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My Journey So Far In Ep

ok im bored........i have nothing much to do now ........and im in ep........this has been the case eversince iam active here.....so im ask myself here.....why ep?
when i first came out with my story (http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-Closet-Lesbian/2265390

i felt relieved to be able to write out (even if it was to strangers)stuff thats been haunting me for years.....then came the part where u find people in ur situation where u kindof connect as in u know their pain and they know yours........wat next hmmm i get a little bit more adventurous...... i post seeking a online relationship
(http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Want-A-Lesbian-Girlfriend/2614796)

i did get respones of all kinds more from men ,bi curious ones and what not anyway and being starved of attention(barring men) i tried to speak to all and sundry and flirted as if theres no tommorow in life......but does tat satisfy my inner cravings .....no .....so i started reading stories find women who r in similar situation ....adding them to the circle ..... and see if theres anyway to chat with some 1 i click

so now i realise theres no limit to my craving .......earlier about ayear ago i really wondered if i could find some1 to talk out my issues .....now that i got that i telll myself wat harm that little bit of flirting would do.....and now at a point where any free time i get i come to ep and deligently follow stories and filter out people i can connect with..........im glad i made a few good friends here.........but for watsoever reasons it is just not enough !!!u eventually want that some1 special wholl take ur breath away

will i ever find tat some 1?and even if i do, wat next?ill probably flirt with her online and wat next?just like my story so far in ep ?i wont be satisfied with tat?i would want to connect with the person physically emotionally? but can i really do it ?im married ........... and coming from a country and a background theres no way i can ever come out of the closet to my husband or family.......so the fact remains i would stay so for the rest of mylife? and wat r the odds tat ill find someone from the same city ?next to impossible?and yet even if miraculously i were to find ?wat can i do ?have an affair and how is it even going to help me?i was absolutely guiltridden when i had this 1 night stand witha stranger just to chk if im gay or not.......so itll definitely be worse when im cheating on my husband?besides wat the parameters of cheating here .......online flirting is ok but when ur crossing that line it is not?dont we all subconsiously crave and live for the only thing.....love.........and will i ever find 1 that ll last a llifetime??why does there have to be so many questions to ponder ?why cant making decisions that please us be more simpler?

so is ep helping me evolve here or make my life more complicated than what it is already!!!!!!!!
khwaishwatever80 khwaishwatever80 31-35, F Oct 28, 2012

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