The Trouble With Exhibitionism

The Trouble With Exhibitionism

I know that this is not a thought that has occured, or even been mentioned in any of the Exhib, Expose My Wife/Girlfriend in Public, or Voyurism groups.  It is however a thought that has been nagging my brain and even cost me some sleep last night.

When it comes to exposing a woman, or a woman being an exhib, it is grand fun for the woman and her partner, however there is a dark side that has not been discussed.  If one of the voyures, or a man that "happens" in on the fun decides to take it to the next level regardless of those involved.

I am speaking of rape.

Should a woman be raped as the result of exposing/being exposed, exhibbing, or having sex in a public places the courts would side with the rapist.  Why?  Her behavior said she wanted it, invited it, in fact even begged for the rape to take place.  If she did not wish to be raped then she would have had some restraint and not indulged in sexual behaviors where an audience could be found.

Her sexual past would be called in as evidence against her and even her admitting she enjoys ****** would be used by the rapist's defense counsel to prove she begged for the rape to occur.  The defense counsel would try to prove to the jury or judge that her clothing or lack of clothing, her illicit behavior, her enjoyment of sex, the number of sexual partners she's had, were advertising that she wanted sex and what "poor" red blooded man could resist such an overwhelming temptation.

Anyone here ever see the movie THE ACCUSED with Jodi Foster?  If you have you know the court environment I am speaking of.  

Also in most places depending on the degree, exhibitionism and voyurism are crimes according to the law.  This again gives the rapist's defence a bullit in the chamber against the woman.

Perhaps I have been troubled by this since I have survived two attempted rapes, and as a child had to deal with men sexualizing me.

I tried watching THE ACCUSED when it came out but found that I had a violent negative reaction to it when the rape scene began and could not watch the movie.  I had to leave the room.  I tried to watch it again when the court scenes were in play but again had to leave the room.  Jodi Foster's character in the movie, (which I heard was based on a real story), was in essence raped again in the court room.

The above are reasons why I am hesitant to exhib, and bristle at the thought of my husband exposing me to anyone.

I just had to get this out, and unburden myself of it so it will stop plaguing my mind.  Sorry if it is a downer but it is also a reality check...especially in an age when everyone has cameras in their phones and video ones.

Seanachai Seanachai
36-40, F
8 Responses Mar 18, 2009

i agree completely,<br />
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it is horrendous but a fact I think that women are raped a second time on the court rooms.<br />
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the internet changes so much, folks need to be concious of how much of their personal life they are revealing.<br />
All people have a right to be themselves. I just hope the young folks will be thoughtful in what they share publicly, they don't seem to get it yet.

That is also a concern...my image...or anyone's image that is not considered family friendly...If it is seen by someone in your town/city it can affect employment, family and friend relationships etc.<br />
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One web cam site I looked at, when I was thinking of doing pay cam shows, gave the "entertainer" the ability to block viewers from area codes, and even complete countries, in order to secure the privacy and discretion of the person broadcasting.<br />
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Hell if someone can be fired for photos taken at a party that are posted on Facebook or Myspace, then how much more can nude or explicit pics be used to terminate employment.

I have a few comments on both of the stories. On the first story, first of all reguardless of how good the defence is, a good prosecutor will actually win in 99% of those types of cases. The majority of the public are starting that the naturalist way of life is gaining momentum and are becoming more accepting. For this reason, juries today as well as judges, tend to rely on the question of wether one of the parties did in fact say no at any point during the action. Even after penetration if either party says stop or no, then a rape is being commited, and the perception has drasticaly changed over the years. Long gone are the days of assuming that the way a woman dresses or does not dress invited the attack. In many states and provinces, it is perfectly legal, and I have seen women who do, for a woman to be topless in public. Because she is simply dressing how she feels comfortable is she inviting an attack...no. There was a case in Ontario where in fact a woman was raped while walking home topless, the defence tried the "she invited it" approach and the judge basically laughed in their face. the attacker received the maximum sentence.<br />
As for the second story, I have seen this happen so many times, a person in a position of authority abuses this and tries to make the women around them feel inferior. When the second complaint came out, you should have checked the statute of limitations in your area, for both criminal and civil action. I am sure that you probably were still within the legal limits to file both criminal and civil suit.<br />
I am getting so sick and tired of society and the lack of respect offered each other.

Seanachai:<br />
<br />
I think your worries have some validity, but for discrete public exhibitionistic events enjoyed with a partner, such as in a restaurant, club, hotel, etc., the risk of rape is almost nil. When my wife and I enjoy such escapades, I am always on guard for the possibility of things getting out of hand. Our experiences have been mild in comparison to some, but that suits my wife and I just fine. It's exciting for us, but still in control.<br />
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So don't hide behind your fear. Embrace it and go out and expose yourself today. Start with a trip to Bourbon Street, New Orleans, where sexy exhibitionism is encouraged and (barring the random drunken idiot) is not considered an invitation to get hit on. Good luck.<br />
<br />
NOLAGuy

Exposing is not consent to sex. While I understand that some communities may believe in the "inviting" theory, that is not the law anywhere in the US. You have, should have, and must have the right to say "look but don't touch."

There are creeps in the world. And you don't have to be good looking for them to stalk you. It is a state of mind where they think that they are better than other people and they have a right to get these sexual favors. They can't understand that you are not just waiting for them to handle you like property. They are very sick.

One thing I also forgot to add to the above was this.<br />
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Long before I discovered any exhibitionism in me, when I was preparing to go to a Bible college I was working in retail. My first boss was great, and promoted me to head cashier position due to his trust in me with the money and cash out.<br />
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My second boss though made repeated sexual advances, comments and the like. I made sure he knew I did NOT want to hear talk like that and that I was NOT in any way shape or form attracted to him. He was also married with a little one and I told him that he should think about his wife and child.<br />
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Long story short. He began stalking me, trying to follow me home, so I had to find new ways home from work every night. <br />
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He even stole my bike from the rack so when I got off work I was upset. I was going to call the police and report the theft when he drove up beside me with my bike in the back of his truck. Her told me since he had my bike I HAD TO GO with him to my home. I yelled at him that I did not have to go anywhere with him and told him he had no right to touch any of my property. With that I yanked my bike out of his truck and took off to my parents home and told them everything. <br />
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(I was just barely in my 20's when this happened...only out of high school 3-4 years)<br />
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I reported him to the company and he was cleared of all sexual harassment, I was told I imagined it all. The assistant manager backed him up. I found out later that the assistant manager and he were having an affair and they wanted me in on the sex.<br />
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Even after reporting him, he then accused me of stealing from the till, and that the only way he would not report me to the police was if I gave him sexual favors. I told him off and said I had quit right then and there and did NOT need to give him 2 weeks notice...He crossed the line no matter what he and the assistant manager did or said.<br />
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Within a year of me leaving I heard that he sexually harassed another female employee and with two complaints against him...the company decided to "move him along"<br />
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This experience also had me write the story I did above.<br />
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Seems I have all these men wanting sex from me, whether I am modestly dressed or sexy, keep to myself or flirt.

I think that the violence of rape has been come forward quite a bit in the years. Although all these actions by the victim might be called into action, the bottom line is that rape is not about sex. It is about anger and control and raping is the method of displaying or exercising this anger and control!<br />
Rape is rape no matter how nude or provocative the victim may have been. Without consent, it not voluntarily and a violation of the woman's body and anyone not able to to respect that has problems which are not going to be addressed by seeing or not seeing a exhibitionist. The biggest problem for female exhibitionist is that they make themselves to be more ready prey for these nuts.