Fear That I Could Feel As Weight Upon Me And Visions That Were More Real Than This Realm


“Witchcraft is the trade of a wiccan,” Allen said to Brad as they stood on the production room floor discussing Brad’s lustful desire for the gifts and power displayed by a man enticing him to follow. A cocky like arrogance came off of Brad as he spoke of the deity’s of Wiccans, while Allen tried to explain Jesus and the gift of salvation. “Their power comes from Satan and demons, it’s not good and there is no good witch, “Allen replies as Brad persists that they are good and peaceful in all they do. Growing concerned, Allen explains his knowledge of them was gained through experience and not books or spoken words. “My Ex-wife was a witch, I saw the things that she did! “ “I was pushed across an empty room when I mocked that she would send her dead grandma after me because I disagreed with her!  “I watched the ceiling cry down the walls as she wept over a relative!”  “I was there asleep beside her when a crucifix jumped off the wall and hit a carpeted floor like it was bare and had been thrown!” “I was standing there when an argument occurred and a remote to the right of me was launched 15 ft in front of me across the room, shattering against the wall while she was 10 ft to the left of me!” “It was me that she screamed at when I hung my crucifix over the bedroom mirror that she used for spells and summoning demons!” “I was there watching as the demon inside her threw her multiply times to the floor in convulsions and I franticly prayed to God for help!” As Brads mood shifted from I’m sure your wrong, to maybe your right, Allen’s heartbeat raced as he finished re-living his past that he just rattled off. Calming down, Allen was to the point of tears for he cared for Brad and wanted him to be saved! Brad and Allen had shared their experiences in Iraq with each other; often it seemed that only they could understand each other. Allen’s first wife left him while deployed and Brad’s was currently heading the direction of divorce.  Meanwhile, Brad walked away from Allen, giving the indication that he was done talking and Allen broke out in prayer for him with love, sorrow, and desperation flowing from the top of his head all the way down to his feet like an energy burst that almost floored him! “GOD PLEASE HELP BRAD; PLEASE SAVE HIM FATHER, FOR HE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND!” “PLEASE SET HIM FREE, IN JESUS NAME I PRAY!” In a compassionate stagger, Allen made his way across the room as he felt this heaviness around him. FEAR started to consume him and was growing stronger as he neared the restroom. Upon entering, a vision of a demon bouncing his face off everything in the room (sinks, toilets, and urinals) played out in his mind with a realness that Allen felt and made this world feel like a dream as the realm with demons came to life. Paralyzing him as he stood there praying for Jesus to save him with his eyes closed, the reality that this world and that realm were the same had became clear…..What seemed like hours, passed in only seconds as the fear subsided and Allen tried to re-gain himself! Rationalizing this was out of the question and Allen just accepted what had happened. Escaping the restroom, he saw his Christian friend Lee and is comforted while eagerly approaching him. “YOU would not believe what just happened to me, Allen said to Lee as he recounted the events of the past 30 minutes!  Lee expressed his own fear and unbelief while he listened, stating that he, “didn’t like demons either and was scared shitless of them! Lee later would go on to peek into the restroom halfheartedly wanting proof but not wanting to see a demon either. He believed Allen!
Allen recalls this day, not as a distant memory, but like it happened yesterday. The first demon his faith/love had cast out happened in Nov of 2008 (3 yrs ago from present) and it was just the beginning of things! He remembered once telling Lee that his deep down dream job would be: TO BE GOD’S WARRIOR! He never grasped what it would be like until that day with Brad. Lee helped Allen understand many things which led to Allen being saved a month or two before Brad’s deliverance. Lee asked Allen a simple question,” if you were to die on the way home tonight from work, would you go to heaven?” This scared Allen and because being of a Catholic background, he was only knowledgeable of Old Testament feasts and rituals. Salvation was a gray area, not very well explained in Catholic Church. Lee explained it as “just believing” that Jesus died for your sins and accepting him as your lord and savior. Doing this fulfilled the scripture John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whoever shall believeth in him shall not perish, but have everlasting life!” Allen was saved before dropping to knees while reading a prayer of salvation a few weeks later, but the understanding wasn’t given until he committed his life totally to Jesus! Afterwards Allen knew he was saved and God started revealing just how special he was to him!
The attacks of Satan and the third of the fallen angels that followed him increased greatly from here on, for Satan knew what was to become of Allen. FEAR, FRUSTRATION, and CONFUSION seemed to overtake Allen daily. The awareness of demons being around him EVERYWHERE was driving him crazy! His entire world was turned upside down and he saw things in a different way. Things that once were important faded into the background.  His FAITH was being tested and under attack everywhere he went. Sudden feelings of uncontrollable lust were attacks that he suffered when fear wasn’t producing the effect Satan wanted. Distraction from his path was all around Allen. His home life was bad already and took a sharp dive into domestic violence. Anger was something he and his wife struggled with and he had not yet learned that Satan fed off of this emotion and fear. Allen and his third wife Nicole enjoyed being angry because of the strength they felt from it, but that was a delusion. For when they were angry, they weren’t the ones in control. Selfishness, lust, and anger commonly overtook Allen and Nicole. LOVE was desired by Allen, but not understood. He often settled for what he received from Nicole, not knowing he was at fault for his marriage being broken. YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE!
SEX was an expected part of marriage, yet he did nothing to entice Nicole. In passing he often touched her inappropriately, thinking this would excite her, but it never worked. She would grudgingly concede to sex knowing he wouldn’t leave her alone until he got what he wanted… The sound of the hair dryer filled the camper that they lived in, his wife preparing to leave as Allen approached her from behind. Rubbing against her cheeks, Allen cups her from behind and starts aggressively kissing her neck, almost biting her. The mirror starts to fog, with his heart racing and testosterone flooding the room, he enters his wife! Suddenly he thinks about what happened with Brad and the possibility that there is a demon in Nicole since she almost bursts into flames over hearing about God and begins a loving prayer while holding her tightly with the love of a husband. Grasping for something to hang onto, she grabs the towel rack like the “oh ****” handle of a car and rides it out. Climaxing, he slows down from howling, to a satisfied low growl and recedes from within her. Silence fills the room and emptiness returns. She then leaves and Allen begins to enter the shower when that familiar heaviness of fear comes upon him.  He ignores it and starts the water. “What the hell is that”, he thinks as he sees a demon like face pushing through the shower curtain! He prays and tries to ignore it, continuing with his shower! He tries to wash when he notices it’s not his hands he feels dragging down his face while he stands there almost ******* himself! “oh Jesus, Oh Jesus…PLEASE HELP ME”, he cries out in silent prayer, realizing there was a demon in his wife and it was furious at him for being cast out! This occurrence was different than before because Allen didn’t experience this as playing out in his mind. This time things happened and felt just as they normally would in this world but with the heightened awareness and feeling from before.  When there didn’t seem to be any urine left in him and a bowl movement might be on its way, things settled just as they had with the other demon. Allen wasted no time getting out of the bathroom and pondered to himself what happened and why he could cast them out, but felt helpless when they came after him. The fact that a demon was cast out of his wife and was still in his home played out for him in a vision while driving to work. The image of his youngest child Kyle sitting on the bed crying kept repeating in his mind and he remembered his wife could not comfort him. It was then revealed to him in the vision that the demon may have left him in the shower but never left his home and was tormenting his son. He was already 45 minutes away from home when these things were revealed; he burst into tears and prayed his hardest yet. The worst of thoughts filled his mind, but he knew he wasn’t supposed to go back. After a while, he was comforted that it would be ok. Upon getting to work Allen was asked by Lee if everything was ok without being told anything. Allen explained what happened and Lee told him Jesus interrupted his shower and adamantly told him to pray for Allen, his wife, and son. He said that he replied “ok” and started to continue his shower. Then Jesus said,”NO, PRAY NOW! “Worriedly, he dropped his head and began to vigorously pray as he had been told. When enough had been done, Lee said that he was told,”that was good!” Then it was over and he came to work. The time that Lee was told it was over, was the same time that Allen received comfort and was told it would be ok. The purpose for his torment after casting out the demons was to build dependence on Jesus. By his faith alone, these things were possible! How do you fight a demon? This question haunted him as much as his visions of them. For anyone to think they can take on a demon alone, they are out of their mind and haven’t seen one. These things can rip you apart and melt your freaking brain. Confusion is the most common attack, then fear. Why, do you ask? It’s simple, when anyone is disoriented, are they not easily led? Do they not follow, just to seek relief if nothing else? Then, the demons can lead you into anything from sin to blasphemy. Even death is possible, if your weak minded. An unsaved person killing themselves is their goal, for when that happens the person goes to hell. For those that resist and don’t kill themselves, their objective is torment by any means (temptation, fear, doubt, confusion, unbelief). Allen was learning these things through experience because they plagued his mind daily with thoughts of lust to murder. Allen learns soon that he is not alone in his calling and weird experiences. His friend Lee knows way more than he has been telling. Another friend of his named Mathew has a story of his own as well

Gifts Explained
Allen was employed as a maintenance tech with Lee at a respectable factory working third shift. They had many conversations, reaching things at the limits of their understanding. Lee knew great detail of Allen’s history, but knew even more of his destiny. He alluded to it once again with a question, leading Allen to find the answer himself and get him searching. “If every born again believer has AT LEAST ONE gift, what do you think yours would be?” “Well, I don’t know”, Allen said. They start discussing spiritual gift lists from the Bible (1 Cor 12) and Lee points out discernment, wisdom, and knowledge. As Allen’s wheels are spinning, Lee gives him examples of each gift so Allen can see them within himself. “Ekballism is the Christian term for casting out demons.” “It is a gift often tied to discernment”, Lee tells Allen. Up till now, Allen really couldn’t explain how or why he was able to cast out demons. He often wondered why certain people he didn’t know could stir extreme rage within him, while others he felt euphorically tied too in ways he couldn’t explain. Allen’s gifts were operating like reflexes and his reaction to strangers was based upon the presence or absence of God or a demon within them. Some people he felt numbness around, these were those who were on the fence and hadn’t chosen a side yet. Lee explained to Allen that every gift you are going to have, you are born with. Then, when God chooses to, he reveals it to you. Some people’s gifts are active from birth, some won’t be revealed until after the rapture to save them from themselves and misuse. Others are permitted to take their gifts and choose the dark path just as Judas Iscariot did. Lee explained to Allen that all his questions could be answered just by reading the bible or talking to Jesus, but Allen could not hear God yet. “What do you mean talk to God”, Allen retorted. He did not believe God would speak back to just anyone when they prayed. Lee stated to Allen,”Jesus talks to you all time, you just aren’t listening and don’t believe you can hear him.” “It only takes FAITH THAT YOU CAN to be able to hear God.” “Sometimes he will reply in a thought, words only you hear, dreams, reading, or visions.” Allen often was spoken to through visions that played out like movies in his mind, once he believed! Allen was starting to understand that most of the thoughts racing through everyone’s minds are not their own! The hard part was figuring out who was talking to you, Jesus or Satan. Lee had told him that, “Jesus will never go against what is written in the bible or tell you to do something immoral”. “For it is written, everyone will be tempted and tested.” This alludes to why we are here: First, to choose God over Satan and earthy pleasures. Second, is to please God by living according to his word the best we can! Not much later, Lee confessed to Allen that he had all the gifts and not just the three they had discussed. This blew Allen’s mind, “what do you mean all the gifts”? Lee replied,”there are gifts that you will be stronger in and there will be gifts you are weaker in, but you contain them all.” “They just haven’t all been revealed yet.” “Once you have been completely filled with the understanding, you will know and you can’t UN-know once you do.” Allen not did understand that there was going to be a choice he would have to make and once done there was no turning back. All or nothing, there is no middle ground with God.
Allen’s world didn’t seem real to him at this point and he tried to make sense of it all while trying to return to a normal life. Normal as he knew it though was over. He tried to put things into the back of his mind for awhile and visited a long time friend of his who ended up introducing him to Mathew. Allen’s reception of this man was way different than previous introductions because of the strange tie and closeness he felt for a man he had only met in passing before. It was as if emotion was given a white color and surrounded this man. Love, humility, and compassion were all over Mathew and Allen could feel it. The tie between them was deeper than just the presence of God that Allen perceived. They were spiritual relatives as he would later find out. Allen rejoiced that he had found another person besides Lee that he could talk to about how his life had changed, because he only saw Lee at work and Mathew was local to where he lived. Allen soon discovered that Mathew was special too and had the gifts of prophecy and discernment strongly with him. Their understanding between them was about even at first meeting, but Allen was advancing fast due to his job and the attacks coming upon him. Capt Warrior Messenger was a title and rank that he would later be given that he already had before he was born! God already knows what you are going to do every second of every day of your life! Where you will be and your rank/job has already been decided without going against your free will because Jesus already knows the choices you will make, as well as the outcome of each one.
Many people of his past had taken notice of Allen, but he never knew why they all seemed to have some type of psychic gift and he had none to his current knowledge at the time. He always feared God even at a very early age even though satan was after Allen from the very beginning. Allen’s mother had mysteriously fallen down a flight of stairs while pregnant with him, which resulted in Allen being born with brain damage, a photo convulsive seizure disorder, speech impairment and dyslexia/ADHD. Every time Allen gave into the sinful desires enticing him as a child, thoughts of unworthiness plagued him to contemplating suicide. Luckily, though at age 6 his thoughts of how to do it were limited to holding to his breath which he couldn’t maintain very long and ended up feeling like a failure at that as well. During this time, his mother was cheating on his dad with a man that beat Allen every time he came over while his son was molesting Allen’s 4 yr old sister. This went on for about 6 yrs until they moved back to Alaska, where Allen was born. Satan also tempted Allen through family and girlfriends to seek gifts that his might be revealed to him and he could be persuaded into using them wrongly, but he never went beyond wondering until a girl named colleen got him using the same board he watched his parents use as a child. He had little knowledge of how bad these things were until later. The witch he would marry as his second wife would lead him seeking on a different level and he would be granted sight of a demon to show him what he was playing with. This terrified Allen so bad that he swore it off completely until the revealing of his gifts by God. Allen’s parents were into the channeling of what they thought were just spirits, but were actually demons through the use of boards and like devices. When Halloween would come around, his dad would take him and his gifted sister to grave yards where she would lay her hands on headstones and unknowingly channel demons that way. Allen’s sister was given many gifts early on just to protect him, but she didn’t even know until after everything was known to him and he told her. She protected Allen without even knowing she was most of the time. Allen’s dad and sister claimed to see what they often described as transparent people walking around all the time. Allen later learned that Angels and demons are what are here with us. The dead either go to heaven or hell; they do not hang around for any reason. His dad often boasted of so-called prophetic abilities that were no doubt given by satan to entice him into more sinful things. GOD would not give such gifts to those of HIS who would use them wrongly. What people commonly misunderstand is that every gift is from God, for even satan’s power originated from God. Jesus is the source, but if the gifts you have aren’t being used to glorify God, then you are unknowingly serving satan. The farther you drift down that path, the less you feel and know you are doing wrong. The Holy Spirit is what convicts everyone of the wrong they do, your conscience as people claim it to be is God speaking to you. The more you ignore God, the less you hear God. By refusing God, you have chosen satan and are going to hell. Now, Allen’s largest problem growing up was women. His intentions for marriage were honorable, but the women he was always drawn to were always less than angelic to say the least. His heart was good and he trusted at first glance until he was given a reason not to. This made him child-like but hampered his judgment and resulted in many poor decisions. The type of women he always chased after were kind of labeled the bad girl and he never knew the draw he felt from this was not of God. He loved them all, but his heart always suffered which led to it being hardened. Faithfulness was something he couldn’t seem to find in any women he latched onto. Satan wasn’t only attacking him directly, but through everyone he had contact with. Everyone can be influenced whether they are saved or not, some are just more subject to it due to their weak will. The more life seemed to be against him, despite his efforts to look for the light at the end of the tunnel, the more his heart grew cold and he was filled with anger. The angrier he got, the more demons hung off him like a playground. Allen got involved in many sinful things as a result, but there is a good reason for why it was permitted to happen by God. A parable in the bible states that if two men each owing debts of different amounts are forgiven, who do you think will love their master more for his mercy. Jesus spoke these words and the reply given to him was the man who owed more. Jesus acknowledged this as right answer because that man would love more, because he was forgiven of more. The key here is that a man that feels unworthy of what he has been given will be merciful in his dealings with others and mindful of his future actions. Having a sinful past also aides someone in the counseling of others with like problems or addictions.
Knowing where he came from and what he done in his past, Allen couldn’t help wondering “why me”. The thought of having a gift, let alone all of them was something he couldn’t grasp mentally. “What would make God want me”, he asked himself regularly. What he wasn’t getting though is that everyone is forgiven who accepts grace and is seen as blameless in the eyes of God. Those given gifts, are those chosen do more and not just have more. The good always comes with the bad, you have to accept both. Gifts are given to serve others in acts of God’s will, not the beholder of the gift(s). Those endowed were willing to serve others before they had knowledge of their gifts or title. Once this sank in, Allen began having a problem remaining humble and not looking down at those that weren’t entrusted with as much. It was yet another test! His humbling came as he was alone one night in his trailer while his wife and kids were gone to his in-laws. He was in his bed when the phone rang and as soon as he realized it to be Mathew, that heavy fear came upon him and he noticed it happening more when he was talking to Mathew. This time was overwhelming and he almost threw the phone in desperation as things intensified. He could feel the demon pacing outside and made his way to the center of his trailer in front of his couch, which sat elevated on carpeted blocks. Standing there, fearing the next moment, a vision is thrown into his mind of these demonic arms reaching out from under the couch and ripping his legs out from under him, dragging him under the couch…Allen blocks the rest and stands there praying as he had before, awaiting his rescue. The anticipation of what was going to happen once he felt the demon was agonizing. He was humbled!
Allen began to search the bible for answers mostly because Lee wouldn’t tell him more and it was time he found them on his own. Lee had instructed him to read the new testament 10 times and the old once since it is by the New Testament that we are saved and instructed. Allen though was not reading it to take it all in, but rather to answer specific questions and get through it. Lee had warned him not to read the bible like a novel, but he didn’t listen. Lee knew he wouldn’t and that was part of the reason he was to read it 10 times. When he calmed down enough to understand what he was reading, God led him to chapter 9 of the book of Mark. Here, it illustrates the casting out of a demon from a paralytic boy that suffered from seizures that often threw him into fire and water, trying to kill him. The passage gives details of what things occurred to the boy as the demon was cast out by Jesus. It is listed here also by Jesus that this type of demon comes out only by fasting and prayer. Jesus had led Allen to read certain scriptures before events pertaining to them often, but this was the first one. Allen’s wife Nicole (which he still has today) has a seizure disorder which Allen now understood to be caused by demons tormenting her due to weak will and unbelief in God. Medication seemed to prevent the seizures when she took it. Often though the demons would enrage her with this she-ra like attitude (she seldom felt any kind of emotion except anger, not just toward Allen, but their kids as well) and she wouldn’t take her meds. Resulting in them totally controlling her, the pills would have numbed her to not be receptive to them if she had taken them. Allen was getting ready to leave for work when he noticed his wife get delirious as was common before a seizure. Nicole would describe the feeling of everything seeming familiar like it had happened before and her mouth going completely dry. Then her body movements slow and it feels groggy as the lights go out and she drops to the floor. His wife’s actions continued as listed while their second oldest child Linly, watched in horror as her mother convulsed violently on the couch where she had landed. Allen Rushed over to her as Jesus appeared to him and stood there beside him, immediately Allen was calmed. Jesus was about to walk him through the events of chapter 9 of the book of Mark with his wife portraying the paralytic boy. Allen observed his wife’s body contorting and begins to pray the Lord’s Prayer from Matthew 6:9 Jesus instructed him where to place his hands upon his wife as he continued praying. Her eyes opened and the violence of her seizure increased while she began gritting her teeth at him as if to bite him. Allen is thinking to himself in a detached state of mind”wow, she looks pissed!” Jesus tells him to pray and command in his name that the demon leave her body now! As this was done, Allen’s wife grabbed him by belt on both sides of his hips and appeared to be trying to throw him through the wall behind her, but she appeared to not be able to budge him like he weighed a ton. Allen laughs to himself and thinks “are you kidding me?” His arrogance here was only because of Jesus standing with him because he knew he would be ok. His wife on a regular day could easily pick him without being angry. This infuriated the demon, But Allen was told again by Jesus to pray and command the demon to leave again in his name. This time his wife fell against him, with Allen holding her close to him she vomited on his shoulder as the demon was expelled through her mouth. He knew it was over and Jesus was no longer visible to him. Allen looks over at Linly, glad he had a witness, but hoping she isn’t traumatized. This wouldn’t be the last time Linly saw things. She often told her mother of violent nightmares before this happened and never wanted to sleep alone! Allen couldn’t understand why his wife was a revolving door for demons, but loved her still and treated her no different despite what often was inside her. Allen’s daily routine since they had been together was to test atmosphere like the water of a pool before coming around his wife. A fight of some sort often happened when they were alone for too long together.
                           Learning How To Fight
What seemed to be an ordinary day was about to rapidly change, as Allen drifted off to sleep in his camper ALONE! Within his dream, he awakens to the scene of his own trailer, his own bedroom, peering out of it into the hallway. His eyes focus and before him stands a demon that is a great deal bigger than he is with dark scaly skin! This encounter was different from the others though. Allen was filled with rage and attacked the demon by kicking it in the chest, knocking him back down the hall and out of the trailer! His eyes focus again and he is standing over top the demon outside his trailer, ripping its arms off! Allen begins thrashing the demon with its own limbs, he was a DEMON Slayer!  The dream ends on that scene and Allen returns to this realm with questions answered, holding his head high! What stopped him from doing this before now? How was he able to do this? Why was he able to do this? JESUS in him and FAITH that he could is how! Allen had stopped doubting because Jesus flooded him with faith and the Holy Spirit. Why? Jesus knew that Allen wouldn’t believe he could do this until he had done it once. Getting his *** handed to him multiple times, pushed him to the point of saying “enough”! The other attacks built up his faith in Jesus, while also wearing down his fear! Just like backing a Wolf into a corner after tormenting it, eventually it stops caring about what might happen and just FIGHTS! Whether it dies or not, does not matter anymore! This is the point Allen had to reach for him to be able to do the job he had wanted and had been given. He had to let go of FEAR and DOUBT. He had the power from the beginning, but lacked the knowledge and understanding to do it. Allen’s first attempt at doing this while awake came within days of learning.
At the start of his maintenance shift, everyone does rounds. Then, figures out what job they are going to and gathers their needed materials. Everyone else had left while Allen was sitting on the floor in front of a parts cabinet sifting through electrical connectors. Fear grips him as it always had when a demon came after him! Stumbling at first, he rises to his feet and forms an image of the demon and visualized his own intentions. Executing his counter attack, Allen watches himself cut the demon’s head off! Just as quick as it started, it was over! He had triumphed over his fear! This attack was a test because he had to believe on his own, without Jesus overwhelming him with faith. The way the fighting occurs is through mental projection. This is the same way that the demons attack everyone else. If you don’t believe you can do it, it doesn’t work because intense concentration is needed. You have to be completely focused on your objective with faith you can do this because of Jesus in you! Then, make it happen! Another way to explain this is to picture yourself in a familiar scene of your life, where you can see every detail in your mind. Then feel yourself doing the desired behavior. An example would be picturing your backyard at home, then see and feel yourself ******* in the backyard. This should be fairly simple to do and give you a little insight to how it’s done. An example of this in the bible is the entire book of Revelations. John says he was “in spirit” when all was revealed to him! 2 Corinthians 12:1-4 the apostle Paul refers to projection by referencing a man he knows that was caught up to the third heaven. When projecting, Allen’s spirit was extending beyond his body and beating the crap out the demons which are in spirit!


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1 Response May 19, 2012

I'm the only person to read this? Its 2014 now... Well anyway benjamin3312 thanks for doing this. It was very very helpful to me.