Being An Intp Teenaged Girl: An Analysis
I dont feel lonely as it seems a lot fo other INTP's do, I'm actually lucky enough to be surrounded by a lot of others friends who are INTP's or similar types. But If I look out a the big picture of the context of my life, I realize how exclusively small INTP's are compared to the rest of the world and that makes me feel lonely. I think I read it was 3-5% of the American population I think... Anyway, I observe how people in my school act and sometimes I'm jealous because I feel it would be nice sometimes to exist on a more superficial and carefree level. I think very long term and pretty deeply, and when you think hard enough about anything it always leads to some grimm or depressing conclusion about life. It was Emerson who said Nature is no sentimentalist anyway. A shallow existence would surely help me relieve the huge stress that life brings. But you know what, most of the time I pity those who choose not think as deeply as I do. I know that probably sounds pretty arrogant, but I dont mean it to be. I think everyone has the ability to exercise their intelligence, most people just choose not to because it doesn't interest them. Nothing I can do to change that. In general though, I am a pretty happy person. I have a close group of friends, but when it comes to intimate relationships thats where the problem begins. Intimacy makes me uncomfortable, but at the same time its something I desire. I think I fear it because its something I don't have control over. I want it not because I consciously want it, I want it because its an primordial instinct that is far above anything I could hope to contain. So if I am willing to finally give into it, there must be a deep emotional connection as well. Emotion is something I can control. So if I do give into my physical instinct, it must be supportive through the comfort of emotional tranquility as well. In simpler words, this makes me VERY PICKY. Some of my extraverted friends are the types of people that go through 10 different relationships in a week. (Ok maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit but you ge the point). I can't do that, I am looking for the one right person. Putting myself in an incredibly vulnerable position of letting down my emotional and physical guards leaves me in a position where I can easily be hurt, and that will stay with me for a long time. But interestingly, I've realized that I'm attracted to extroverted type personalities. I think that is because they bring out emotional connection that I am looking for. The problem with other INTP's and INTJ's is that they are too dry. They make awesome friends and I love the deep conversations I can explore with them, but because us INT's guard our emotions so heavily its very difficult to form that deep emotional attachment that I need, i just cant connect on a deeper level. (Ok I'll admit INTJ's get on my nerves quite a bit sometimes when they act like ******** and won't budge at all into at least looking at a situation from a different angle). E types help to bring me out of my quite and reserved shell, which can be both invigorating and exhausting. So I am looking for an E type that I can emotionally connect to (thats not too hard). But they also need to have depth to them and they need to be patient enough to deal with my own reservedness. Finding someone like that seem virtually impossible. What do you guys think about all this?