Who Am I?...

So old, yet still a child.

I think that sentence sums me up very well. I can't remember if I've ever posted a story on here that allowed you all to see who I truly am. 

My name is Elizabeth.  My middle and last name are not important right now.  I live in the bible belt of the United States, much to my chagrin.  I am fifteen years old.  Sixteen in September.  I will be a sophomore in high school this autumn.

My awakening started at an early age, when I was about two or so.  I was unaware of it at the time of course.  My parents have told me stories about how they overheard my "conversations with God".  Saying something, and then listening as if I could actually hear someone reply.  I never had an imaginary friend.  I was always aware of this.  I was always aware that I was different.  More aware then I should have been.  I could always predict when something would happen too.  My dad was putting up a shelf in one of the rooms in one of our old houses.  I told him it would fall.  It did about ten minutes after he put it up.  Things were quiet for a few years after that.  We moved around quite a bit until settling in Southwest Missouri.  We attended the services of the Episcopal Church, of which I am still a proud member of, and my priest, Mother Kathy, encouraged me to start going to youth events.  My first one would be a mission trip to Kentucky when I was twelve, and that's where things started up again.

It wasn't really until about the third or fourth day of our week there that things started happening.  I was sitting outside during our time off, listening to music and sketching in my pad.  I heard a man call my name.  Only, it sounded like it was coming from inside my head.  I thought it was impossible and that it was just the headphones blocking the noise and making it sound far away.  There were five men with us on the trip, only one of which was a youth, so I thought it was one of the adults.  I looked up.  No one was there.  I turned my head to the right.  No one.  I turned my head to the left.  Again, no one.  I leaned forward from my perch on the chair to see if any of the doors were open.  None were.  I brushed it aside, and continued to sketch.  I heard my name again, and again I looked up, searching for the man who called my name.  It sounded familiar, but it didn't at the same time.  I took my headphones out, and set my things down, looking around.  I gave a tentative hello out into the abandoned parking lot (We had been staying at a local motel.  It was very homely.).  I didn't see anyone, and no one had walked past me the entire time I had been out there.  I know this because the room I was in was the second to last of the girl rooms we had.  I called out to the man again.  This time he answered, and it was in fact in my head.  He said, "Elizabeth, listen to me!"  Only, he used a different name other than my own.  I don't want to give it out at this time.  I told him that wasn't my name, and then gave him it to him, telling him he had the wrong person.  He told me that he didn't.  I then asked him who he was, growing certain that I was, in fact, losing my mind.  He told me that he is known as the Archangel Michael.  I knew I had gone crazy.  I shook my head, refusing to believe what was going on inside my head.  Wouldn't you have done the same?  I tried to stand, but I couldn't.  He told me that I had work to do.  He said, "Teach them."  I looked up at the sky (It had been raining all day up until about an hour or so before.) and the clouds had parted in one spot.  I could see stairs leading up to a beautiful gate.  Light poured out from this spot, and a sense of longing overwhelmed me.  I saw an image of the man.  He was very handsome, but I felt only love of a sibling for him.  He had blonde hair that reached his shoulders.  Sharp, distinguished features and the most brilliant blue eyes.  He smiled at me, and then everything disappeared.  That same night, during compline, I felt nails digging into my bag, pulling at my shoulder blades, and I felt horribly dizzy and tired. Needless to say that I was freaking out.  I talked with my priest about it when I got back home, and she told me to pray for answers. 

I prayed every night for a month or two.  I did research on the internet, learning as much as I could about angels.  I came across something on Indigo Children, and my reading took off. I spent the longest time reading about these kids, and everything rang true for me.  I had known I was different from the minute I was born, and now I had an answer as to why.  Something was still missing though.  I continued to read until I came across something called an "Incarnated Angel".  I read over some of the signs, and only a few of them rang true to me, and I almost dismissed the thought.  Until I came upon this little group right here.  I posted a story on here and I got what I thought at the time was the most unhelpful advice from the older members.  "Look into yourself, and you will find out."  Now, I realize that was some of the best advice I could have been given.  Anachel was one of the most understanding people on here, and I miss her terribly.  She would give some of the best advice anyone could ever give, and she was usually the one I went to when I had something on my mind.  Then, Lou came on.  Oh, how I love that man!  He would always strike up an interesting conversation.  I got to know Akaia, Aqua, and Iridescent on here too, and now we are very good friends!  Always Skyping and talking about what is going on in our lives.  Then Jim.  Oh Jim, how I adore that man!  Another person I have interesting conversations with.  

I've always been fascinated with Asian culture.  They are such an innovative people.  I've always loved reading about them, and I want to visit the countries there some day.  Mostly China. 

Knowledge is a big thing for me.  I love learning.  I hate studying.  Things usually come easy for me when they deal with knowledge.  I've always been one of those people who just knows things without ever having been taught.  I don't know where the knowledge comes from.  My favorite subject has always been History.  Although, some things I'm taught just seem wrong.  Like there are pieces missing. 

I don't know if I would consider myself beautiful.  Pretty, maybe.  I have long, dark hair.  Pale skin.  Long lashes that framed golden brown eyes.  High cheekbones.  I'm short, standing at a whopping five foot three.  I've been told that I just feel old.  I've always used older slang, and I talk differently than most people my age and even older. 

So, this is me.  What do you think?

May you all have many roads to travel on your journey.

Taniel Taniel
5 Responses Jul 3, 2012

So, that left me with a lot of questions. (sorry a writers mind) but, devils advocate here, have you possibly spoken to someone who didnt have just the angel theory?

The angel theory? Can you elaborate on that please?

Absolutely. And no insult meant, but you came across the "Indigo Children" and then sort of took off with that idea. what other possibilities did you explore?

None taken! I looked at Wise ones, elementals, and the possibility that I was just crazy.

So, Im not completely uneducated on this subject. And I know that most of those, except the crazy of course, usually fit together in the same belief systems. So why not, the Father wants me to be a teacher, a priest, even a prophet? why angel?

I'm afraid I don't understand the question again. Could you try rephrasing it?

Sure,i'm trying to ask without getting too personal.but to be put bluntly, there are many, just as spiritual, but less winged, interpretations to your vision. what screams "hello Im an angel"?

Just an internal sense of knowing. Like, when you are a child, still learning your name, your mother will call out your name, and for some reason you know she calling for you.

what im about to say will seem combative. please it is not meant that way. but for someone who is as intelligent as you seem to be, that seems a tad bit like shallow and self glorifying thinking.
i dont doubt the possibility for your answer, just ... its just the un-debatable, "just a feeling" answer that frustrates me.
Not everyone who "feels" special really is.
And yes, that sounded meaner than I meant it

I get where you're coming from. I really do. I'm really not sure what you want to hear from me though.

Heh, to be honest, Im not sure what Im wanting to hear either. Empirical evidence in the spiritual realm is a bit lacking.
But maybe you should check out the Books of Enoch. they're my favorite on the subject

I will! Thank you!

no worries. nice discussion. ever feel like debating again. give a shout

Will do! Thank you again!

10 More Responses

Happy 4th of July to you all.

Hi Taniel,<br />
<br />
"Look into yourself, and you will find out." Just so prefect a way to learn and the many ways and years it takes on this path. <br />
<br />
It is great that you see the difference about learning and knowledge.<br />
<br />
Stay on track as you are thinking beyond that way most of our young people think. <br />
<br />
To love and Grace...

Thank you!

Taniel,<br />
You are so charming and sweet. I also miss Anachel. I am starting to write some more. Been busy attending two colleges and working.

It's been so long L0oree! I look forward to hearing more from you!

hehehe hugs!!! <3 You have gone sooo far!!

Oh, you know how I do. ;)

Hehe your soo sly! ;)