I'll Always Be a Social Retard
I think I always will be. I function really well at work, or with my family. But around others my age in social environments I just don't do well. I can fake it, but I hate faking anything. Unless topics are about something I can really get into, and unless its a small group of people, I get all anxious and feel the need to run to the nearest door and get the hell out. I thought as I got older I'd be able to BS like my dad, but I think I'll always just be shy and reclusive. Not that I don't want friends; I really do. That's why I'm on here, to talk with people that understand me. But I even get paranoid in chatrooms. Especially if I say something dumb, it's up there for good and you can still read it minutes after I said it. I used to drink alot and I had a great time and met alot of friends, but I almost became an alcoholic. (runs in my family) It sucks being an introvert and also having social anxiety disorder; Maybe all introverts are like that? I take meds now and they help, but I'm still not a sociable person, even though I need the companionship of others. Jesus this sounds sad. I'm not a sad person; I feel good most of the time, but I feel like except for my wife and kids and a few family members, I'll always be on this island and I don't want it to be that way.