Sparkling Fruit Juice

I totally get this. It gets pretty annoying when people ask me "what's wrong" because I've been amiable up to a certain point just so people don't ask me that. I can't do it anymore and it's fantastically easier to be alone. Shallow conversation aggravates me (although I know it's necessary for communicating with people uncomfortable with speaking right from their hearts) so it's just overall grating to get out of the house. I can be extremely blunt and it gets some laughs but when I say exactly how I feel to someone who isn't ready for my opinion (they're too comfortable in their own reality) it gets messy. People take it personally as if I'm trying to question their intelligence. Or I don't care what they're saying and I just get fed up with listening to what they have to say. I listen anyway, though, because I know others need to dump their junk on others to understand their problems and selves. I mean, I get it.

We've been raised to be polite and attentive, among other things, and consequently we feel the need to oblige others all the time. And to hang out all the time. Honestly, this is going to sound ridiculous but I try to remember what it is to be human (pack-animal, mutualism, reproduction) in a lot of scenarios to better understand why people do what they do around me. I feel among others but not a part of them. It's like I'm an ant that knows it's an ant and just sits around saying "what's the point?". It's painful for me to admit this to myself, but it's where I'm at.

I spent a bit of time on ego-death and achieving "the mind that knows itself" and now I just can't stop seeing myself objectively. I can function well with others now but it's just hard to have opinions outside of my desired equilibrium for the world and the people around me. I often find myself trying to keep everyone together and avoiding disasters because nothing else seems to matter to a person who has rejected their idea of "self".

Anyway, I'm glad you're out there. From one introvert to another, it's nice to not be alone.