Detached And Alienated

When I was a child, people always commented that I was very silent, obedient. During high school, most people respected me for being a good listener, being a calm person, and kind to everyone. But many times I received comments like “are you bored?”, “aren’t you enjoying yourself”? “you look so different, is there something on your mind?”, etc…

People always seemed to conceive the impression that there’s something wrong with them or me if I go silent.

I was so sick and tired of these conclusions, that still to this day, when someone gives a similar comment I get angry & upset.

I think after 4th year in high school, I started developing more extroversion. I forced myself to chit chatter, go out to pubs and parties, work as a waiter at events and just be more out going and assertive.

I don’t think many can understand how tiring this is, to pretend and fake your emotions everyday. It has come to a point where I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m dominated by feelings of detachment, and alienation from everyone, because when I am myself, people always comment or behave about it in a negative way.

lorsun lorsun
22-25, M
1 Response Feb 21, 2010

I totally relate to that.