Making Sense of My Life...

I am a 32 year old female, living in the USA. 

I have always known I was NOT like others around me (traditional Christian).  On my quest in this world and trying to be a part of it, I went in the direction of "New Age" or spiritual people, because my relationship with God has always been extreemly strong, it seemed like the next best place to look.  The problem was even the spiritual people were stand offish, though I shared the same gifts and talents as them, they never really understood me.   

So I went on about my life, knowing that I am here to lead and teach, and doing so as God sent those who needed me into my life.   Occasionally, speicial people come through my life whom I know are guides sent to open doors in my mind.  I learn and absorb as much from them as possible.  Yet even those guides have not been able to answer the one question that has burned in my mind: "what am I?" 

Until a few days ago when I met with a energy healer... who made a passing comment during my session that stuck about "earth angels". 

The thought had never crossed my mind of being an angel, because I am not a sweet person, I am not even overly nice. I am actually rather harsh, and irritable a lot of the time.  However, I teach... I teach everyone I come in contact with.  I am also overly understanding, honest and considerate.  I can't hate people because I KNOW them from the inside out, but their irrational thoughts irritate me. 

I have a power in me that others feel and that I am just begining to understand.  I have never felt limits or restraints.  Fear is a guide of what I need to work on, not avoided.  When told that something is not possible, I do, so that others after me can as well.  I am the front line fighter that shows that all things are possible.  It is God's power that allows me to be that person paving a way for others.  I am just NOW begining to understand that it is my form of servitude to mankind. 

It had never occured to me that light could be too pure for others, until I started thinking of it in terms of being an angel... my life started to make sense.


gardendragon76 gardendragon76
31-35, F
5 Responses Oct 26, 2008

Your story resonates with me very strongly. I am 34 nurse living on Long Island NY. I too feel that I am a "front line fighter". Since childhood I have been through hell and back - living in a disruptive household as a child - then journeying into chaotic teen-hood only to realize that fear has been my greatest teacher. Through healing, meditation, group meditation, and attunments I was able to look in the mirror and see that the illusory me - was not what I thought was me. The healings cleared me of that dense energy in which I thought was me. As my vibration became lighter everything that surrounded me either resonated me - or tried to attack me. The lighter one is - the darker the forces it will attract - only so that the dark can be healed by the light. Needless to say that surrounding myself with like-minded others and continuing to do the work has helped me tremendously.<br />
My closest friends and family could tell you that my personality at times may seem very un-angelic -like, but I know that all of my experiences display witness to others and mirrors what it is inside them. I feel at times I am in the spotlight - either getting blamed for something horrific that I may have said withing my circle of friends or walking into the office where I work and feeling people and patients looking up to me and giving me praise. By Gods Grace I have found a community of healers to remind me of who I AM and that has eased my doubts of my origin. I am blessed to be doing the work and am grateful to hear your story. Blessed BE!

I am not nice all the time, but I am just and try to heal with love. Our calling is not easy, but it is worthy.<br />
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Blessed Be!

You might find the movie "Angel-A" interesting. It is sort of a re-make of "It's a Wonderful Life" but the Angel is perfect in her imperfections. The angel of death has the power of death, so that would mean that not all angels are what we know of as positive.<br />
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In human form, we tend to hear a lot of beliefs about good and evil. In perfect state, there isn't good and evil, just be-ing.<br />
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I think of angels sometimes as large fairies---just different size rays of light. Neither better, just different. Fairies or fey ones are known to be quite mischievious. So I would assume that an angel could be quite destructive, in a human-sense/knowing kind of way.

have you ever thought u mite be indigo or crystal children?

I have always wondered weather I was an angel, but I always thought "no I can't be I am not even that nice" but knowing you are an incarnate angel and like you said "very harsh" then maybe I am one too.