Maybe I Blew It...?

I was browsing through some personal ads, and I came across a really good one. We had things in common that are really important to me - she was a radical womyn, a feminst, and a lesbian. She simply wanted someone to hang out with. I even sent her an email letting her know how awesome she seemed, and wishing her luck...but when she responded and asked me if I wanted to hang out, I spent some time thinking it over, and I just couldn't do it. I wrote to her that I was "sour on meeting new people these days." That was the truth. I've tried meeting new people before, and it's always so bizarre and unfulfilling, that I've nearly given up and decided that it isn't worth it. I just wasn't willing to expend the energy to meet this new person, even though we had a lot in common, and it's not so common to run across people who are into the same things I'm into. 

Part of me regrets what I did, because I don't know what I could be missing. I think the bigger part of me is relieved, though. I have a penpal I've never met coming to visit in a few weeks, and I want to save my energy for that. I'd only really like to have one more person in my life (a girlfriend), so I didn't want to waste my time trying to make a new friend. This way, I won't have to worry about wearing myself out by trying to keep up with a bunch of people. I think I did what's best for me at this time in my life.  
darkchild darkchild
36-40, F
3 Responses Jul 31, 2010

Please work on your reading comprehension, Michelle. Goddess, I am so tired of comments from people who don't understand introversion, barely read what we post, and yet think they can offer worthwhile advice. I decided not to attempt to make friends because I DO NOT WANT ANY (other than a girlfriend, who will also be a friend). Understand? It was not a choice made out of fear and/or ignorance. It's not a matter of a heart that isn't "open," it's a matter of energy preservation and personal interest (maybe I should have typed about how people bore me so often). Maybe you should try to extend your comfort zone and remain completely alone for a while? See, you're not the only person who can make random suggestions without understanding another person's personality type.<br />
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This crap is exactly why I think twice before posting any experiences on this site. <br />
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By the way, only cowards need someone who will not judge them. I like it when people tell me whether or not I'm full of ****; it makes me a better person. So way to go assuming what qualities I need or like in another person.

I know it seems to be easier to live life with as few people as possible but what is better than a friend ??<br />
A true friend, someone you can go to with anything and you know you will not be judged !! People are worth knowing because they are what makes the world go around !! I hope you are able to open up your heart to knowing different people and try to extend your comfort zone, some of us may surprise you !!!!!

I know how you feel. I always seem to get nervous about love & being in a relationship.