Crusader

Now, I'm a bit nervous about writing this. I just wanted to start out by saying that because, well, I am. I figure that is a trait a lot of INFPs share; we are our own worst critics. I was drawn to this site by google and decided it would be good to contribute to this group. Now I've learned through prayer and meditation that the best way to describe me, and INFPs in general is the word "Crusader". I often wake up in the morning seeing the day as a battle, and therefore I often end up going to bed seeing every stumble as a loss (anyone else?). At school they tell me to "live in the present" and expect everyone to agree. This always seems a bit silly to me. After all, if everyone lived in the here and now, I don't really think there would ever be any progress. I am also completely convinced that I have a purpose, that I have a duty; to change to world and maybe even to save it...everyone I've told that to so far has told me I'm putting to much on my self, but I know that there has to be a purpose, there has to be a purpose for what I do. School seems to be a bit more of a distraction than of any benefit;  mostly because I don't feel like I'm being a change. I have discovered that I just don't fit in at high school either; people seem to be superficial, immature, and often lack any moral compass. Like, one time, I was in class and the teacher asked everyone, "Imagine that you find a wallet on the street with 5000 dollars. Do you keep it, or try to find to owner?" Only two people in the room raised their hands when she called out for people who would try to find the owner. The rest said they'd keep it, even if they found the ID, and it was revealed to belong to a frail old woman. I almost cried. I knew that our school was missing something, something only God could give. Looking at what I saw, I felt helpless. For the next few lunches, I sat alone, and watched for someway to help, going in only when I saw opportunity. Guilty that I wasn't doing enough, I felt very depressed that I "wasn't doing enough".  I took the Myer-Briggs test a couple days later on the internet and found I was an "INFP" After taking this test about 5 more times to see if it was true, and reading any profile I could find, I decided this must be my type. But then again, I'm unique in one or two respects, even among INFP's. For one, I've heard INFP's are almost expected to be liberal (is this true?), when in reality I'm a proud, borderline-ideologue conservative. Not a republican (they're a bit to far to the left). A conservative. So anyway, I hope this experience was helpful to you. If you have any advice, I'd love to hear from you.
 

TVILGIATE TVILGIATE
13-15
1 Response Mar 12, 2009

How fortunate you were able to identify your personality preference of INFP at such a young age. I'm probably your grandparents age, and I was in my 40's before I discovered there were other people in the world like me. In junior high and high school I always felt like an outsider looking in. My parents were ESTJ's and told me I lived in a fantasy world. I always felt I was alone and no one could understand me. Being an INFP does not predict what one's political preference or viewpoint on life will be. Basically we are extraverting our intuitive natures and holding back on expressing our feelings, which we feel deeply. We can be caring and compassionate but not express that directly. Whether one is "conservative" or "liberal" is just an ex<x>pression of values. We make our decisions based on our values and how are actions will affect others. <br />
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We could poll 1000 INFP's and no two of us will have the same experiences. But I attended a workshop on Myers-Briggs, and am now a certified MBTI facilitator. What I recall about my first workshop was the fact there were 3 other INFP's in the workshop, and when we worked together, we understood each other so well. We didn't have to explain ourselves. <br />
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What I see for myself is, I need time and space to myself, I give up too much of myself to others, I care about helping others and I don't like to be pinned down. And ultimately I have a challenging time finishing what I start. I am interested in ideas and theories and how whatever I'm researching affects others.<br />
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Politically I see myself as a fiscal conservative and social moderate. There are many temperament factors that aren't shaped by certain factors of MBTI.<br />
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But I have found it helpful to look at how I need to lighte up and just enjoy the day with the horses and otehr far activities.<br />
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Anyway I am a true INFP and I view myself as a pragmatic idealist.<br />
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You will find your way.