Here We Go Again

I know perfectly well that if a delicate topic has come up (is our older son looking for a job yet? doing anything?)especially if its because my husband is asking about it, which means itching to have an alpha dog confrontation with SOMEbody...I know I need to find a peaceful inside place and walk gently, but again I didn't. It's not hard to do, and makes all the difference to both our sons, but I..forget? Don't make the effort? It's not like I'm being nasty or angry or anything, just marginally more irritated than usual, so he sees that and bingo, he's on it. Even then I could say calmly, sorry, no not thinking about son and job, but yeah, could have been nicer blah blah, but didnt do it. So everyone has a lousy morning, and I cant let it go...they hate it when I talk at all, and I talk to release my feelings and to desperately try for a response. And I know it doesnt work that way, and surely I can be bigger than that since all that matters is how my kids feel, but there I go again I"M SUCH AN IDIOT!!!

roisindhu roisindhu
46-50, F
3 Responses Feb 11, 2009

Your younger son may only hate the talking because he doesn't like the most likely result - that isn't all you either! Kids are smart - smarter than we are - and they also have survival skills that we have lost because children are naturally self-centered and self-preserving - he may have developed a coping mechanism - hope that if he doesn't talk and urges you not to talk - the "tantrums" will stop! (like that I called what your husband does a tantrum?? Okay, I am being a little ugly - this just hits a little close to home) Keep writing - I will have to read your new story!

Thank michelle and analytical so much. Ana - you have described exactly what it is like for me except that my younger son also hates talking. And since I'm new here I'm not sure if I should have posted another story to respond (which I did!) or comment or what?

Am I understanding this correctly? He can get mad and have a confrontation with you but you can't do the same - all confrontations involve more than one person, for one! Also, you said, "they hate it when I talk at all, and I talk to release my feelings and to desperately try for a response." Who is they? And hate it when you talk at all??? Wow - I have to tell you there isn't a THEY in my house that hates it when I talk, but there is a HE - my husband and I have not been doing well for, well, most of our marriage, but recently, he thinks we are doing better, because we are not arguing.... Do you know WHY we are not arguing? Because I am no longer talking - not the "I'm not talking to you - hmphh - take that" but I am actually not engaging at all - we are not talking about anything deeper than what groceries we need and who is going to be where and when... I think he likes it that I have stopped talking - it is killing me - and something inside me, I fear, has died. I wonder if you are feeling the same way. It sounds like you take on ALL the responsibility for peace in the home - DON'T! It just really makes me sad to think you are feeling this way! Talk some more - I know I understand and I bet others do too!