At Peace

I am an ex-JW not because I took issue with any doctrinal beliefs.  It would be nice to say I was that devote, but my reasons for leaving were much more selfish, extreme unhappiness in my marriage. As most witnesses I married young, pressured into marriage quickly so we did not 'sin'.  Through the following three years of marrage I discovered much I didn't know about myself or him.  He was a good person overall, but often difficult and a harsh man to live with.  With an honest assessment however, I have to say the fault was my own.  Had I been completely straightforward with myself I would have known I was not in love with this man and never could be.  There's nothing more lonely than being in a marrage to the wrong person. My loneliness was amplified by the fact that I found it difficult to make good friends.  We always had acquaintances, but not the true kind of friend who will just make plans on a whim.  I savored any invitation which came rarely.  I ended up falling in love with another man and despite desperate prayers to save my marriage, I seemed to have no control of my own feelings.  Realizing my feelings for this other person were a result of a void in my own life I took stock of my situation.  I could not believe Jehovah wanted me to be sad and lonely for the rest of my life.  I never did anything inappropriate with the man I fell in love with while married to my husband.  I decided I would not be a hypocrite.  I separated first from the congregation and then from my husband.  It was a long and difficult extraction, and not one I wish to relive but one I am relived to finally be moving past. In the end I am at peace with my decision.  The consequences of losing everyone who was close to me has been a hard price to pay, but I honestly believe it was necessary. I am not angry or resentful.  One of the most critical things in the JW faith is that you are not baptized as a baby, and I respect that as I clearly knew the consequences that came with the decisions I made.  I have made wonderful new friends and I am deeply in love with a wonderful man.  I am now looking for a religion that practices the love that Jesus spoke about.  One that is not judgmental and but kind, empathetic and compassionate.  I look forward to the next chapter as I am quite sure there is more to be revealed, more lessons to learn, and more life to live.

SarahsPeace SarahsPeace
12 Responses Jul 27, 2009

Hi, I studied but never could go out in the field (House 2 House) I stopped attending. 'Studied' for many years and was feeling the wrath from the stares when I said, "No, I am not baptized. I don't yet feel worthy."
I don't reject them from my door but merely say, "no thank-you." and they are off on their way.
What I kept? Useing his name when I pray. In this I believe it's important. I will ALWAYS feel Jesus is second to his father. THIS is one of the reasons I chose to study in the first place. The ONLY Religion/Faith that believes that there is only ONE higher power.
Thank you for your post here. I no longer feel so alone. I feel that I am known and loved by my God and he understands.
Do I feel at this time there is a religion more correct? No. But I know the time was just not right for me. AND I do not understand the father and the son are ONE concept.

What did you do to get yourself disfellowshipped? :)

Idk what to say. I am a jw and having a very rough time. Not sure which way is up :(

Look at what you want in your life. Look at what YOU need. You will find your way.

i agree with your decision. jw can be very judgmental and its a lot of pressure on a person. i grew up also as a jw. always trying to be a good kid and not screw up. we stopped going to the KH as well. i would certainly love to go back when i get my life together. some of their beliefs are CRAZY(my OWN opinion) and to believe all what they say to believe is just not human. people apparrently do so but its not for the next generation of folk(me). that goes for all religions. christians(FIRM believers) for instance think every thing they do needs to be directed to jesus. their up-commings,good life,healthy family. yes those are good things to thank jesus for. But also they take it a little too far(this is a real sistuation): <br />
<br />
old woman(directed at me): how did you learn to play ukulele<br />
me: oh i just picked it up and friends taught me<br />
O.W:oh thats nice. so do you thank jesus for your talents?<br />
me:not at all. i picked this instrument up and learned it with the help of my friends<br />
O.W: well the talent to play came from jesus you know<br />
<br />
NOOOOOOOOO it didnt. the talent came from my desire to play. but she strongly believed jesus gave me the talent. in my opinion,jesus had absolutely nothing to do with it.... so all "beleifs" arent for everyone. thanks for listening(reading) :)

They only want to be around you if you behave just like them. When I was going to the Hall, one of my "friends" insisted on going with me when I had a procedure done to help correct my atrial fibrillation. I never invited her to go along, she invited herself and insisted on coming. I made the mistake of telling her my business and that I had problems paying for the medication I was supposed to be taking. So she opened her big mouth and told the doctor that I hadn't taken the medication. Therefore the doctor cancelled the procedure. She finally decided she had worn out her welcome and left the hospital. So, my time was wasted, the doctor and hospital's staff's time were wasted, I lost a day of work, I had to do a lot of fancy explaining to my boss when he asked how my heart procedure had gone and I had to tell him that it hadn't been done. The atrial fibrillation continued to get worse. This all happened almost a year and a half ago. I haven't seen my "friend" since. I continued to go to the meetings for awhile, but everyone there behaved so coldly to me that one would think I was the one who had done something wrong. They are a close group all right, but if one does not do just what everyone else does, you might as well forget it. I decided that if I was going to be treated like crap what was the point of continuing to go to the meetings. I don't have a problem with the doctrines and beliefs, I think Armageddon and a new world would be wonderful, but it is just those people who are so unfriendly and self-righteous. Since I've stopped going to be meetings not one single JW has ever called me or come to my home to inquire about me. Believe it or not, one of the congregation elders lives across the street from me and never speaks or waves or anything anymore. It's all very strange.

Your friend saved your life. How about showing some gratitude?

Dear iloveme1 <br />
You're both in tough spot and its hard for me to give advice not knowing your whole situation. I can tell you that for me getting married young was a mistake. We did not know ourselves well enough to have truly committed to anyone else. <br />
The environment that Jehovah's Witnesses create is very difficult to extract yourself from. Try to imagine if you had to leave your parents, your family, and everyone you ever knew growing up. Except for a few recent acquaintances you would have no one in the world who knew you, who knew how crazy you were when you were 10, or what stupid things you did when you were 15 or who you had a crush on in 3rd grade. This may seem trivial but its not, its like someone has ripped your past away and it take years and years to build up close relationships again. <br />
I am not saying this to scare you off. I just want you to know the mental anguish your boyfriend is going through. It is not a simple thing to walk away from everything you've ever known. And you cannot say to him (as many people said to me) "well if they were truly your friends they wouldn't have shunned you" because as you probably realized, it is not that simple. <br />
My only advice is to try to be as supportive as possible but yet guard your heart until he makes a decision. Right now he is living in both worlds and life seems good, but at some point he's going to have to pick a direction. If he decides he cannot leave his family and life behind you may find yourself in a difficult place. He is the only one who can chose the path that he will be able to live with and many Jehovah's Witnesses have 'experimented' outside but then run back to the fold when they realized what they were actually giving up. As unlikely as it seems now, if this happens you could be left with a broken heart having done nothing wrong. <br />
You are both very young and the best thing you can do is be supportive and understanding, but be careful about changing your life for someone until you know for sure he is willing to make the very difficult changes in his life to be with you.<br />
Best of Luck!!!

i am dating a jehovah witness. he wont tell me that he is one but i suspected it. his friends told me but they are actually really cool. we're seventeen. i was his "first" and i know if his parents found out they would shun him. his mom is a full time pioneer. his dad isnt a jehovah witness, but he still doesnt want my boyfriend to have a girlfriend because he was baptised. he tells me he's going to hell al the time, and he uses the word God, even though i know theyre not supposed to, i feel like he wants to live a regular life, he says he's tired of being controlled but i know he's scared of his parents.. im guessing we just have to wait till we're 18 to be together?? his parents are cutting him off from me.. they took his car, his phone, and tried to make him quit his job. they took him out of school when he was 16, because of me he's started a program to get his high school dimploma because i feel like him not doing anything with his life is a no no.. what do you think about the situation? we plan to get married as soon as we turn eighteen and i really feel like God put me in his life to help him.

All your problems would be solved if you studied the Bible and became a Christian like him.

so you are saying for her to study the bible and become a christian would solve all her problems so she can be like him? If you people were not so judgemental.
It is your way or the highway?

Yes. Obviously the two make for an incompatible couple otherwise.

I think you left for the best of reasons. Very good. Now, just try to avoid walking right into any other non-sense like that and you'll be fine.

SO relieved to be able to relate to someone finally. I was born and raised JW. Fell in love with my now husband and disfellowshiped. God Bless you in your search for a fellowship of real believers. We attend a non-denominational Christian Center that I absolutely love. Finally freed of the bondage and oppression!!! =)

If doing the right thing is oppression ...

SarahsPeace<br />
I know I'm nobody to you but I think your decision to leave the JW was a good one. I especially took notice of your comment, "I am now looking for a religion that practices the love that Jesus spoke about". My personal experience is that the love you are looking for will not be found in a church or religion. We are broken beings capable of both good and bad. If we are able to love someone else, it is only a matter of time before we hurt them and thus display God's love imperfectly. God's love for you is perfect, unchanging and can be felt physically. I know you have not asked for my advise so please ignore it if you wish. I suggest you look to Jesus himself for the love you desire. If you seek a relationship with Him, He will reveal Himself to you and fill you with the love and acceptance you desire. He has for me. May I also suggest reading, "Embracing the Love of God" by James Bryan Smith? I have been a Christian for 21 years and that book has helped me to feel God's love for me more than everything else I've experienced in that time. It has changed my life literally. ...I'll be praying for you.

Dear koyptakh & Grey1 <br />
Thank you for your kind words. I'm not sure why but it was suprising the amount of comfort I felt from your comments and shared understanding. There are other closed off religions such as JW's and I'm sure coming out from them is equally as difficult, but rarely does the average person understand the heartache.

Hi SarahsPeace<br />
I like your "the true kind of friend who will just make plans on a whim. "<br />
Also " I am quite sure there is more to be revealed, more lessons to learn, and more life to live."<br />
Yours a much more profound action than a doctrinal dispute! Life affirming!<br />