My Complicated Life ...

HI, I am 22 years old, a medical student, study in India (as a foreigner)
First I would like to say thank you for reading my story and sorry if my English is not so good.
I am an introvert, shy, non-productive, dull-looking, not able to express feelings and lonely. I have this one friend, I always wannabe his friend. I always happy when he is around even though I rarely converse with him. I like him because he seems to be different from my other friend. I am not really sure but I think he really care about me by the way he is.
But every time i have a chance to talk to him I loss the ability to talk, I become so quiet. I always try to talk, to fight it but the walls seem to be too thick to break and my hammer is too small. I always ruined my chance to converse with him. As a result I had bad mood and i hate myself more.
Everything was wrong with me. Wrong course to take, 5 years of medical life with tons of book to read, meeting patients and new people, try to be friendly with them even though I can't do that, pretending to smile in front of peoples. Argghh medical school sucks. I think i am really ugly, i have scar on my face, got curly hair and worse of all being a short and chubby person. With all the qualities that i have i have all the reasons why i should hate myself and why i should not mingle with other people.
What i hate more about myself is "coincidence". I always had a chance to talk to him but i always ruin it. That hurts me more. I wonder why I was borne, why I know him, why he has to be so nice to me, why everything is so wrong with me? After all if i am introvert why i feel lonely when i am alone. Why i feel that i need friend in my life and why i feel hurt when i cannot become a friend of him. Why can't I be a friend with somebody even though i can't talk to him.
ikkomakomarozua ikkomakomarozua
22-25, M
1 Response Jul 24, 2010

Maybe you should write him a short letter starting with "I am an introvert and I find it hard to start communicating with you but I would like for us to be friends."<br />
If he is understanding he will try to coax you out of your shell.<br />
<br />
Welcome to EP....... smiles<br />
<br />
Love, Light and Blessings,<br />
<br />
Elf