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Introvert Who Wants Out

I stumbled upon a web page about introverts and realised I had many of the symptoms. I tend to think more than say or do and spend a lot of time in the background. I have been described as an outsider looking in, and also as someone who is reserved and laid back. I have been called intelligent and studious.

I have noticed people here reveling in their introversion. I for one cannot stand it. I cannot stand knowing I have this problem yet am virtually helpless. There is no one in my life, not even family, that I can reveal my concerns to. I do not want to expose myself ever, hence me only being able to write this passage under a veil of anonymity.

Being an introvert has created and exasperated many profound problems I have. I am a social leper. At the age of twenty-five, I am no better in conversation than I was at eighteen. If anything, I am worse due to being more apathetic about life.

At the age of twenty-five, I have not known a woman intimately, in sexuality, love nor friendship. It is not even the fear of rejection that is to blame. I just simply do not know how to act, and either end up embarrasing myself or leaving behind no impression I was ever there. I've never had anyone or anything to teach me, save a pitiful thirty minute sex ed video that the teachers were desperate to usher by.

The constant reminder of my failings and how I compare to my peers clings to me like a bad smell. In honesty, the only constant link I have with men is the sport of Football, or Soccer, as it is known in the States. I could talk to a like mind on the subject for a pretty long time. To any who are not aware of this, it is the common thing that links all guys in the United Kingdom, followed by cars, beer and women. Of those three latter subjects, I'm not much of a car man, I've already relayed my flaws with the fairer sex, and while I like alcohol, I couldn't talk for long about it.

I am a ghost, slowly driven further inside myself. I have not loved, nor have been loved (save the perfunctory, dutiful brand of love given by parents or siblings). I know I have much love to give, if I were just given that chance that has been all my life beyond me.

Being an introvert, I of course allow things to slip through my fingers. I suffer in silence instead of letting people in on my concerns. In seven years, I have had seven jobs, yet have not nailed myself down to any one career. I have allowed myself to just slip out of jobs because I did not reveal my feelings or reasons for the things I did. I was not willing to defend myself. At the age of twenty five, I am still living with my parents and only watch with jealousy as people younger than myself forge careers, homes and families. When will my life begin?

I have no past, a wasted life with only half-feelings and half-experiences to show for it. What's worse is I am a man. I am supposed to move towards the future with purposeful strides. Yet I feel like a twenty five year-old boy. My greatest wish (and one that drives me nuts with its impossibilities) is that I could go back in time with what I now know and start again. Maybe then would an opportunity present itself to me. I have made mistakes in my youth at school and in college, and have been punished for them in the coldest way.

So if I were offered to chance to be dumber, more outgoing and extroverted, I would take it. Sorry, but that's just the way it is for me.

RJyoco RJyoco 21-25, M 31 Responses Aug 28, 2007

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I know where you're coming from, but I think you're confusing/conflating two things. It sounds like you're, like me, an introvert with social anxiety, and it's the latter that's the problem. I think it's easier for introverts to fall into social anxiety, partly due to less practice socialising and partly due to the way we DO socialise being rather disparaged by society.

Maybe if you'd been an extrovert you wouldn't have developed the problems you've got. But as you acknowledged yourself, wishing you were an extrovert isn't going to fix them. If you're looking for ways to make yourself better, focus on dealing with social anxiety.

Speaking of "I wish I was different", I've always been under the impression that my life would be easier if I gave a flying **** about football -- such a simple icebreaker to get chatting to people in the pub. Judging from your story, I guess not... (I shouldn't be surprised, "breaking the ice" never leads to anything deeper with me since I'm crap at small talk.)

Introversion is not an affliction. It is how roughly 50% of us are wired. The whole problem is that western society is currently geared towards extroversion, but it wasn't always so, and signs are that we introverts are getting back on the front foot.

Some pretty famous introverts include civil rights activist Rosa Parks, Charles Darwin, Albert Einstein, JK Rowling, and many others. Yes we often feel like social lepers, and we need to take time away from people, just to recharge. But there is so much that is good about being an introvert.

I've suffered depression over many such feelings of disconnection and inadequacy. And at the age of 55 I'm finally learning about the nature and qualities of being an introvert. And for once in my life, that understanding has me excited by the prospects, and happy to be an introvert.

Like you, I would gladly have given up a couple of dozen IQ points in exchange for becoming socially "normal," but not anymore. I wish I was your age again, knowing what I know now about being an introvert.

Check out this article. It actually excites me, and I haven't felt that way in a long time: http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2012/01/26/the-secret-power-of-introverts/

i dont feel alone now just be ourself dont care what people think im try yall stories are great

First, you have to realize that being am introvert isn't a type of disorder or disease, its quite common and a lot of studies support that an introverts brain is different from an extrovert. However, we also have different types of introverts. In my case, constant baraging by extroverts in turn caused a lot of social anxiety. It seems like you have something deeper on top of being introverted. You need to learn to be comfortable with yourself and with what makes you feel good. However you should also consult a therapist, it isn't that you are weird or have a mental disease, but you need to see where you have gone wrong. A lot of even extreme introverts do just fine socially as long as they take time off from everyone. Get in touch with a therapist and look up Susan Cain on YouTube.

I remember feeling a lot of what you are describing....a helpless sense of isolation, feeling as though I was unable to connect with others, and that I had no real place of my own. I will tell you that I have been through cognitive therapy, but not for being an introvert. My shyness and social awkwardness was holding me back from connecting with others; my introversion was not. It may seem like they are all wrapped up together now, but hopefully you can find a different perspective someday. <br />
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It may sound silly, but I learned to be more at ease socially by using my (introspective) powers of observation, sitting back and absorbing some of what others did, and slowly trying a thing or two. I gave myself kudos if I spoke up in a group, even if only to ask one question. This gave me the wherewithal to go further. And further. Also, I've learned that people (extroverts especially), LOVE to talk about themselves, and love a good listener more than anything. That's very often all the "in" I need in social situations.<br />
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Best of luck to you. We're all rooting for you.

I believe loneliness is a choice only for the brave hearted, not every one can be comfortable with me myself and I. It took me along time to come out of my shy shell and I did. I'm 36 and if I can start at this age you SURE can at 25. Do it I'm right behind you ....x

introverts are 60-75% of the gifted population. there is nothing wrong with you. Be proud of who you are!!!! Oh, and talk to a psyhcologist

hi just read your story and you sound really depressed to me about your life situation and what has and hasnt happen yet. We are how we are , just cause you introverted doesnt mean you cant have a meaningful life . I hope your life situation changes , take care of yourself ok .

you are a loner, and seem to have social anxiety(not a dr.) an introvert has no problems or fear of socializing. you can do,keep challenging yo9urself with social situation and be yourself. no one likes negative people, may come off to others as stand offish.<br />
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p.s. ive been a loner at times during high school (@ science camp). it was do to me seperating myself from others and it made me look creepy and non-welcoming

Well, the good news is I was able to diagnose myself with a scary level of accuracy.<br />
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness<br />
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It is a chronic shyness associated with social relationships, especially with women as it tends to affect men predominantly due to the way society works. It's nice to know I am not alone in this and that I'm not some sort of freak.

You are young and learning about introversion is a step in the right direction. I know it's difficult for a young man when there is so much about what a man should be. My son is also an introvert like me. Some people like flowers are late bloomers. You are not alone. :-)

This sounds much like my own experience too. One thing is I tried to be as social as I can be, though it sometimes doesn't measure up. I have spent close to a full session in the university and I have no close friend, except my fellow room mates. One thing I know is that I can become better since I think material problems are contributory to my being shy and not mixing with companies. All I'll just say to you is to keep your head up and have the belief that you can become better, and I think you will.

This sounds much like my own experience too. One thing is I tried to be as social as I can be, though it sometimes doesn't measure up. I have spent close to a full session in the university and I have no close friend, except my fellow room mates. One thing I know is that I can become better since I think material problems are contributory to my being shy and not mixing with companies. All I'll just say to you is to keep your head up and have the belief that you can become better, and I think you will.

existentially, you are responsible for your OWN development. yeah that's the burden of choice. the burden of freedom.. if you are depressed maybe you just need a **** but i doubt that's what you need. be honest to yourself and why don't you have a vacation to a place you've never been before??? haha it'll be a good start, i hope.<br />
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life is tough. be tougher.<br />
Bryan dela cruz

I am a very introvert person and I have managed to go out, find the love of my life, get great opportunities within the work world, and live a meaningful life.<br />
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Some of what you are describing is not introversion rather other things. Introverts just enjoy being in quiet solitude or with others that share similar interests. This is not because introverts hate people it is just stimulating activity takes a lot of energy and effort to get through. I enjoy being able to contemplate life and its meanings or thinking about deeper meanings in my relationships. As a right brained introvert I am artistic, I am reserved, I am philosophical, I am friendly, I am nurturing, and I am understanding.<br />
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Introversion has to do with the chemicals within your brain and how they react in different situations, you cannot change who you are in terms of temperament. I suggest seeking counseling for help with your concerns.

There are no symptoms to Introversion. It is a personality trait, and a very valid one! Why shouldn't we revel in accepting ourselves and simply being who we are instead of trying to be who we are NOT?<br />
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This is an opportunity for you. Now that you are LEARNING about yourself and who you are, maybe you will now be able to learn easier ways to accommodate the person that you know you are and be able to get the things you want! I am profoundly introverted, but if I am an 8 on a scale of 1-10, then my husband to be is a 10. It's just a matter of teaching yourself new skills. Knowing who you are on the inside and being willing to work with your strengths. I am not at work to make friends. I am polite, and I do the best job I possibly can. The only person I feel the need to worry about is my boss or immediate supervisor. Everyone else is just another ant. <br />
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I like to watch people, not interact with them. <br />
Take the MBTI or the Keirsey Sorter and then take the Enneagram. You can do any or all of them FREE online. Learn about yourself, you might be surprised to know that there are MANY MANY people just like you out here<br />
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All of my life I have heard, "Be happy!"<br />
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Guess what? Happiness comes from within! We introverts should have an easier time finding happiness, not a harder time. There are many tools out there to help you find a profession suited to your personality style. I have found that I naturally gravitated towards the jobs that fit me the best. When I saw a list of job suitable to my personality, I realized I was working directly in TWO of those given on the list.<br />
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Your life doesn't have to be impossible. It's all about working with what you have and making the most of your abilities. I think of my introverted ways as a strength, not a weakness. By doing that, I am better able to grab opportunities as they come to me. <br />
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I wish you luck, happiness and knowledge.

you arent the only one out there.i still get upset and depressed by the fact that i cant really interact freely with everyone around and i have to make an extra effort to make even casual conversation.but still i have recognisedthe way iam and the key is to keep remindin yourself bout the way you are and don't gey carreid away by people who are really extroverted by nature i for one do get carried away when i see a person who is really friendly and is easy going i get jealous and i tend to get carried away.but i just remind myself bout the way iam.i wasnt really an introvert in my childhood days but there were certain incidents in my school days which cause me to go into my shell..but i'm tryin to live with it.its nt really difficult once you understand yourself and jus share your thoughts with someone who is close to you that will help as well.there are a lot of other things that i wanna tell you but i'll get bak soon

I am extremely introverted, as is my partner. I have to agree with the others, what you are describing really is much different that introversion. Being introverted in not a disease, sickness or mental illness, it is a personality orientation. It's part of a persons temperament. I highly recommend that you take the 'Kiersey Temperament Sorter" if you would like to know more about your true temperament. I found the book, "Please Understand Me II" and the sorter contained within to be invaluable to my entire family of "introverts". Being a true introvert means that introversion is an intrinsic part of you and your personality, and it can absolutely be understood and worked with if you wish to expand your horizons. <br />
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For us introverts out there, I love the quote, "I'm okay, you're okay in small doses". <br />
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Please, reach out to someone today, EVERYONE needs help sometimes and there simply is no valid reason why you should be miserable in your life. <br />
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You have already made the hardest step, you put your problem out there, and let everyone give you feed back. Now it's up to you. Happiness comes from within. So long as we never stop learning, I believe there is nothing we can not achieve. Especially if we have the burning desire to do so.<br />
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Best of luck! You are on the right path!

i think there are alot like this . it will be ok!

I hear you, you aint alone in feeling like this. However i feel u are being to hard on your self. i know getting a J.O.B when u are an innie can be more than difficult. If only life wasnt so complicated, wish u e best, man (1 really do).

I hear you, you aint alone in feeling like this. However i feel u are being to hard on your self. i know getting a J.O.B when u are an innie can be more than difficult. If only life wasnt so complicated, wish u e best, man (1 really do).

I hear you, you aint alone in feeling like this. However i feel u are being to hard on your self. i know getting a J.O.B when u are an innie can be more than difficult. If only life wasnt so complicated, wish u e best, man (1 really do).

I hear you, you aint alone in feeling like this. However i feel u are being to hard on your self. i know getting a J.O.B when u are an innie can be more than difficult. If only life wasnt so complicated, wish u e best, man (1 really do).

I hear you, you aint alone in feeling like this. However i feel u are being to hard on your self. i know getting a J.O.B when u are an innie can be more than difficult. If only life wasnt so complicated, wish u e best, man (1 really do).

You are still very young & it is NOT too late for you to change your life. There are support groups out there for introverts and there's nothing wrong with therapy. You are not alone in feeling this way. I too felt that I wasted a lot of years of my life being an introvert not fighting for myself (careerwise, etc). I was 40 when I couldn't take it anymore..went back to school...went to therapy...took public speaking (extremely terrifying...but, it helps you grow)....& now I'm doing ok. As for dating, there's nothing wrong with signing up for eharmony or match.com. THere's a woman out there for you...probably feeling like you do right now. Hang in there & don't give up. Again, you are still very young. Things are NOT too late for anyone! peace.

Wow , the you responded to the call Im an introvert , is amazing you have explained yourself very well , and showed lot of hidden fears and emotions lot of us are passing thru , No I do not think you are really an introvert but bearly touching the surface , these are not the symptoms yet , you are very aware of the situation , Go search for your destiny , may be you should depends sometimes on Gods will to make things happen....There is a preverb which says " For every mountain to climb there is a hill to desend " so good luck your ok.

There's a difference between being an introvert and being pathologically shy and unable to have meaningful interaction with others. <br />
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Personally, I find the internet to be a great way to get a little human interaction when I'm not feeling up to coming face to face with actual humans. I accidentally met my husband that way. We're both a little shy and a lot introverted, but we were able to talk to each other online. Then after we were comfortable with each other, we actually met.

I honestly have trouble knowing how to act in social situations and with being open, but honestly I have been working at this customer service call center for a little bit (partly to learn or help my social issues).. That place is flooded with people that can talk their mouths off and its a good place to learn.. quite a headache at times but you get into a sort of habbit in social situations and it makes it easier. I suggest starting there if you want to try it out.

Don't know if you'll read this, but yes you are referring to more than being introverted. If you have one trusted person in your life, please consider reaching out to them by talking about the least vulnerable concern you have - for example simply saying: you know, i dont get how you (or so and so) is so at ease in public, what do you think is the key? Something like that anyway and you may start to find out that even though people seem so far out of reach - they'll be much more compassionate than you can imagine.<br />
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Good luck - <br />
Cynthia<br />
www.introvertbydesign.com<br />
ibd@introvertbydesign.com

I am thinking that what you're describing goes beyond introversion. You sound quite depressed and hopeless. It's not your introvert tendencies that are doing this to you - I'm a dyed-in-the-wool introvert, and have experienced none of the things you're describing. You have a social anxiety disorder, perhaps. You are not able to 'read' social situations and interact with people appropriately. This isn't mere introversion...it's more...you should seek help, if you want more out of life..Please, look into it, at least research social anxiety disorder online to understand what's going on. I wish you the very best. N