Every family problem that occured he would go to the elders for help,we r talkin minor things that didnt involve thr religon.When I turned 11yrz he arranged for a elder to study with me,which I didnt want to do but got forced to.Each time this elder came around for the study, he would shut the door an start hugging an kissing me.He said that no one would believe me if i told anyone. Adding to that, at school I was gang raped but couldnt tell anyone not even my parents,they would blame me.My parents always said why cant you be like 'that sister she's so spiritual' not like you.When i was 14 I left school an found work an refused to go to meetings,I done so many things that would make my parents mad,smoking,drinking,going out to clubs and wearing short skirts just to **** em off,of what they put me threw.
During my adult years I couldnt keep my demons from my past an try'd killing myself lots of time but they always bought me back to life.Each day I live I battle thoughts of killing myself,I no longer talk to my parents. I would like to meet ex JW an hear there story an how they cope.

saneatlast saneatlast
3 Responses Jun 29, 2010

I'm so very sorry for everything you've been put through. If I could ask, are you seeing currently working with a therapist to help you work through what was done to you? :)

Hi!<br />
<br />
I am a previous JW, looking for Christian friends.<br />
Send me a note sometime if you'd like to be friends.<br />
I am currently living in Miami, FL.<br />
Hope to hear from you!<br />
<br />
Your friend,<br />
<br />
Jesimiel Millar<br />
<br />
Facebook: jesimielmillar

I can relate to many of the things you say, even though i'm a lot older than you, but the dynamics are the same - dysfunctional to put it mildly. I have read so many stories of ex JWs and what they went through, as well as what i myself endured, and now i read your sad story. Be assured that you are not alone, although it may seem that way at times. I also feel very much alone most of the time, partly because of my circumstances, but also because of them. <br />
<br />
My story is too long to get into, but i'll try to put it in a nutshell, my mom became a JW in Germany when i was born, but didn't really get involved seriously with them until we came to Canada in 1959. My parents divorced when i was two, and i never saw my dad again. . when we got to Canada, she remarried, and my step-father also a JW, abused me sexually just a yr after they married..of course i didn't tell her cause i didn't want to hurt her, and also didn't tell the Elders, because i sort of knew that they would blame me (they have such a twisted philosophy on that subject !) Anyway, subsequently i married the wrong guy (again because of them) had two kids a boy and a girl, and later after many yrs divorced, because i just didn't love him. My daughter was a teen at that time, and took it very hard, and we had a really difficult time after that, and of course she shunned me - as they have been taught to do to any exJW. Fortunately, my son never got baptized, and i have at least him and his kids......although my daughter still shuns me (partially - i get to see her and her three kids about once a yr, and she calls about once a month). Sorry, i didn't want to make it this long.... lol - but the bottom line is, it's a very hard road for anyone who'se been associated with them, and then left for one reason or another. On account of the abuse, i remarried again to the wrong man, but this time, it was a Moslem - talk about out of the frying pan into the fire ! That marriage too failed, no surprise there - Now it's been twenty years since i've been away from them, and have no regrets because i realize of course that it's just another religion (some call it a Cult) - but the effects will be with me for the rest of my life i guess. So, what can i tell you to encourage you ? Well, i understand the suicidal tendencies... but that is definitely not the answer ... the thoughts after going through the things you did, are normal - i've also had some dark thoughts and get very depressed at times, it's normal. But, for myself, i can recommend only one thing - - pray and read the Bible and spiritual things, try to make friends that can give you support and understanding, and know that God is always there and knows everything all the pains and sorrows you had to endure, and all the injustices, and although i no longer subscribe to any religion, and never will again, i still believe - maybe more than ever in God and his righteousness. I lost my mom about 8 mos ago, while i was away in Germany, i am still heartbroken about that, and miss her so much. She stayed with the witnesses til the end (in name only) but i know that she had already written them off since a long time in her heart for many reasons...and now she is in a better place in Heaven, probably pleasantly surprised at her surroundings, united with the ones she lost too soon during WWII and also surprised that not only 144,000 go to Heaven ! I really believe that now, and if you haven't already done so, please read Ray Franz' book Crisis of Conscience - it is a real comfort and eye opener. You probably already know that he passed away not long ago, a wonderful man, may he rest in Peace ! <br />
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Well, sorry i rambled on so much... but i hope that you find the peace and comfort you need and feel free to contact me also anytime... we understand what it's like. Take good care.

I'm sorry for the abuse you suffered. That was wrong. You didn't deserve it. That said, it appears you would have been able to make better choices if you took responsibility for them instead of blaming everybody else. After all, isn't this your life? :)