But My Husband Still Doesn't Get It

Im am finally at such a great point iny life with who I am, my husband however still sees my "introversion" as a flaw. He is constantly telling me that I need to get out with friends and do more because he does those things. I have tried many times to explain to him who I am and what I prefer to do with my time. I don't know if he thinks I'm to shy or insecure to get out and do things or he just has no respect for my desire to spend time alone. Either way I know he sees my personality "type" as a flaw as many do and as many introverts have mentioned, I'm just so tierd of defending the fact that I enjoy thinking, reflecting and I happen to love my own company.
Spyritt Spyritt
41-45, F
4 Responses May 4, 2012

My husband and I are polar opposites here as well. He loves to be with people all the time, the more the merrier kind of guy. Anytime we go out anywhere his first thought is "how many people can I possibly invite." I am completely introverted, love to be alone, and the longer I'm subjected to socializing the more I shut down. He definitely didn't get it at first, until one day when I burst into tears because we were going to dinner together and he promptly invited his whole family without telling me. It had been a really long day for me lol. But I finally made a bit of headway that day by asking him to imagine how he would feel if he was forced to stay home alone all day (very draining for an extrovert) and I said that's exactly how I feel when I've been around people too long. He makes an effort to include me in social decisions now :) maybe this strategy would work for you too.
Don't ever let anyone make you think introversion is a flaw btw. It's not.

I would agree that it can ruin a relationship. I know of an experience where a woman did not have alot (any?) close friends but instead chose to mainly use the Internet for companionship. Suffice it to say the marriage did not survive... it does not sound like you are doing the same thing though...

One thing I am grateful for is the fact that most of my friends get my introversion now. Romantic pursuits, another story. Some people just don't get the fact that I'd rather read a book than talk to ANYONE sometimes. Nothing personal. But in a world of extroverts what can you expect?

I understand how frustrating it can be when others in your life cannot accept you in your entirety. I feel like I shouldn't have to defend myself to people like that and either just eliminate them from my life or tell them that they are the ones with the problem, if they are so bothered by my introversion. Maybe that should be your next approach: Don't answer to him, make him answer you: "I'm perfectly comfortable being this way, so what's your problem?" But I'm also rather blunt, and considering that he is your husband, you cannot just "eliminate" him (ha!). But this problem isn't going away anytime soon, and it can ruin a relationship if not settled. It's great that you are comfortable with who you are. That is definitely most important.