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This Personality of Mine is Both Amazing and Confusing: The Ramblings of a Crazy INFJ

I spend a lot of time alone. It can be a problem sometimes, especially since most of the people I know think that it means there is something wrong with me. It's not that at all though. It's just that when I socialize a lot, I need an equal or greater amount of down time to be by myself with my own thoughts. I love being this way a lot of the time. I love the complexity of my mind. I love thinking about all manner of things and because of that fact, I am rarely ever bored. I listen to music and I paint, which are both things that allow me to escape into some kind of alternate reality. I have all my best thoughts, ideas and emotions in those moments it seems. I sing by myself because it feels good; not because I want to impress anyone or aspire to be a performer. It's my own little thing.

I go for walks just for fun and I usually feel like some old soul in a young person's body because of that. I just like the solitude; the peace and quiet; the sights, sounds and smells of nature. I don't do the drinking and partying thing like everyone expects that I would for some reason. I guess that's part of the reason that it's so hard to make good friends. It's also why my sister has called me an old cat lady lol (and my father of all people told me I need to get out more). I spend a lot of time on the internet too. Not because I don't like to talk to people, but because I love learning things. I love looking up things on the internet. I have an endless curiosity and the internet has endless answers. I am always trying to figure something out. It's like i'm on a quest for anything at all and when I reach the end of it, I find something else to take its place.

I have so much trouble connecting deeply with people though. I usually like 99 percent of the people that I meet, and I think they mostly like me but I rarely connect with them in the way that I would like. They seem too shallow or something. They also don't see the true me. They see my polished public persona which is mostly composed of my silly side.I'm constantly searching for those special people who embrace my weirdness and all my convictions and opining. People who don't get freaked out when I start discussing really deep topics. People who love laughing and fooling around as much as I do and aren't judgmental. The people that I don't feel awkward to be myself around. I cherish those kinds of people because I have found very few of them so far in my life.

The funny thing is this. I love people, but I don't go and see people. I don't visit friends like I think I should. I always just think how much I like talking to them when I see them. I don't think they can possibly understand how I can appreciate them so much without seeing them at all for weeks at a time. Most people would see that as some form of rejection, but I never mean it that way. I just can't handle socializing like some people can. It's like I have a saturation point for socializing. It's like trying to balance a chair on just two of its legs. I also just have this weird way of reasoning. It's not really reasoning I guess, it's more like just knowing what I do and do not want to do. If someone suggests something that I should do, I can shoot them down immediately without even knowing why myself. I just get a feeling I guess. It makes it impossible then to explain to people why I do or don't want to do certain things. I have my core values and I know my comfort zone. Those two things are very important to me. If either is compromised, I feel like i'm gonna implode :P It's too bad really, because I've always wished I could be more daring and extroverted. People always seem to like extroverts more and they also seem like they are always just living life to the fullest. I've been told time and time again that i'm wasting my youth doing nothing. It never feels like that to me until someone brings that up. Then I feel a sense of urgency and an inability to do anything about it. Something always prevents me and then I feel like a failure at life. I always think that I'm the only one in the world like that. Lately I've been realizing though, that there are far more people that think and act like me than I initially thought.

Anyway, this isn't so much a story as just a rambling unorganized essay of musings. It's a look at how my brain works. This is seriously exactly the kind of thing I will think about when I lie in bed at night. I'm always imagining how I would explain my existence to someone. I guess because I always wish I could. Most people won't let you ramble on for as long as I just did without falling asleep or losing all interest. Who cares right? This kind of thing is probably the sole reason that I never seem to get enough sleep haha. Can anyone else relate? (If you read that entire thing I just want to say that I love you lol and I also apologize for the wordiness but flowery wording is just another thing that I love)
Veryrandomgirl8 Veryrandomgirl8 22-25, F 7 Responses Jan 18, 2013

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I see so much of myself in you, in this. I would love to be an extrovert, but I'm not. Its just not something I can physically do. I've tried, and ended up regretting every moment. I still have random bursts of WTF? Why were you such an idiot!?! Soooo... i just kinda stopped trying. SCREW DA MASSES!! MY HEAD IS NICER THAN YO F***ED UP REALITY!!
I have since then aquired a polished persona much like your own; a quiet, easy-to-like person. Not many try to dig deeper. It saddens me, a little. In fact, now that I have bothered to think about this particular aspect of myself, I have a grand total of three people that I can safely say "understand me." Many of my friends (acquaintances really) say that I should just "be myself." It's not that easy. Many people assume I'm depressed. PSSH NO I'm just quiet. I like the safety, the sanctity of my own mind. It's a lot nicer in here too, by the by. People just dont get that.
ANYWAY before I type up an entire three page report on the inner workings of my mind, may I say that you seem like a very interesting person. It'd be nice to exchange words with someone who really got what the inside of my noggin was like. That's what this site is for, isn't it?
Also, paragraphs. It makes walls of text easier on the eyes! XD

No Paragraphs!!!
D:

Haha thanks for that. By all means, write more. I enjoyed reading it. :) I know what you mean about people not digging deeper. I think it's a two way road though as well. I take a lot longer than most to get comfortable enough to just be me around people, so the polished part of me sticks around longer than it maybe should. I think people might just not realize that there is more of you to get to know? It takes some pretty persistent people to stick around long enough for that I think. Plus the depths of our thoughts might be too much for some people. I can't say for sure. I've often wished I could just trade minds and lives with certain people just for long enough to understand their point of view. That would be a great gift. The world would be a much more peaceful place if we could do that.

Don't feel bad, you're not alone! I feel exactly the same. About what you feel of you having to retire to charge your energy after being with people, it's completely natural. It means you are Introverted, just that. And I think it's great! If one doesn't think about stuff we are slaves of our instincts. Besides, one has to appreciate things, think about stuff, figure things out, get some answers from within, you can't do that if you're with people all the time. Maybe those who are always surrounded by people are the ones that doesn't have deeper connections with people because they are always partying, but since you take your time with your thoughts about other people, you get deeper connections to people, you better appreciate the friends you have and besides if you have a lot of friends, you can't manage to give attention to them all and your relationship with others is based on what you receive from them and you wouldn't be able to give so much as you certainly do. I write poetry and that is due to the way my mind works, my mind seems to do poetry by it's own sometimes and the alone time I get to reflect about stuff. It's from our alone time that we get our wisdom and we can reflect about our experiences, about the future and reach our innerself which most people don't even know what it is and they think you are crazy if you try to explain them what it is. About your confort zone, we all have the need to be there, but we should get out and be able to maintain things outside that zone, for example, you don't need to party and drink all the time like most people say, but you can find a middle-term to be around people and have a good time with people as well. Our brain is an amazing thing! Even if we are introverted, we can train our brain to allow us some extroverted moments. You would be wasting your youth if you would be doing crazy sex with everything that moves or doing drugs and drinking like a maniac, THAT would be wasting your youth. Other than that, you can be yourself, but just expand your circle outside your confort zone little by little, you can't exactly live there :) You are an intelligent, interesting and unique people which have a lot to give to everyone around you. Don't worry about the rambling, INFJs minds are working at 300% and we can talk about lots of stuff and other people become bored because their mind doesn't work like ours, I prefer people who rambles than people who has nothing to say and you have a lot to say :)

Yes! I did read the entire thing--mostly because the further I read, the more I recognized myself! This was a wonderful read and I enjoyed it immensely. It's refreshing to know I am not the only one out there as complex as I!

Hello~~

I absolutely can relate on you. I've been like this since I guess I was in my primary years. Like you, I visit people and I meet people I like because they kind a give me something different and ecstatic feeling. But, not often because I do have limitations or saturation for socializing as you said. I just want to balance it. Im a very home buddy type of a person, and prefer to read books, listen music, watch some gag show on the net, visualizing something good stuffs in my brain, cooking or just simply surfing. I love doing many things because I really enjoy it. I dont know why Im like this. Ironically, whenever when I am with the people I knew or new ones, I blend well with them and they seemed they like me. Its like I have that socializing skill, but here I am cant do constant communication with them because Im a loner. Plus, my deep thinking makes me feel different from them even to my husband. Thats why sometimes, I dont share my thoughts even if I want it because I know they cannot comprehend me. Nonetheless, I still understand those people who cant deeply think like us. Everyone is unique in their own way. Anyway, you all said everything, so no need to further tell my story. Im glad knowing that Im not alone in this road.^^* Cheers!

I'm glad you commented. It's always nice to know that other people get this too. I get what you say about blending well with people. I find usually I get along pretty well with most types of people, but for me I don't usually develop super strong ties with them. It usually feels a bit distanced for some reason. When I do have those friends that really seem to get me, I usually have a much closer relationship in the way that I keep in touch better and they don't get offended if I don't communicate as much as I should. They are initiators usually. I like that and I think I need that.

Yes.I relate to everything you have so wonderfully expressed.I am new here,and I feel as if I am reading about me:need to be alone,solitude,recharge&think after being w/ppl and shallow ppl.I to,love my mond,itz complexity,and my curiousity knows no bounds.Been that way b-4 I was born.I cannot be couped up in a building.I must be outside.I must have freedom:freedom to think,feel,inhale nature w/clear head,heart&soul.I must'see the horizon.:I like to watch,listen,like our Native American brothers&sisters did for millenia.If I cant'Fly Like The Eagle,'I will die.

I love this. It's nice to know i'm not alone. I think that it is perfectly fine for there to be people like us who just like our quiet life and our freedom to just be. We aren't hurting anyone ;P

I feel very much the same way sometimes. Except, I've lost a lot of friends this way. You like being alone, and you don't realize how much you take the people around you for granted until you realize that there's no one else around. You are all you have left. It's amazing that you feel so comfortable in your own mind and know yourself so well, but tread with caution my dear. You say you like to learn new things - you might be amazed at what other humans can teach you. There are many deep people who could connect on your level; they are just harder to seek out because they are probably hiding out alone the same way you do.

I know, it's really easy to lose friends being the way I am. I just wish I could explain it to everyone that I ever met so I wouldn't have to worry so much about it. I'm not the kind of person who initiates, which I totally know is a problem. I'll eventually have to face it and make some serious changes if I want to have people around. It's also very true what you said about people being hard to find. I know they're out there; it just takes some serious digging. They are deep on more than one level :P I definitely don't take people for granted though. I do go out to visit people sometimes, it just often takes an occasion or something. When I do see the people I like, I am usually glowing on the inside from it. I just find that hard to express to them without feeling like i'm being really creepy or something haha. That will take some work as well.

i love you too xD lol (creepy?) anyways i felt like replying because i agreed with some things in there. like the part about wanting to be an extrovert i totally get that i would like to be all happy-do-da yippy skippy but its just not me man it wouldnt feel right. and drinking and partying i really dont give a crap about ive been told that i "havent lived" because im not into that lame stuff but its all good im cool with not doin that kinda stuff.
i like lookin up stuff on he internet theres so much to learn. when i want to know something that just popped into my head bam google it (actually that sounds pretty normal).

"People always seem to like extroverts more and they also seem like they are always just living life to the fullest. I've been told time and time again that i'm wasting my youth doing nothing. It never feels like that to me until someone brings that up. Then I feel a sense of urgency and an inability to do anything about it. Something always prevents me and then I feel like a failure at life."

^^^i can totally relate. id elaborate but youve already got it all up there it seems. weeeell i hope this cheered you up some :D

Haha I appreciate that. You seem really happy :P