What I Wished I Had Learned 20 Years Ago

@A11TheWorldsAstage Wow,I had to smile as I read your response and ponderings. Have you ever read "Stranger in a strange land" by Robert Heinlein? I think you would enjoy it.
I wish I had your joie de vie. You seem full of life and not cowed by being different.

I think Peregrine applies to all INFJ's actually. Its alternate meaning means stranger or foreigner and you were right the reference was not to Peregrine Took.
I also find the meaning of names fascinating. I was curious after reading your missive what your name was.

I actually like words period. Most INFJ's are better at writing then they are at speaking because when we speak we are almost always guarded.unless its for a cause we champion.

I'm 20 years old and am definitely an INFJ type. Many fancies have run away with my mind in these years. //// But sometimes, when I was young, I would imagine I was a Peregrine Falcon soaring and soaring---and DIVING at 200 mph. For recreation. I never struck any prey at the end of those dives. Free and fast. Free at last. I love that bird in particular, I think, because it is aggressive, elite, uninhibited, free; It's everything that is not me. As a child, the Peregrine Falcon was my mental animagus. //// I think the INFJs life is a path of exquisitely purposeful timing and events. //// I find myself constantly, almost obsessively looking forward to where my life will go...which is exactly why I came to read your post about where your life has been. I also believe names are powerful and that it is no mistake Peregrin was here to illuminate my way as I start exploring this site. INFJ is my one and only stop here. (Of course, if you're "Peregrin" as in the Took from Lord of the Rings, then I hope you at least enjoyed reading my little anecdote about the bird and even still---great movies. I digress.) //// As I read through you touched on two of the BIGGEST, most POWERFUL words floating daily through my recent thought processes: love and happiness. What they are, what they mean, how they affect you, me, everybody, and how they are attained (or, for that matter, are they attainable?). But I don't mean to be negative, I mean only to get to the point. The idea of seeking physical balance is wonderful. I feel a deep satisfaction when I imagine that course of action...like I know it will help me. You're absolutely right, there must surely be a toll taken on our bodies from the damaged energy we process in our minds. The fruitful pleasures of our mind's work decomposing into damaging physical manifestations. Oh this life we live, huh. It is a strange and fickle pickle, indeed. ///// I inherently trust people because I believe true faith yields true faithfulness, but you're right about the vampiric leeches on the psyche. Since I was 3 years old I have felt attuned to a strong sense of intent/motivations within people's actions or words. This gift has ENABLED me to guard myself from the negative. With strong convictions and proper motivation our abilities are useful and strong. I feel like we INFJs, though few in number, can protect our extraordinary minds from the pressure of 98% no problem. ///////// One last thing I would say is in regards to this quote: "It is a blessing you send out into the world and sometimes you get to see it come back to you when you least expect it." ----I love it. Paying it forward. Blasting a blessing into the world for our fellow brother to cling to in a world with nothing real enough to grab anywhere else. With the rest of our lives becoming a series of intangible, impersonal technological outlets of expression...the mystic's weight of the word "LOVE" hammers home with the only outlet real enough to hold on to.

What great advice! Thank you!

Thanks for the advice, I will keep them in mind.

What is INFJ?

your writing made me smile and inspired..
feels really good knowing that I'm not alone here..
thank you very much, Peregrin. God bless you abundantly.. :)

15 min left in the year 2012. I wanted to take the time to say thank you to all the people who read what I had to say and if I didn't reply personally to you after you made a comments about my post please know that I read everyone. I wish you all the best in the coming new year. I had a lot of challenges in 2012 and I hope that 2013 is better for many reasons, not just for myself but for all of you who have had challenges as well. God bless and a happy new years.

I know there is a price for being an empathetic person, but, I am glad there are sensitive people in the world and that can bring there energies to help those who are struggling. I am an enfp and I struggle with some of the same issues. I gravitate toward the wounded and have a hard time with setting limits with people. I wouldn't want to be anyone else, though. Thank you for the insightful article.

W o w. Thank. You.

Knone I studied biochemistry and molecular biology in college. I wanted to be a veterinarian every since I was very little but my dad told me he would not pay for me to be a veterinarian. I ended up leaving school and joining the army where I did technical type stuff. I went back to school after the army on the va bill. During my junior year I started working at an investment firm and got my series 6 and series 7. Somewhere along the way I saw the movie about Hal (2001 A space odyssey) and became really interested and intriqued about computers and taught myself programming while I was still working at the investment firm. I've been programming every since, mostly web programming. If you are struggling with deciding what to do because you have so many interest, realize you don't have to choose just one. You might end up having serial careers. I plan to write in my next career:) .

Wow, I feel like crying. I needed to read this post! Thank-you! Can I ask you a personal question (mostly because I'm a little lost at the moment)? What did or do you do for a living?

THANK YOU SO MUCH ! I needed this !

Thank you for posting this! I have noticed that I am drawn to emotionally wounded or damaged people. I just get an overpowering longing to understand them. These relationships always end in a wonderful and deep friendship, or a destructive and emotionally tiring friendship in which I find incredibly difficult to abandon. I am happy to know that I am not alone.

wow... this has actually helped me understand so many things that i even hated myself for.. thank you so much for this post!

THANK YOU. THANK YOU, THANK YOU. When I read this I thought you were reaching into my soul and telling me exactly what I needed to hear. I felt like you wrote this about me. WOW, truly thank you!

I feel honoured to have read this. Thank you.

Lunarpisces my moon is in Pisces as well! Hows that for coincidence! I have no idea what that means just was the first thing that popped into my mind.

Thank you, this is something I needed to see. I feel like I'm beginning to realize all of these things on my own but it feels good to know that there are others who understand.

This explains so much to me. So glad you wrote it.

Wow, lots of good insights for us INFJs! No wonder your story has 19 votes, 20 now and counting! *winks*

Joangelgurl I'm so happy for you that your health is better. I learned something this week from Oprah and Ilyanla(yes I am a huge fan). Take responsibility for the energy you bring into a room. Its a powerful statement. As an INFJ we are like barometers when we come into a room we notice the energy whether its positive or negative. Too often we pick up negative energy from one contact and then it trails us the rest of the day. Sometimes if you want to stay positive you have to consciously limit your contact with the people who are negative and consciously make the decision to change the energy in ourselves after a negative contact. Recognizing that truth and implementing it however are the difference between the student and the master... in this I am definitely a beginning student:(

Limiting contact doesn't mean you can't pray for them and love them from a safe distance.

wow, you have written the kind of person i'm to T. This describes me completely & i have had way too many leeches in my life. I finally did this a few weeks ago where i just Said NO & WALKED AWAY.



The odd thing is that I felt in my heart soul i was wrong & should of done this a long time ago but for some reason just kepted on getting hurt. WHY??? WHY DO WE DO THIS??? I even knew in my soul these person kept bringing really bad things into my life but i would dismiss it. stupid me - finally i have gotten away from this person & feel alive again. i'm even doing great health wise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey if any of you are on Facebook come find us. The INFJ group there is at 8000 strong and counting. Its very active. The world should be very afraid:)

Wow.. Thanks for this piece. It's helping alot.

I love this post. I only recently learned the term INFJ after I was diagnosed as such when I had to take a Meyers Briggs test for a job (which I didn't get). Reading the description was liberating. It said INFJs lead "from the inside"--as in, they are leaders, but not obvious. People have told me I'm a leader for years and I always disputed it because I had never thought of leading another way--from the inside of a group, subtly.



I have written a new book about being an INFJ, dealing with the issues. I was searching for INFJ groups who might be interested in it, which is how I landed here. The book is called "Conversations with Mom: An Aging Baby Boomer, in Need of an Elder, Writes to Her Dead Mother" (http://www.betsyrobinson-writer.com/conversations_with_mom_108329.htm).



I too wish I'd known about INFJ stuff a long time ago, but I still don't think I could have written about it until now.

Thank you so much for posting this, it will forever change my life for the better! Thank you so so so much, Laura

Thank you so, much for these comments. I've been struggling lately with a few of the points you've made. I feel very misunderstood and live with a manic step daughter that totally drains me of all of my energy and patience. My husband is always saying" just don't let her bother you" and doesn't get that this is impossible for me. In fact, I often feel like somehow I need to turn into a stepford wife because my emotions and the way others affect me is totally llost on him. Don't get me wrongs he's a great guy and I love him dearly, he just doesn't get the whole empath thing (but is kinda into the whole comparison to Counselor Troi; he's a geek). II also just had a huge argument/falling out of sorts with my mother who told me that I don't give her enough of my attention and that I have no right to be angry with her over multiple things she's said and demands shes made. II decided to stop being a doormat and had it out with her. On the one hand, not having to deal with the constant drama and histrionics is incredibly freeing, but on the other hand she's my depressed mom. Thank you for giving me permission to cut the badness out and live for me and understand myself. Like all IInfos I am a big isolator and am trying to find a way out of this. I am lonely but find the actual work of finginf friendships mentally exhausting. Any help with this would me cry appreciated and I think I'll start a thread about this exact topic!

Heh...I wanted to say thanks. In all honesty I'm not that old, so I assume that's why I never met another infj. Felt like I was the only guy in the world who acted this way and said I though too much. Lol... Kinda nice to see I'm not just some mis-fit. Thanks again! :D

@INFJguytwin1 and @Peregrin: Thank you both for responding to my comment.



I doubt that I'm an INTJ, since a friend of mine is an INTJ and she and I have our similarities and our differences, and I think it's relatively easy to distinguish that she is an INTJ/INTP (she thinks both rings about as true, and doesn't have one that rings as true to her as INFJ does to me). The ironic thing here, with what Peregrin said about my ability to detach myself, is that she thinks I'm too emotionless sometimes, so I think it's more of a personality thing that I possess. Also, it doesn't always work. For example, I never want to hurt people (especially not on in any mental way). But that doesn't necessarily mean I'm deeply emotional about not hurting them mentally. I just can't, and won't.



In regards to your post, INFJguytwin1, I'm truly glad that you've found someone who you can talk to and who'll understand. And I agree entirely about what you've said about friends. And as for me being an INFJ, I think you're right ^^ Thank you for taking the time to comment my post with a reply as long as my own post. It's so easy to get caught up in writing =P

Whow Peregrin,



U express my thoughts, the words could be mine. It felt familiar when i read them, in fact you use the same terminology when I try to explain people who I am, waht I am thinking, what I hate and what I expect. Unfortunaltely I found out to be INFJ about half year ago. If I would have done this test before I would have known earlier what is "wrong" with me. Thanks for this eyeopener!