The Confused Introvert (me)I have done tests (many) and i know exactly that i am an introvert. But sometimes i have mood swings.. i can be quite "extrovert" and i started to think that i can be acting out just to fit in around. When i'm alone i am comfortable. Internally i presume my self as a person who does not give a damn. But funny how on the outside people see that i am very self-conscious. It's like i have different personalities around different people, scenario, environments etc etc...
Before my story gets any uninteresting, i'm just gonna say it. I'm 20 years old, woman and i feel like I DON'T FIT IN. yeah..
I am an introvert but i am not sure why do i have to act like i'm not. I didn't realize that i did until eventually i reexamine my actions (usually at the bus cause i have to go to college that is an hour long distance) and i couldn't believe that i was this out-going lady who has friends that i don't really put my effort in to get to know them any better.. sometimes i even lied and acted that i'm having a good time. when in fact no i wasn't.
This thoughts triggers when i met my former classmates and we looked like we were having a good time and she asked me out (hang out not a date) and i said yes. But the second when i said yes my head says 'No you idiot, you don't do go hang out when you get back home' (i don't like going out again, when i am home cause for me when i reached home it's my comfort zone, it's my territory. I don't have to act out.. i'm just....... ME).
And again, today noon i have my degree enrollment which i have to choose one course between business finance, marketing, HR, and one other i forgot... i was totally stupid to pick marketing. And i regretted that, i'm not sure what i was thinking.. i thought i did well in marketing on my Diploma, so no biggie. But again i'm not the Loud girl who voices up her creativity. I'm more of a observant that's why i love psychology, cause i got to do listen more than talking. I love reading conversation in the books than the real ones.
So what the hell?? i just have a complete vision of my future degree days.. boring classes, classmates, and laziness procrastination.. what thell am i doing? really? i'm confused.. and shamed cause i'm 20 and i don't know what to do.