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Married An Estp

Not all cliches are false...I married my opposite....I watch him interact with other people in amazement.  Parties and social events energize him, as they drain me.

Unfortunately I tend to use him as a shield between me and the rest of the world, and I have to keep fighting that tendency.

MaMegabyte MaMegabyte 51-55, F 12 Responses Jun 1, 2008

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Interesting. I dated an ESTP for quite a while and I found what you wrote to be true for me as well.

I am an INFJ married for 12 years to an ESTP. For most of this time I have convinced myself that there is some "purpose" in our being together. He was so charasimatic and amazing to watch in the beginning but now, as a mature adult (we were married at 21), I see that I have been using him as a shield to the world. The "wheeler dealer" in him never stops. He is always looking for the next thing to purchase or his next interest. There is no overall benefit to anyone in this exhausting relentless energy and I personally see no point if it is not for the betterment of someone somewhere. As an INFJ, material goods mean litle to me. If you are an INFJ googling this pairing to see if your relationship with your ESTP is a good match, let me save you some trouble. You will never change them. You will have given the best of yourself to make a salesman into something he cannot be. Either accept him or her for what they are or end the relationship and find an ENFP or ENTP.

The INFJ girl I'm dating makes me VERY happy, she keeps me grounded, honest, on task, and ALIVE. sometimes she gets a bit tired, but she does her very best and I love her for that. I think she sort of links me to a part of me I don't get. I love her very much. she is sweet, she listens to me, not like in a she does what I tell her kind of way (LOL as if) but rather she just listens. she is calm and beautiful, a wonderful natural sort of person. I respect that she sees somethings I don't and its never hard to tell her things cause she cares for me too. I was always wondering why she was so enigmatic and tired, and almost lonesome. I got curious so I looked up her type and now that I know more I try my best to be gentile with her, maybe she'll really trust me one day. I know I can have trouble following through, and I guess being empathic, but I do my best for her too. It's weird I've never been motivated to try so hard, wont let her down. Anyway Idk if your ESTP but if all you INFPs are alike then he would be a fool to ruin this.

wow! you are a very sweet and kind person, it made me tear up a bit to hear how you want to be good to her. you have a very lucky girlfriend.

I felt the same way lol :\')

The INFJ girl I'm dating makes me VERY happy, she keeps me grounded, honest, on task, and ALIVE. sometimes she gets a bit tired, but she does her very best and I love her for that. I think she sort of links me to a part of me I don't get. I love her very much. she is sweet, she listens to me, not like in a she does what I tell her kind of way (LOL as if) but rather she just listens. she is calm and beautiful, a wonderful natural sort of person. I respect that she sees somethings I don't and its never hard to tell her things cause she cares for me too. I was always wondering why she was so enigmatic and tired, and almost lonesome. I got curious so I looked up her type and now that I know more I try my best to be gentile with her, maybe she'll really trust me one day. I know I can have trouble following through, and I guess being empathic, but I do my best for her too. It's weird I've never been motivated to try so hard, wont let her down. Anyway Idk if your ESTP but if all you INFPs are alike then he would be a fool to ruin this.

just found out that i am an infj and my husband is an estp. it it not the best relationship in the world, but being the infj that i am, i 'know' that there is some significant purpose for us being together. <br />
i try to be comfortable with some of the things that he does and non-judgemental, but it gets hard sometimes.<br />
i know eft and other energy methods, so this has helped significantly in reducing some of my 'Agggghghhh!s' with him, but it is a difficult relationship.<br />
i believe in sticking it out for the kids and we have 4 young girls. but, the 'feeling' part of me would have a hard time letting go, even though he is almost constantly questioning the relationship. But i think if it ever came to that, i would be able to get over the relationship and him using eft. check it out at emofree.com and no i am not getting any kickbacks for this - they have a completely free manual that teaches you how to do it anyway. thanks for listening.<br />
infj

I am an infj guy dating an istp girl. I'm completely in to her but it's been a rocky experience. Can any one else shed any light on this? And did it work out?

Thanks, dutchie, that is indeed cool....I had never heard of INFJ.COM.....This certainly gives an interesting perspective on the INFJ/ESTP relationship. <br />
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I especially like the "cradling the other's anima / animus "gently." <br />
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Heady thoughts, and I shall definitely check out the site when I get home tonight.<br />
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Thanks for your post!

Look at what Vicki Jo- creator of INFJ.com has to say about INFJ and ESTP..... ( I got this from the relationship section of the site of the INFJ handbook)<br />
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If I compare these two type codes of ESTP and INFJ, it seems apparent to anyone that these are "opposites" simply because they have no letters in common. It seems like a safe assumption. However, if I extend the diagram so it reflects the entire pattern of all eight cognitive processes, what do you notice? <br />
<br />
ESTP = INFJ = <br />
<br />
Se Ni (extaverted sensing vs intraverted intuition)<br />
Ti Fe (introverted thinking vs extraverted feeling)<br />
Fe Ti (extraverted feeling vs intgraverted thinking) <br />
Ni Se <br />
<br />
down into the Shadow processes <br />
<br />
Si Ne <br />
Te Fi <br />
Fi Te <br />
Ne Si <br />
<br />
Beebe classifies this mismatched pairing as an "inverse relationship" because the order of preferences are the same albeit inverted with one another. The favorite process of the ESTP is the inferior process of the INFJ, and vice-versa. The order of processes "mirror" one another, both on the top and on the bottom. <br />
<br />
Using Jungian terms, Beebe states that in this combination, each partner will "cradle" the other's anima/animus "gently." (Ooh, that phrase makes me swoon!) In other words, due to the strengths and weaknesses inherent in this particular combination, each partner will have buckets of patience with their mate's inferior process, or "inferiority complex." (This sounds like a lovely and highly desirable quality to have!) <br />
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Isn't that cool?? I am sure that you rely on your partner for lots of things, but he must rely on you for lots of things as well. It just isn't in out nature to admit out strengths- or to admit that we are doing anyone any good- but I am sure your relationship is equally profitable for him:)

Well, dutchie, when I am ready to trade him in, I'll let you know....maybe y'all'd get along quite fine, since he's Dutch. <br />
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My tendancy is to rely upon him so much sometimes that I lose the ability to take care of myself in some ways (bill-paying, car repair, as 2 good examples).

What's wrong with that (using your husband as a buffer)? We (INFJ's) NEED a shield from the rest of the world! We abhor violence, are super sensitive to criticism, overwhelm easily, have deep empathic abilities- we can sense pain in others like no one else can to the point that it is can be disturburbing to us- we are sensitive to rejection- yet so rare that we are prone to rejection and being misunderstood. If you have your own personal buffer- I say GO AHEAD AND USE IT!!! Where can I get myself one of those....ESTP you said??? :)

You know, I'm on my 3rd extravert (the first 2 were not worth rebuilding, so I just got a replacement). Every time I've dated an introvert it just has not worked out.

My husband and I were like that with our exes... they talked and shmoozed, and we went along for the ride. Now that we're 2 introverts married to each other, we're realizing we are just going to have to get out of our comfort zone a little if we want a social life. <br />
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I say it's good that you appreciate your husband's differences!