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The Memories Just Came In Like a Tornado

My husband forced me to have sex with him on several occasions throughout our marriage. When I finally left him a few weeks ago, it dawned on me that I had finally left someone who abused me. With that realization, a whole flood of memories about my child sexual abuse came back like a tornado. I started to realize after I left my husband that I had never really dealt with the sexual abuse that I had experienced as a child. My emotions are all over the place now and I feel like I'm going crazy. I feel something different every ten minutes and sometimes I feel totally irrational. I had my first appointment with a therapist last week who told me that I ought to consider "Intensive Outpatient Therapy" because she feels that I'm in "crisis mode" or "a state of emergency". As much as I think it would  do me good  to go through with this program, there's no way that I can take off work for 3 weeks to go to this intensive therapy every day for 4 hours. So now I'm trying to figure out another way to deal with these experiences.

I want so much to be free from these experiences. I know that they'll never go away and that makes me so angry. But at the same time, I've got to figure out a way to manage the experiences in the best possible way so that I don't let those experiences rule over my life or interactions with others. I don't even know how to get started.

I don't want to start journaling because I'm honestly afraid that the intensity will be too much for me to handle. Yet, I know if I contunue to repress these issues, I'll never be able to break free of the backlash that the abuse has caused.

But, like I said...I don't even know how to get started.

SundayInJune SundayInJune 31-35 11 Responses Apr 9, 2008

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Dear Sunday-in-June, I Strongly suggest you report your ex-husband and Anyone else who has abused you, sexually or otherwise, to the Police....... They are Very understanding over matters like these and they make sure that the perpitrators who hurt you pay for it............ :)<br />
Good Luck,<br />
I Hope you encourage Other members of this Group to do likewise. Otherwise you are letting the guilty people laugh at you, and get away with it......................... :(<br />
Be strong........<br />
LOL

We just build who we want to be by bringing new experiences into our lives that support who we want to be and avoiding those experiences that detract from who we want to be. I have found that it has helped me to remember how old my abusers were at the time of the remembered abuse (including my mom, who was much younger than I am now at the times that she hurt me most) and recognise that that confused and wrongminded younger person cannot have any more control of my life.<br />
I wish you pease,<br />
Bob

hi I am karla if you ever need a friend to vent to just talk to iam here for you<br />
iam so sorry for what you went thew its so sad what your husband shouldnt have force <br />
you ,my ex would do stuff like that . some people have a hard time dealing with the tabu subject <br />
have you go in councling? it does help iam still in councling . iam here for you

Every day is a confrontation and a reward. To release the pain and embrace all of the new possibilities is an amazing feeling!

I do understand that taking three weeks off of work is illogical. You may be able to see a therpists after you get off work. There are some who have late hours. It may mean you need to see a therapist like once a week. or more. The NLP stuff she was talking about up there is pretty much similar to stuff they would teach you in therapy and I think it would be a viable resource. I am very sorry you had to go through this. I am really glad you left and that you are here to talk to. I go to intensive outpatient therapy myself and I am no entirely sure it will solve your problem. Life changes are usually what makes things better. Coping mechanisms might help you. Writing has helped me a lot since I was small. I find knitting highly cathartic and helpful in situations that cause anxiety. If there is a time when the anxiety and thoughts are making you feel incapable of functioning properly then you might want to consider taking off of work. May the Goddess blessings be upon you dear. Life is way too short for us to be so miserable.

Therapy is weird - one day you speak of something and it makes you scream until you're hoarse, the next day the same thing leaves you numb. And you can never tell what will set it off. What you think is vital and significant and fills your nightmares turns out to something less dangerous than remembering a birthday party - especially recalling what really happened at that party.<br />
<br />
Be careful. And have someone else drive you - some of the worst sessions leave you too exhausted to drive. And luck.

One thing that might help is to confront your molester if possible. If that is not practical, write a letter to that individual and express all the feelings you fely at the time and what you are feeling at present. When the letter is done, either send it or burn it. The idea is to get those stifled emotions out and expressed. <br />
<br />
I give you my love and hope you can make it through this ordeal.<br />
<br />
Tom

look into NLP (neuro linguistic programming) and learn how to re-program your brain and take control of your thoughts, you have more power than you realize to heal from within. go to www.holistic-online.com or just google neuro linguistics and brief through the many choices. *hugs & smiles to you*

Therapy is a real good start - did wonders for me. I'm still in it, but my work schedule kinda makes it hard to attend regularly. But, still it helps. I journal, too.

One day at a time and no you cannot practically take three weeks off -- thats about good pay for the therapist. Feel good about knowing that every few days you are putting one day aside just for yourself and in that day you make LOTS of progress. Beleive me, you will not forget ever, but the intensity will lessen and other interests will fill that void Trust me

hey grrl i'm here if you need to chat.