Incarnated Fae- How It All BeganI have heard of so many people that knew from early childhood that they felt special and connected. They always had some gifts they could use. But most of all: They KNEW. And that made me always wonder. If I was someone special why did I never notice before?
Well, the reasons are complicated.
Some of you may have noticed that I'm an incarnated fairy. And I can tell you: A long time passed before I did notice myself. Today I finally know the reason:
When I was a baby I used to scream a lot. An awful lot. I couldn't sleep except in my mother's arms. I screamed a lot with men, too. As a small child I used to have problems with our food. I refused a lot even vegetables and fruit. The only food I'd like to eat would be sweets and food with a lot of sugar. I was afraid of men and hated boys.
And most of all: I was shy. Awful shy and full of fear. I feared almost everything. I felt akward and small most of the time. I was easily intimidated and was afraid of everything new and foreign. I was very sensitive, too and used to cry easily and a lot.
I was born into a loving family. But as most families it wasn't without it's flaws. My father left us when I was around two years old. He used to visit me but that wasn't very often. My mother on the other hand was over caring and mothering. She is a very dominant person and likes to control people. So she used me so she had something to care for and do in her life. She was very unhappy with it, didn't have a husband or anything or a hobby. she wanted me to be very dependend on her. It worked out. I obeyed her in everything and started to feel miserable about myself. I started to think that I was small and depended and helpless because she was so dominant and did everything for me, helped me so much I wouldn't even try it myself. Instead of encouraging me to become independent and strong she kept me sheltered and small. She thinks she did it out of 'love'- she didn't/doesn't know better that because of this all my life I used to feel small and unimportant and helpless.
This was the basic feeling I had in my life-being totally inferior to everyone around me. As a result I felt like I was unworthy and a bad girl, ugly even. I used to make myself so small people wouldn't notice me.
When I look back my life wasn't that happy. It was unconsious and it was kind of normal but full of struggle to survive on the inside.
Another aspect is that I actually was different. it was my soal. It was just the way it was but nobody ever explained it to me in a way I would have understood or felt better. So I tried to fit in and be quiet so people would like me or at least don't critizise me.
Didn't work out though.
In primary school I had some friends but was an outsider.
In the next years of school (I'm from germany we have a different school system) from year 5 to10 I was member in a grade were my class mates started to bully me- Today I know they just were my personal mirror to show me my self hate that was soooo big.
But I suffered a lot and it made me feel like a victim. For my soal it was a worthy experience of course.
When I was younger I didn't even notice nature. I rarely went outside and I liked to play alone in my room for myself. Didn't meet many friends. I HATED music. I wasn't an animal freak. I wasn't even really interested in fairies, I loved playing the princess.
So how could I be an incarnated fairy, then?
Now I know:
This could be my first incarnation as a human. I don't know exactly I just know I came from the fae.
And because fairies are full of love and joy they can't really comprehend why a human is suffering. They don't know how to suffer.
I loved earth so much and I was fascinated by humans. I wanted to help earth in the great awakening so I incarnated as a human. But to understand the human beings to the fullest I had to forget everything. And if I say everything I mean everything as I wasn't attracted to anything fairy related in my childhood. In my first nine years in this body I lived in a big house with a lot of families and a beautiful garden with flowers and grass and a swing and big trees. I hardly noticed them. But I know: Unconciously I NEEDED nature being so close to me. So they could help me in the first few years as a small child.
I know I was one of the soft and sensitive fairies. And I still was it when I was born here. but then I came from a loving circle into one full of rejection and fear. I felt terrible. this was the reason why I used to cry so much as a baby: i wanted to get back. I wanted to leave the cold where nobody understood me.
So my whole enviroment intimidated me and I became a shy child feeling lost and alone. I was wrapped in deepest sleep.
But in my deepest heart I was a fairy, still. and this was another reason why I could never really fit in. Fairies are shining personalities and born to stand out.
The time when I slowley, sloweley started to recover from my oblivion was around me tenth year of life. Then the fairies started to come back into my life again. First on quiet footsteps.
My sister, interested in esoterism owned a book about fairies. And the book claimed fairies to be real!
And this was the catalyst for many years of experiencing and recovering.
My interest in fairies grew and grew. Step by step I was interested in anything fairie related. at eleven we got a dog and I had go outside with him. this was
the time when I opened up in nature and started to believe in fairies and searched for them. At 13 I had my first real fairy experience. in the following years I grew spiritualy. MAde a lot of experiences not all of them were nice.
Until today when I finally realized something.
I knew I came on earth to help nature so I first thought I'd be an indigo or crystal child. But it didn't fit. Until I thought about my life ...
and then I finally knew.
Rainbowdance 16-17, F 3 Responses 2 Jul 10, 2012