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I Miss the Magic

and the mystery and the sense of awe that once so consummed me as a child now so derided by the adult life ive grown into and secretly despise--hoping that change is around the bend, over the river and through my mind.  

i wondered, as i sat outside for  two hours tonight with three beers and a stray cat what it was exactly i had (have) been yearning for.

the deeper meaning or the lack thereof which drove me to where i am now without direction?

or was it the passion delved deep in the back of my throat blocked by years of unadmissable facts?

either way, i sat.

and stared at the stars.

and noticed how they were looking down on me.


laid down




meeeese meeeese 31-35 4 Responses Jun 17, 2009

Your Response


Hello, I am new here -- been a member only a few days and am only now beginning to find my way around the I Am An Existentialist group. I agree with LaMar, that picking up a new skill will bring back the awe we had as children. I don't have kids of my own, but taught Kindergarten for a year and creative piano and music to children and adults for 20 years. I was very privileged to vicariously experience the awe, surprise, and joy my students felt in learning new things. A few years ago I switched from piano to the mandolin. Piano is not a social instrument, usually. Mandolin is very social. I lead an Old Time string band and a jam. I practice regularly and am so happy when my technique gets cleaner or I have an epiphany experience in discovering something new about my instrument. In the summer, we are on vacation from the band and jam. I plan to take up my drawing pencil and my watercolors again this year. These are even more satisfying to me, but I decided to really focus on the music because that's where my expertise lies. Painting and drawing are wonderful, but at my late age, I will never achieve the level of proficiency I have in music.<br />
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I used to sit and wonder at the stars. I now live in a city on the West Coast of the USA, where it's cloudy most of the time. The clouds and/or light pollution mean I can't see the stars at all, ever. Once in while, one or two bright ones appear. I miss Texas skies, where I grew up. But I don't miss Texas.

As children we are in wonder and awe of everything around us and we do lose some of that as we get older.<br />
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How nice it would be to have a button we could push to restart that process. <br />
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Wait, there is one!<br />
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It is called a personal challenge. <br />
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Children are challenged by everything they do because it is all new and like children we must occasionally challenge ourselves with something completely new and that will develop our lives in a new and fun way.<br />
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learn to play an instrument, write a book, climb a mountain, quit a bad habit, paint a picture, learn a new language, fall in love etc..<br />
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Anything you do that is hard and puts all your mental abilities and possibly physical abilities to the test will rekindle that childhood awe.<br />
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Like children though do not be afraid of failure if it happens and accept it as part of life and find a new challenge but try each challenge with every fiber of your being.<br />
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Do not be satisfied with how your life is or accept that you have accomplished all you can.<br />
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Do not allow accomplishments to be the driving force but allow the challenge of your abilities to be your reason.<br />
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Do not think that accomplishments will fill the void in your life for more than a brief time.<br />
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Then the next time you lay under those stars and wonder about the future and your search for meaning you will be able to look back at the experiences and challenges you have had and feel some sense of satisfaction that fills that void.<br />
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When your personal challenge helps other people to find meaning in their lives it will be even more fulfilling!<br />
<br />

mine used to be cigarettes AND beer...

Wow dude, I can really identify with you. Very powerfully written. I am often there myself, except my companion is cigarettes instead of beer.