First Blog...ever

So this is my first blog/ story ever. It's 3:37 am in New York and I have work in a little over 5 hours.
Unfortunately for me, I cannot fall asleep.

As I lay in this bed trying to get at least a few hours rest, I begin reflecting on my life. I then begin to realize that my "life" sucks. My Facebook will tell u I have close to 1,000 friends but in reality I have none. I recently purchased a phone and had no issue taking the minimum plan of 450 mins bc I don't receive or make much phone calls. Only call I would receive is that of my girlfriend...the same girlfriend I told two days ago that I needed a break.

You see people, I am what you call an introvert. Add to the fact that I suffer from social anxiety that freezes up my facial expressions that leave me looking pissed off or depressed. These ingredients create the supreme anti socialite.

Sad part is I'm an attractive guy. Muscular build and decent height. But who is going to talk to a angry looking BLACK guy. No one.

I have been stressed and depressed for a while. It's finally Yo imma be at the barber shop so meet me there to take its toll on my hair follicles.

I need hope. My girlfriend loves me so much, but now she's thinking about marriage. The thought of my emotionless face staring at a crowd full of her family members and friends ( bc I have so few) is terrorizing.

I don't understand why she stays...

I just wish I can be the man I envision. Introversion as a man ( black man at that) is seen as a sign of femininity. Anti socialism can't be justified where I'm from. You just become a weirdo that everyone avoids. So this is the beginning of my journey to change for the better.
BLaqThought BLaqThought
22-25, M
2 Responses Nov 26, 2012

Changing because you feel it's expected of you to be like everyone else sucks. It sounds like you want to be around people but your social anxiety gets in the way of it.

I understand. I've been dealing with social anxiety for years, and I have similar problems with the pissed-off-look (it runs in the family). Have you tried CBT with a counselor? It's helped me loads over the past few years.

Trying CBT ON a counselor would be hilarious. If that does not break you out of your shell then nothing OH wait a minute, I misread the title. It's first BLOG ever not first FLOG. Er... sorry!