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Wondering About Intj

I was never sure about being INTJ until very recently. There were times I wondered whether I was just a functional autistic or have a mild case of depression... and then I knew. Tests helped with their consistent results, and the explanations that followed fit me to a T. Finding this site is the revelation of my life so far. And it feels great knowing I am not alone...

The question that bugs me really is: do we share a common experience about growing up? How did we and do we relate with our mothers? How did we cope with peers?

As a person, I am very detached, somewhat aloof. I attributed that to having had a dysfunctional relationship with my mother, mostly. Peers were a special problem. I was too precocious and suffered from it...

Which brought me to suspect that being socially challenged meant I was somewhat autistic or depressed. How common is this?

natasia natasia 36-40 9 Responses May 30, 2008

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My mom used to beat me and i wad radsed moastly by nanny i am also an intj. I have allways been anti scocal. Infact i would go as far as to say i hate moast people. aspecally my mother...she had me tested for autistium the dr told her mahm you daughter is fine so she took me to another dr. They all said i was a fine normal heathy child. She made my life hell as a child and now i am a ******* marine but i hate it if you are an intj dont ever join the military yea boot camp is a breez but the fact that you have no choice to listen to stupid people and what they call ideas ******* sux but at least i escaped my crazy ******* mother.

Well, I'm 16 so I wouldn't say that my childhood is entirely over yet, but I doubt things will change much while I'm technically still a child.



I've always had a very good relationship with my mother, and I feel like she's the only one in my life who comes close to understanding me. Sometimes it feels like the only real difference is that she's lived longer, had different experiences, and learned more than I have. We think in pretty much the same way.



Peers are a very differnt story. If you go strictly by age, I have a lot of peers. If you go by intellectual equals of the same age group, then I've only found a handful. Even by the second definition, none of them really understand me. Sure, they see a certain part of my personality, and they can understand that, but they don't really know everything. They might *think* they understand, but they don't. I dont want them to. At times, I have felt lonely, but the desire to have the privacy to be my own person trumps that.

Reading these posts, I felt the desire to add my two cents in. I am an intj. Same as everyone else commenting here. (not a big surprise.) My father died when I was rather young, leaving my mother to raise my brother and me. I have always had a good working relationship with my mother. For some reason she just always understood me. Small things like providing me all the privacy that i desired, to making trips out of the way to the library for more books to fill my time. Other the years we have established a relationship where she feels free to tell me what is on her mind and she understands that i will listen and take what i want to from it. If it comes across as being sound advice i will follow up on it, otherwise straight out the other ear. My mother would probably classify as ESFP or ESFJ. She went out of her way to provide a warm and loving home. As a person I have always been a very private person. The simple fact that I am posting this at all is against my very nature. But seeing as I have had a slightly different childhood than most posting here. I would say that there is more to it than just the environment that you were raised in. Perhaps the genes play a role that has yet to be covered here.

Reading this post actually made me sign up. I too have this odd relationship with my mother. From as early as I can remember I've felt like she resented me, not sure why. I don't think I was that difficult, it's just always been there, this detachment. My oldest daughter is also an INTJ and I had often wondered if she had borderline aspergers. She's 14 now but when she was 7 or 8 she would cry if we ran out of books for her to read, loved sorting beads, hair ties, anything really, into groups, rows etc. I thought maybe it was from a vaccination but now I realise it's just the INTJ part of her. She's quite brilliant but anti-social with it. Gosh that does sound terrible, the choice between vaccine damaged and INTJ.

Reading this post actually made me sign up. I too have this odd relationship with my mother. From as early as I can remember I've felt like she resented me, not sure why. I don't think I was that difficult, it's just always been there, this detachment. My oldest daughter is also an INTJ and I had often wondered if she had borderline aspergers. She's 14 now but when she was 7 or 8 she would cry if we ran out of books for her to read, loved sorting beads, hair ties, anything really, into groups, rows etc. I thought maybe it was from a vaccination but now I realise it's just the INTJ part of her. She's quite brilliant but anti-social with it. Gosh that does sound terrible, the choice between vaccine damaged and INTJ.

Reading this post actually made me sign up. I too have this odd relationship with my mother. From as early as I can remember I've felt like she resented me, not sure why. I don't think I was that difficult, it's just always been there, this detachment. My oldest daughter is also an INTJ and I had often wondered if she had borderline aspergers. She's 14 now but when she was 7 or 8 she would cry if we ran out of books for her to read, loved sorting beads, hair ties, anything really, into groups, rows etc. I thought maybe it was from a vaccination but now I realise it's just the INTJ part of her. She's quite brilliant but anti-social with it. Gosh that does sound terrible, the choice between vaccine damaged and INTJ.

I also have a detached relationship with my mother and have thought that I may be borderline autistic. All I wanted to do when I was a kid was read. I still would rather read than almost anything in the world, that is why I spend much of my free time online, just reading stuff.

Well, I have to chime in here as well...my parents divorces when I was six and have not see my dad since...and he was the 'good parent' LOL My mom 'boarded me out' (I guess kinda like foster care, but not legally mandated) most of my childhood and when I finally did live with her on a regular basis, my stepfather rather didn't like me...can't say why, I was a shy kid who liked to read, climb trees and draw :)



However, it did make me very independent and self-reliant, guess because I was my only advocate. I made a conscious decision about the 8th grade not to be shy anymore (I remember this distinctly) and have thus become more 'sociable' but still mostly would rather be pretty much 'left alone'...I still read and draw, but not so much of a tree climber any more :) I am content with myself, would rather work on a project alone than in a group...all those suggestions just annoy me as I usually know what direction I want the project to take and how to get it there...I think this is a pretty common INTJ trait.



Does this help? It does seem that we all have come from some kind of dysfunctional childhood, maybe this is what has made us so independent of needing constant 'human' contact...

That's an interesting question, Scully. I guess I can't say whether I am either detached on purpose or it comes naturally to me. Sometimes I know that this disposition works for me because I get more stuff done. So it's possible that it's purposive. On the other hand, long before I knew that it works, I had preferred being on my own for some periods as a child - reading comic books, climbing trees, drawing. But I guess what's interesting for me to know is whether being introverted has to do with the parenting we got. In your case, for instance, absentee parents (meaning also physically or emotionally absent) may have had a conditioning effect about what to expect from people. My case, that of having emotionally unavailable parents, is strong on how the lack of physical touch and soothing presence of adults may have predisposed me to not expect that from other people or even give that even. After all, what I do not have I cannot give...