The Confused Introvert (me)

I have done tests (many) and i know exactly that i am an introvert. But sometimes i have mood swings.. i can be quite "extrovert" and i started to think that i can be acting out just to fit in around. When i'm alone i am comfortable. Internally i presume my self as a person who does not give a damn. But funny how on the outside people see that i am very self-conscious. It's like i have different personalities around different people, scenario, environments etc etc...

Before my story gets any uninteresting, i'm just gonna say it. I'm 20 years old, woman and i feel like I DON'T FIT IN. yeah..

I am an introvert but i am not sure why do i have to act like i'm not. I didn't realize that i did until eventually i reexamine my actions (usually at the bus cause i have to go to college that is an hour long distance) and i couldn't believe that i was this out-going lady who has friends that i don't really put my effort in to get to know them any better.. sometimes i even lied and acted that i'm having a good time. when in fact no i wasn't.

This thoughts triggers when i met my former classmates and we looked like we were having a good time and she asked me out (hang out not a date) and i said yes. But the second when i said yes my head says 'No you idiot, you don't do go hang out when you get back home' (i don't like going out again, when i am home cause for me when i reached home it's my comfort zone, it's my territory. I don't have to act out.. i'm just....... ME).

And again, today noon i have my degree enrollment which i have to choose one course between business finance, marketing, HR, and one other i forgot... i was totally stupid to pick marketing. And i regretted that, i'm not sure what i was thinking.. i thought i did well in marketing on my Diploma, so no biggie. But again i'm not the Loud girl who voices up her creativity. I'm more of a observant that's why i love psychology, cause i got to do listen more than talking. I love reading conversation in the books than the real ones.

So what the hell?? i just have a complete vision of my future degree days.. boring classes, classmates, and laziness procrastination.. what thell am i doing? really? i'm confused.. and shamed cause i'm 20 and i don't know what to do.
Zivana Zivana
18-21, F
2 Responses Jun 14, 2012

I don't think you should really classify yourself as Just an introvert, a lot of introverts have extrovert traits. Being an introvert doesn't mean you have to be anti social. All it really means is that you work better alone thats when you are energized, extroverts are energized when interacting. We all need time alone and we all need human interaction, just at different levels. So while a lot of introverts are pretty laid back and not very social, doesn't mean you have to be. I just read an article on introvertzone about how to get a job as a marketing professional as an introvert. Its on the main page. Check it out. I don't think i can put the URL here.

Thanks.. i'm not sure, i'm amazed by psychology but i don't think i am capable of 'treating' people, i can't even treat myself. But really thanks for sharing, you make me considering the possibilities.

Thanks i didn't knew much about the studies. By the way i want to ask you about college life though, about being sociable most of the time for the sake of success in studies.. my programme includes projects hence, working with classmates. I do believe that trust is important between project mates.. do you have any suggestions for that? i don't want to be seen as anti-social for not doing the chit chat. i believe connection is important too.

hahaha.. i actually already been 'faking' most of the time. It doesn't harm anybody except that i'm being confused sometime. Can i say that most introverts are really great at acting?! joke.