Content to Be
I recently read an article that compared the general traits of Extroverts and Introverts.
While never fond of labelling, I found myself falling squarely into the Introvert category, so much so that what I thought were outgoing and 'extroverted' traits, were just behaviours that I have nurtured over the years in order to tolerate social situations that Extroverts find so easy to participate in.
While I can attend a party, I feel anxious beforehand and planning only a short visit makes me feel much better! (Knowing I can leave whenever I want is much safer than having people over to my house and waiting for THEM to leave!) I am aware how offensive this could be - it is not to be taken personally! I have a hard time coming up with things to say casually, things meant to be superficial, 'small talk', for the sake of having a good time with a lot of people who you don't know very well.
One on one is more manageable. If I'm given the luxury of time, I can develop deeper relationships. I also have to be forced into a one on one relationship initially in order to have the opportunity to do so. Otherwise, I would never meet anyone I don't think! That is why I can teach piano comfortably, that is why I was able to be an exotic dancer comfortably (although the stage performances may be translated as being extroverted behaviour, I tolerated them because they were only 10 minutes long, and when the bar was full it was more exhilirating after my performances because I was just thrilled that I managed to pull it off!) It always felt better to disappear into a booth with a familiar customer!
It's also why I was dreading becoming employed this summer. I have now managed to function in a very busy, very populated (both employees and customers) Tim Horton's coffee shop for a little over a month now. Going ok, but I feel twice as exhausted after my shifts as an extrovert would feel. I am sad that my home time to write quietly has dwindled to nothing. Today I start at 10 - a little unusual but welcomed! So here I am, content after a coffee and an hour of peace and quiet. Even had a nice thunderstorm first thing this morning.....
I know myself much better as an Introvert now and I know why I've acted the way I do when I'm in social situations.