He Used His Blood As Ink

i started cutting last year after my best friend elle passed away. i was the one that found her, and it hurt so much, so ******* much. but i never cried, i just felt numb. and the only way to let out my pain was through cutting. and drinking. and heroin. oh yeah and im only 15.

this is the day i got help, i had just got home from school and my depression had really spiked, i found 3 untouched bottles of tequila and a six pack at a party that i came to high off of oxy's. bad idea. i dont remember most of that night, other than ending up in the ICU. my arm had a self inflicted gash in it that is still a bright red scar, i cant go to the pool without everyone wondering "Oh my god! what happened to your arm!!" try telling a preppy-***, perfect life, no problems girl that you liked but is too ******* afraid of you to talk. 

the next day, after my hurricane of a hangover, my parents checked me into a clinic. directly after i got out (2 months later) i was checked into an OP rehab which i am still in today, my addiction is under control, and i havent cut in 2 1/2 months (i got out of the clinic 4 months ago) its been a tough road but i think im doing ok, well, as ok as i can be.

death2kenny12 death2kenny12
13-15, M
5 Responses Aug 17, 2009

I found my fiance's dead body 45 minutes after he died. This was there years ago. I cut myself for a while. Did the drug and drinking thing.<br />
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I've been in a 12 step program for a year now. Its stopped all that stuff. Give it a shot.

damn! sorry i didnt mean unknown012!!! i ment death2kenny12!!!! was talking to death2kenny! lol im sooo blind!

hello Mr:)<br />
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you know people can say they understand and how it must hurt and all that sympathy crap but then they give you THEIR story? just like that wam bam now we can be cutting buddies!!! LOL what the *#@$ <br />
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sympathy comes from people who DONT understand! cutters are selfish in the sence that THEIR pain is the worst pain there is and when some one TRYS to relate its as if saying " thats what happend to you? well look what happend to me!!" or " guess what happend to me"!!<br />
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sooo irritating....<br />
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hey unknown012 you couldnt get me in a pool! i swear im terrified! people laugh but i swear i see sharks in pools! hahaha <br />
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P.S if anyone wanted to die they wouldnt be alive now to say any different...

Im sorry but i hate the comment before mine. I hate when people give you their sympathy. Ya right like they really care. They may give you their sympathy but all that does is **** me off. I dont want any ones sympathy i just want them to treat me like they did be for ow wait never mind no i dont i just want to them to leave me the **** alone. I was a cutter but no one knows the real reasons why and no one ever will. No one even noticed what i was doing. I started cutting at age 13 but everyone thinks i started at 14. I am now 15 and trying not to cut not that easy when you are faced with the reasons why you started every day. You went further with cutting than i did but i did more than anyone knows. I have not been sent to a rehab facility and i dont think they ever will send me, i do have a question for you though, did you want to die or was it accidental? you dont have to answer just curious

i cant imagine what you must have gone through, what you must still be going through... all i know is that if i lost my best friend, i would be absolutely devastated.. you have my deepest sympathies.