I Cut

I really do not know, what has happened to me, everyone knows me as the happiest person that has ever lived, but inside I am torn and my heart and soul is broken, I just started cutting, and I know this is stupid but the first time I cut was when the guy I have falling for told me he wanted nothing to do with me, I lost it and just cut myself with the only blade I could find, but after that it just starting to become a part of me, I now find ways to **** myself off just so I can cut myself. My friends are so worried about me, they think I should see a therapist, but I am hesitate, because what if they think that I am crazy or something. I feel like I am on the verge of losing, I cry all the time and I am not happy at all.It saddness me that I am not who I was before. I feel like I have to put on a show for everyone, be there for everyone, be the best employee, friend, daughter, sister,just everything. But I am not perfect

blackcloud22 blackcloud22
31-35, F
5 Responses Oct 19, 2009

You remind me of myself.. i refused to go see a therapist and that got me into a mental hospital twice. I was addicted to cutting. That led to being addicted to the thought of killing myself. I started feeling dead inside and outside and like no one cares.. i was numb to life. Only a day ago, i was feeling really bad and a stranger told me life gets better. i Stopped Then because cutting reminds you of bad memories and experiences that hold you back from achieving contemtment<br />
I hope yoou get better love(:<br />
<3 a mere 14 year old girl

now dont judge me but i started cutting at age 12 becuz i saw my friend do it but as soon as i did it felt so good to me...the sight of the blood running down my arm made me feel so much better. the only thought that would run threw my head was " my heart doesnt hurt as much as my arm now and im goin to bleed all my pain out" now keep in mind i do not do it to kill myself or get attention. i do not go around and show everyone my scars but at the same time i am not ashamed of them and i do not hide them. when i started i was the typical pretty girl had everything goin for me. i was in ballet jazz dance and cheerleading...but my life just dropped one day. but hun dont find ways to **** yourself off....if you want to cut just do it....bad advice i kno but its the truth....you dont need reasons to cut if your addicted to it

I'm twenty three now, I cut myself a lot between 14-17...three years is a long time for that. I was depressed, I fell for a girl who was pretty much crazy, and really didn't care for me. I perpetuated it by staying with her, by being the one that "understood" her. When in reality in my teen years I didn't even understand myself, and my friends didn't understand themselves either. We don't grow up in our teen years. I have the scars now, on both shoulders, heavy scars. I regret it, I really do. I look back and look at how I treated myself, and I think how terrible....a life I was given and I drag it through the mud. I'ts *your* body. Yours. It's the only one you'll ever get. I never saw a therapist, I never took medication. I told myself every day I am a strong human being, I am suffering from depression, and I will overcome this with *MY* strength. And I did. I still have the scars, but I look back, realizing I came out of it a stronger person. I just created this profile...i'll have photos up of my scars. I know several ex-cutters IRL. We can all overcome.

I'm 18 and usually cut. I've been doing it since i was 13 and as time goes by you stop caring and you stop telling people. If you have support then take it and use it wisely. I have no face to say do it or not but must people don't understand it.

Honey, You remind me of my self back in the day. I know I'm just 15( soon 16), I had to hit the bottom in order for me to get back up again. I know, everyone around you sees something in you that you can't see for yourself. But its in there, somewhere. Well, I got so bad that I started planing my suicide . Going through websites that would tell me how to do it and how not to mess up or chicken out. One day I was crying in front of the mirror, talking to myself. Asking my self how did i get here, and why did i do that to my self. I had become what I hated. Something just clicked, I told my self that i didn't have to hurt my self. That I was better than this. This may sound weird but I stared reading Chicken Soup For the Teen Soul Books. It showed me I wasn't alone. Then after that I started concentrating in things I like. Things to keep me up. Like drawing, sports, writing and music. let me just tell no one is worth your life. especially a boy.