Searching For the Meaning of Existence

There used to be a time when I believed in God.

Yes, it's true. I didn't go to church and wasn't outwardly religious, but inside I felt there was some sort of being 'out there' that guided us all and provided our lives with a sense of purpose.

And then stuff happens, as always. A girl at my school took her own life, I witnessed a car crash involving a pregnant woman getting injured, and at the back of my mind, I started to doubt the existence of a benevolent force that allowed such things to happen.

So as I eroded away all the religious bedrock that I stood on, I was left with nothing. Everything seemed meaningless, just a pointless void, where my life consisted of mindless routine and repetition.

But then I started thinking. And I thought, and I thought, and I thought. And there came a dawning realization that my life still could have meaning. After all, meaning comes from within, and beauty from the beholder. There was still some good in the world, and that gave my life purpose.

I continued thinking, and on my search for meaning, I came across an article on existentialism on Wikipedia. Here, written on some site on the Internet, were exactly the things that I thought about. And there was more. Reading all new fragments of knowledge, everything came together in a wonderful epiphany of sorts.

It was a strange feeling, realizing that I wasn't the only one who fretted away on such problems, and I was glad. All those questions that lurked in the corners of my mind now seemed answerable, and existentialism led me onto various other parts of philosophy.

I'm still asking questions, and not getting answers as quickly as I want. But I feel good. My feeling on the subject is, if you can't find the absolute meaning of life, then the least I can do is find the meaning in my life.

TheParanoidAndroid TheParanoidAndroid
18-21, M
6 Responses Dec 14, 2007

You wrote this very well, especially if that is indeed your true age. ( Please don't be offended, it's impossible to know what is real and what is fabricated on here. ) Bravo to you. I'm glad I stumbled upon your story. I think even people who practice ANY faith or belief system question the existence of " god " when they are being completely honest with themselves. Good luck coming up with a philosophy that is uniquely right for you. I just made up my own! Best wishes ......

Many people have only found personal spirituality only when they first challenged their old religious and spiritual beliefs and rejected them all as lacking.<br />
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Your statement that you are still looking for answers suggests that you are still tied to a belief that answers comes from an outside source and not from inside or that there are no answers.<br />
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Imagine life as a picture puzzle.<br />
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Your experiences and perceptions are the pieces.<br />
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You must put it together upside down and with out any help.<br />
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Only when it is finished can you turn it over and reveal the meaning.<br />
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Type your comment here...

Good post, especially for such a young man. Something to consider however is that when you die, if there is no eternal you, that the meaning you have assigned to your existence no longer will have meaning, therefore your meaning is actually meaningless in the end. <br />
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As one who is a bit more fond of the Kierkegaardian view I would say that our subjective meaning is only validated by He who declares all ob<x>jective meaning. That is God. Even if our existence precedes our essence it is only by the grace of He who is eternally pre-existent and by His grace through which we were even brought into existence. This fact does not negate our freedom but brings into account the responsibility for which we are given such freedom. <br />
Hope I wasn't too confusing. Good post holmes.

"So as I eroded away all the religious bedrock that I stood on..."<br />
That's brilliant, if you ask me.

What a wonderful piece of writing.