Discovering Who/what I Was

Um, hi everyone. I figured I might as well post this here, where others wouldn't judge me and where no one would call me clinically insane, like my ex has...

I strongly believe that I'm an incarnated angel. If I'm not, well... okay, but I believe I am. Now why I do I believe that? Well...

Ever since I was born, I've had this really weird connection to the sky. As long as I can remember, I would always stare up at the sky subconsciously, especially if I was upset or heard a whisper, and then I'd feel okay again. Let's put it this way. I've told a few people, and myself, that the sky literally feels like Home. And when I say "I want to go Home" I'm referring to the sky, to Heaven. If anything seems off about the sky or weather, I'll know, and once its back to normal, or say its bright full, full of big, fluffy clouds and birds... It brings me such comfort just to look up at it.

I have no memory or being in the sky... but it still feels like Home, a place to return to for comfort. And I'm damn it, I'm homesick...

I've also had an odd fascination with anything involving angels. I buy angel-statue after angel-statue, 90% of my bookshelf is loaded with books involving angels of some sort, my role-play characters are all angels [fallen angels, but still angels]... Everything in my life has to be revolved around angels in general.

And wings... Oh God, the wings... I have been dreaming of flying for so long, and feel like I may have flown before, and that I miss it, but... I don't know. I just... I'm dying to fly, to soar thousands of feet up with the birds and, perhaps, other angels. There's nothing I want more than to have real, physical wings and to fly. But regarding wings in general... Yesterday, I really concentrated on trying to see etheric wings. And I saw them! I started crying when I saw them. They're around 8ft wingspan, and they're white, with hints of blue and pale yellow here and there. They're really beautiful... Aha, I'm currently trying to ask for a commission to be done for realistic, mechanical wings to look like the etheric ones I saw on myself.

My aura is a blinding yellowish white, with green and blue in various places and a touch of peach, the colour of the Archangel Gabriel, whose my assigned archangel.

There are so many reasons... as to how this discovery could be true, you know? There are other things like the overall sweet face. People have been telling me for years that I have a very sweet, cute face that's "full of innocence" [its actually not all that innocent......]. People tell me there's something odd, yet intriguing about my eyes. They can look into them, and they find peace.

A lot of people trust me, as well. Lately, some are refusing to trust me and I don't know why... but in general, a lot of people "click" with me and get along with me just by a few sentences, or even a smile, and they tell me things only a best friend might tell you; something very important and private to them, a deep secret... They know I wouldn't tell anyone, either.

I have this odd 'want' to be a nurse, or a doctor. And I've been helping people for years. If I were to saw someone crying, even when I was only 6 or 7, I would comfort them and stand up against their bully. I've gotten hurt... I've almost gotten myself killed and was threatened rape 5 times, but I get through it all. I survive, all the time, to help these people. ^^; ...

Being here for so long with my physical "parents" and "step-parents" being separated, and 2 of them being very worldly, its influenced me. Its caused me to sin greatly. I had turned my back on God, the angels, the archangels, anything remotely religious... for a good 2 to 3 years. But... I don't know what happened. I started to feel light-weight presences near me and began to have ringing ears more and more, only to discover I was having messages sent to me... messages from the angels, no? ;) ... And then I realized, I've strayed too far. I found my way back to the path, and soon found out that I could very much so be an incarnated angel.

Ever since I've embraced that fact, everything seems to much easier now. Sure, I still stare up at the sky endlessly and wish to regain my wings and to fly up there. And sure, I cry here and there almost spontaneously, feeling ridiculously homesick and alone... sure, I've struggled a hell of a lot......... but I'll always get through it. I'll always stand tall.

...

I'd like to get to know more people like this. So I'm not so alone anymore... so I don't get told to check into a psychiatric ward if I try to tell somebody I trust/once trusted. I only have one person to talk to about all of this... I think I perhaps may have met an angel, an incarnated one, or even an earth angel... but he was asking far too many questions. He was too curious, too questionable, too confused... I had to say goodbye to him...

Anyway, if any of you agree with this, perhaps think the same, talk to me, 'kay? Either send me a message on here, or directly to my email, since I'm rarely here. -> Luminescentdanger@gmail.com

~Matt
luminescentdanger luminescentdanger
18-21, M
3 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Don't get down, therer is so much to discover.<br />
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Take care of you.

Welcome Luminescent!

welcome, and thanks for sharing... =)