So Tired of It,.....

I'm am so tired of being accused of being unfriendly, anti-social, mean, rude, and all the other pitiful epithets that crazed extroverts choose to apply to my personality type!!!

I am NOT shy, I can strike up a convo with a perfect stranger. I'll only do so if I am intrigued by the person. Most people are not worth the effort.

When people think I am ignoring them, I am simply thinking! They should try it sometime. Contrary to popular belief, I have extemely high self-esteem. I just don't need people fawning around me 24/7 to feel good about myself!

Extroverts need to get over themselves and realize that introvert is a perfectly valid personality TYPE, not a FLAW!!!

complicated complicated
36-40, F
40 Responses Aug 12, 2007

Dear So Tired of It....Exactly! They try to convince us there is something wrong with us.

Has anyone else noticed how some extroverts who are constantly talking and socialising never seem to notice anything around them except their friends? It's as if everyone else around them is invisible. These extroverts are the ones that belong to very close knit friends circles. Put them in a room with someone outside their circle or with an introvert, and bam! They can't talk much. This just shows that these people actually have no social skills. They can only interact with their own kind. Since they don't observe much, don't spend enough time alone, they don't think much. They seem like braindead robots, doing what their peers are doing. They lack depth and as a result, never have any original ideas. The next time someone tries to make you feel bad about being an introvert, make them interact with someone whom they don't know well, someone from outside their comfort zone and watch them struggle. Ask them what's holding them back if they are better than us introverts, with good social skills?

Life is so unfair for us introverts. It's these unoriginal thinkers and robots who have to trouble getting a job and surviving at the workplace. It's us who have to struggle.

For 23 years I've been thinking that something's wrong with me, coz everyone around me made me feel that way, as I'm an introvert. It's only now that I'm starting to learn to accept myself. Growing up, i had no idea that being an introvert is ok. If i was allowed to socialise and had learned to socialise with my peers, i wouldn't have to be so socially awkward. I would have just been an introvert who still has no difficulty communicating with people. I just can't make small talk.

I am also extremely introverted, but I have noticed a lot of people saying things like "I can't stand extroverts" and the like, but u do need to remember, this post is all about the fact that you are tired of people judging introverts, so you shouldn't be putting such a label on extroverts either..a bit hypocritical. Introvert extrovert is a very black and white type label, there are lots of levels of both. Just keep in mind no one is perfect, an extremely introverted person such as myself often comes away from a social event beating myself up because I failed at opening my mouth and joining in. Really I can't beat myself up too much cuz its not always in my control, but it's hard not to! But while that is happening to you, a perfectly good hearted person might come away from the same social event beating themselves up about not being able to hold their tongue. It's a similar situation for both, my husband is an extrovert, and there has been times after what seemed like an enjoyable social evening for him, he breaks down in self dislike because he felt like he said things that were unneeded and embarrassing and awkward, and I have had to console him. Just something to think about, we all make mistakes, if someone says something to you that offends you, they probably don't mean it or realize it till later. :) hopefully u can find this more of a constructive criticism and not trying to be rude

I so agree with you. I just hate when people judge me n say I'm rude or anti social when in reality I'm a very nice and caring person. I only ignore those (extroverts) who feel like they are better than other people or the ones who talk so much and never leave u alone. It's so draining to be around so much negativity, which most extroverts give off.

"Most people are not worth the effort."
That's the truth, right there.

YES I agree --it is only another 'tag' ,the word 'introvert' , just like all the others made up by people. Most 'extroverts' are too loudmouthed and gossipy to notice real facts.

I'm trying to find myself. How do you know your an introvert? Were you an introvert all your life. Please don't feel as if I'm making fun because I'm not.

It's quite simple keeva, if you're an introvert you generally function better in a quiet, relaxed environment, where there are little or no people around to drain attention from your inner world. I always knew about the existence of the word "introvert" however like for the majority of people this was a bad word for me, associated to something bad or unpleasant. Only in the last year have I discovered that it is a valid trait of human personality, thanks to people who have opened my eyes and set me free.

I wasn't trying to be sarcastic. I just found out I was an introvert during this past year. I guess I wonder when it all began. Everyone saw it but me. Of coarse my definition of introvert was much different than I thought it was. I too thought it was something real negative. I think I have accepted that I'm an introvert. Just a few questions. Did someone have to tell you that you were an introvert. Can one learn to be an extrovert or is it something genetic inside, and that's going to be the way it's going to be. I don't find an introvert as being bad anymore. I guess to me it's still somewhat of a mystery

Hi Keeva,

It's impossible to change your personality type. What you can do is surround yourself with people who truly care about you. As an introvert, you'll learn who your real friends are. Feel lucky that you are an introvert. That way, you get to observe the things other people miss out. Even if you have just one friend who truly accepts you, it's fine. In any case we introverts like it that way. We can't mingle in groups but we are fine when we have to interact with someone one to one, as long as they accept us and give us good vibes.
So don't bother trying to change yourself. If others who don't understand you tell you to talk more, tell them to stop talking instead. That's what I have learned, to turn the tables on people who try to make me feel uncomfortable and guilty for being me. Don't let anyone do that to you. It's them who are wrong and they need to get more educated about different human personality types.
Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

I work in a field that is about 95% female and they talk ALL DAY LONG! I have gotten to where I just tune them out most of the time because I get so stressed from the constant socializing. <br />
I have been told I am shy, anti-social, too quiet, a snob, elitist, cold, and rude. <br />
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Of course, i can't tell them I find them noisy,rude, overbearing, loud, and obnoxious. Besides that, I usually have no desire to join their conversation. They seem more interested in chit-chatting and joking around than getting to the actual meat of the topic. <br />
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If I engage in a discussion with someone it is about topics I am passionate about and I want to have a real conversation, complete with meaningful ideas and even conflicting opinions. I back up my opinions with research and fact and I think through what I say very carefully. I hate when I talk to someone and they spout out half-baked ideas with no support or sources.<br />
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well, obviously, this is one of the areas I am passionate about. :D That said, I am married to a wonderful, introverted man who completely understands when I say, "I need some alone time." Has made my life so much better!

you sound like an INTJ, are you?

Yes, I am. Very well spotted!

Same's the case with me ! My family accuses me of being selfish and disrespectful, while others perceive me to be either rude, shy or withdrawn, when I'm basically a nice person. Don't listen to others; this is who you are and no one has the right to pass judgements over you and your personality. Just ignore those people who criticize you, and sooner or later they'll get the message.

Well, I am an introvert myself and keep hearing some of the comments you have mentioned in your post. I tell them that I am in peace with myself and have no problems accepting who I am.

I empathize with all of this. Is it wrong to just be a little on the outskirts of what's going on? I honestly think it's a safe, enriching distance. I need to balance out my ob<x>jective and subjective thinking and I just can't be talking and bouncing around all the time in an amiable daze. Things need to be observed and understood in more dimensions than wistful flouncing about allows.<br />
And really, do we need to be grinning at each other all the time? Do we need to agree to get along? Can't I just spend a day not smiling without freaking everyone out? You would think that we were born smiling with all of the people who think it's natural to appease others with bright emotional energy all the time. We're human- that kind of thing gets exhausting. Certain thoughts don't make you smile. That's fine. Some of us spend more time with thoughts that don't leave us smiling. Even more fine. Those "Live, Laugh, Love" people need to get of our backs.

Hey im on your side, i cant stand extroverts.

excellent post . . . thank you . . from one introvert to another . . . 8D . . .

Some of my best friends are extroverts. I have a hard time handling the silence when i am with another introvert. When I'm in a group of extroverts I shut down.

I am also sicked of being repetitively attacked of being quiet. I don't mind if they say it once. But not once, they will say it again and again that I am too quiet.Sorry that I am not a social butterfly Those people never heard of Albert Eistein's definition of insanity. I noticed most stuff they talk about are superficial. They're good at making noise but do they ever think about questions like meaning of life, why things work the way they do,how to gain financial independance. I want to talk about these kind of stuff but I don't think they'll be interested. No, all they do most time of during conversation is jumping from silly joke to another silly joke. <br />
They don't understand it is the diversity in personality that constructed the socieity as it is. Wouldn't it be borig if everyone look the same and act the same?Without different personality like introvert, we'll be without many great artists, scientists, mathematicians, engineers etc. We'll still be all living in primitive socieity making jokes every day.

I agree and have become quite an introvert activist in informing people of the differences. However, I don't think we should bash extroverts like they bash us. It is their personality. They cant help themselves the same way we can't help who we are. In this world, I think it is important that both sides learn and respect each other. Kids should be educated in the differences, and physiology differences and how each group benefits. I think the biggest issue is a lack of knowing real differences exist.

Ok I'm new to the whole online communication so bear with me (I never understood the point). First thing is first what is a extrovert. Please really need a response now.

Right on!!

Kudos to you, complicated... we do not need to be fixed or cured. It took me 40 years to realize that. The problem was not that I didn't want to go clubbing, hanging in a bar, socializing, or "partying", but that I had so-called friends that did not empathize with my point of view. I've come to see that it was not willful on their part; they really could not fathom it. I am happy to say that it got better. I'm much more selective of who I let in, and I have extrovert friends who also have respect for who I am.....they accept who I am and don't try to change me. Do not accept less. Those who don't accept who you are are only missing out.

I do agree that not all extroverts will be judemental, and introverts have their judgements as well.. but argue on the introverted side that judgements can be a result of negative feedback from the majority of the population...not some simple misunderstanding. After all, introverts are generally the ones listening. The whole world can be judgmental.. but being the minority, especially in a country where extraversion is highly valued can feel like a huge handicap. <br />
However, Stay strong. There are parts of the world... even small parts of the US (if you are from extraUSA) where introverts are in the majority. It's simply a personality type. Not some "wrong" way of life. Just another way of life i.e. Capitalism or Socialism, Muslim or Christian and anything else that makes us beautifully diverse. I personally wouldn't give a second thought to the opinion of extraverts set in their ways...extraverts can't seem to change the need to express their opinion as much as introverts can't seem to change being any less exhausted surrounded by large, loud circles of people. Just because an opinion is popular doesn't make it "right". I'd argue that most popular opinions should be viewed with skepticism...because it feels like living life on autopilot with a sc<x>ript someone else wrote. <br />
No need to feel out of place--Stay strong! You are not alone. Keep reading/coding/whatever your passion and power-up. Maybe google a list of famous introverts. It's possible, no, empowering.. to take on the world being exactly who you are, playing on your strengths :)

AMEN. I'm comtemplating leaving the job I've had for the past 8 years, in part because my employees misunderstand me in the same ways and like misslovelyy, my self-esteem is way low. 30 years of this has taken its toll.

AMEN. I'm comtemplating leaving the job I've had for the past 8 years, in part because my employees misunderstand me in the same ways and like misslovelyy, my self-esteem is way low. 30 years of this has taken its toll.

And here's the rub. Your self esteem gets lowered by all the BS, and that makes it so much easier for the clingy extroverts to argue that introversion is problematic. But it really only is because they make it so.

hahaha I loved this fiery story!!<br />
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I completely agree, my only question to you is how did you manage to keep your high self esteem as I do not have any :( it's hard for me to distinguish between shyness and introversion now, what do you do for a job if you don't mind me asking and do you still go out alot?

I hate it when you get the "Why don't you ever talk?" or the "You shouldn't keep your feelings bottled up." I don't talk because I don't need to and I'm not keeping my feelings bottled up I just don't have to share them with the world to make myself feel better. Nice topic though. It does feel good to know there are others. <br />
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If there was an Introverts Anonymous, would anyone show up to the meetings?

yep there are some good people,I will tell them truth cause they understand and talk truth too.Im sick of talking truth to bullshiters and liers.Im honest to myself.I am who I am and thats a good thing.

Im an introvert,but im also very sensitive to being talked about.i culd be both,i do enjoy being an introvert and I dont want to be judged,so i do isolate and stay away from people.i think they are nosey.thats my thinking.

here here!

Thanks complicated. I get tired of this too. My true and closest friends are introverts and they understand. I've struggled to remain friends with extroverts because they think I'm rude or stuck up when I am "not able" to attend another function they're having or because I'm quiet in a large group. It gets old.......

Well put. :)

*Applauds*..Very well stated! *Smile*

Hey, it's not just introverts being judged. I'm kind of in the middle - with a slight leaning towards extroversion and feel extremely judged by some who are more introverted and reserved. Just like I'm pretty sure not every extrovert judges you, not every introvert judges me. In fact, there are some pretty nice introverts that I love hanging with and visa versa. People are just people and some are nicer than others.

@ lagatta, those are words spokin by a true extrovert

Me too. I hate people trying to fix me.

to rganesan- introverts do not need to be "Cured". We are the way we are. Why do others always think we need to change to suit their needs. Maybe we like being this way. I am tired of people always trying to change me and telling me the way I am is "wrong" . Everyone is different. We do not have to "fix" ourselves. We're just different and unique. I laugh because introverts don't try to change extroverts so why do extroverts feel the need to change us. It makes no sense. Why can't they just accept us the way we are?<br />
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You are so right. When quiet people say things they can tend to be more meaningful too.

I agree with all of you; extroverts drive me crazy! It's like they can't help but say every little thing that pops into their head, no matter how stupid or irrelevant it is! I live with two of them, and it's constant chatter... my sister even talks to herself she's so desperate for an audience! All of my friends are extroverts as well, and are always pestering me to go with them to every concert, school dance, or local party that happens to be going on! Lately it's been Prom, and it's driving me crazy! They don't seem to understand that things like that not only don't interest me, they exhaust me; I can't handle them and end up asleep in a chair by nine o'clock! I have the same trouble at my school debate team meets after school. I love them and wouldn't miss them for the world, but every day when I walk home at five, it feels like I've been bombarded with bomb shells, and it takes everything I have just to make it home! I wish extroverts would learn to understand us more; we are just as necessary to the human race as they are, perhaps more so because we keep the balance. Perhaps one day the introvert will inherit the earth, but for now, well....

There are introverted feelers, they get along with extraverted feelers! Introverted feelers look inwards emotionally, whereas introverted thinkers look in logically. Introverted thinkers are rarer than introverter emotionals.<br />
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Don't worry if you're an introverted thinker, you're a rare breed and should be happy that you're one in a million :)

yae yea yea...yep the intro does think,,,but thats it realy

Extraverts, who have a feeling mindset rarely understand introverts. <br />
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Then again, almost any feeling person will not understanding an introvert thinking person because an introverted thinker does not dsplay emotions with their interactions as much as THOUGHTS. <br />
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There extraversion is only one of many different traits that make up the average populace, you have to take in mind the other personality traits such as intuition, sensory, perception, judging, etc. <br />
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I do however agree with you somewhat... I grow weary of most extraverted people because their misunderstanding of people along our lines manifests itself as negative actions towards us.

TRUE DAT!<br />
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The 'extroversion nazis' are always trying to turn us into's arrogant!