Over 50 Male Virgin

I suppose there may be a rare few others like me. A lifetime of belief, convictions, circumstances, events mixed with a little bit of shyness and inhibition and now I'm over 50 and never had sex. At this point in life I no longer have any expectations that that's going to happen and have turned my attention from wishing for it to just going on living life as I am. If I die a virgin, so be it. I'm not unhappy nor do I dwell on wishing for something that's never going to be. There are other things in life to enjoy and participate in.

I guess I'm sort of fixed on remaining as I am. I recently went out to eat with some folks. There was a single woman there around my age. Actually, she was sort of attractive. It was clear she was wanting to get to know me. I liked her socially and went on a date. But I made it clear that I liked her socially, but I didn't see marriage or a sexual relationship in my future. She sort of understood but we parted company. That was probably my last chance for a sexual relationship. I just couldn't see myself changing.

While I'm not ashamed of my virginity, my acquaintances who find out usually don't believe me, think something's wrong or dwell on trying to fix me up with somebody. So, this isn't something I exactly advertise with people I meet.
truevirgin truevirgin
51-55, M
31 Responses May 14, 2011

Sorry about this being 5 years late but I have only just come across this post.I am 48 getting onto 49 and am a virgin I am male and not really liked by the opposite sex because most women I come across call me a weirdo and ugly.I wish I was born without sexual feelings because I hate seeing other men with their girlfriends being happy when no one wants to know me.Well gay men find me attractive but sadly I am not gay.I also hate women that dress slutty then call me nasty names for looking at what they are showing.I wish I could have a surgical operation that could rid me off my feelings but at least the older I get the less interest I have in sexual things.I have nothing to offer a women so cannot see my luck ever changing.

I am a 68 year old involuntary black male life-long virgin who has never kissed a lady, and has never full hugged a lady, yet people say that I sexually offend them. Suffering having to burn per 1 Corinthians 7:9 results in my sinning per Matthew 5:28, which for all I know may result in my having a home in Hell in my afterlife. Jesus Christ has never promised me a wife, and life-long virgin black women my age have apareunia which means if God gave me the gift of one of them for a wife, my marriage would not be consummative. Wail! Woe is me!

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I'm a 52 yo male virgin. Attracted to men, but choose to live a celibate life rather than a homosexual life. I don't tell anyone because I get flack from all sides--Christians tell me I can change if I pray hard enough (I guess I haven't figured out "hard prayer" in more than 30 years), and others tell me to embrace my sexuality. I'm very lonely because I don't think it's fair to date women, because they expect an honest relationship, and I don't want to tell them I'm not sexually attracted to women, and I don't want to date men. I feel awkward most of the time.

I was a 50 year old virgin. I was very ashamed of it and didn't tell anyone. Old friends knew of course. I tried a dating site and found a great lady. I failed the first couple times we tried but she was ok. Relax guys, if you find the right girl, you'll be alright. It gets much better with practice. Apparently, most people really aren't expert lovers. I was scared of being too obviously inexperienced but it really does come naturally. Good luck to you all.

I am a 49 year old female virgin and have felt so odd for so many years that I am grateful to have stumbled upon this site. I didn't know there were so many others out there, least of all men. I had a violent alcoholic father and think that in many ways that kept me away from men when I was young, plus my parents kept me at home babysitting siblings all through my teenage years which eventually led me to becoming socially awkward. I just never knew how to be around boys and men. Then I became a devout Christian in my 20s and knew I wouldn't have sex before marriage. However, in the meantime the possibility has rarely come up, and when it has, it's been creepy guys just wanting to use me so that has scared me off even more. When people ask me why I'm not married my answer is that no one has ever asked me to marry them, and that's the truth. I have always wondered what is wrong with me - why guys only want to be my friend, and I don't have the answer despite close friends telling me there is nothing wrong with me. I haven't dated or ever been in love though I so want to be. Although I have overcome a lot of my social awkwardness and am friendly and able to have really good friendships, sex will always be something I worry about. What I need is someone willing to become really good friends with the additional attraction of wanting to be my partner too eventually - but for me to feel comfortable with him to be able to go to the next level, I need to have time to learn trust and become truly comfortable with him - then maybe we can figure out the sex together. Just want to thank you all for sharing your stories and helping me to no longer feel like the only virgin over 40 on the planet!

Hi i am a 56 year old male and never met any ladies with whom I got on with in the regard to becoming a sexual partner so I am in the true sense. I am a"virgin" I have read a good few of the responses here to others 'confession'. my question is why should it matter to any one else whether this matters .I consider myself to be kind soul who likes to be of use to mankind just not in way of increasing the population . So count me in as one those who haven't 'done it' I am neither ashamed nor proud of my virginal status it just is. I am happy at being single and as for those poor folk beating themselves up over being without sexual experience please try to remember you are of considerable value to many others perhaps unknown to you.

Hello scout my name is Douglas whilst there is no reason for you to trust a total stranger but I would like to be a friend. Many years ago my guitar teacher and friend, once told me about his wife. After a guitar lesson, the subject came on to partners and so forth he considered his wife to be his best friend, that is not just a lover,or a mum to his kids or as his wife but always his best pal first and everything else second. And that's how I think it should be. Please do not misunderstand me and think I am so forward to presume to expect any possible friendship to develop in the manner I have outlined. I merely. In my clumsy way was putting over a point of view. I do hope you find friendship true friendship, in your life thanks from Douglas

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Hi yep making me feel better not too alone after all seeing similar guys professional male fast approaching my 50th and still a virgin have had many dates but never turned into anything older I get not to bothered now if those are the cards I have been dealt so be it

Guys, you should definitely have sex. At first sex can (and usually will) be frustrating, but with time and effort it becomes very good. I'm a 29 years old male and I don't consider myself a sexually experienced guy (or at least I think I've had less sex than the average guy my age), but I can tell you that with practice sex only gets better and better. With all due respect, I think you should reconsider your I'm-fine-this-way attitude, because life is short and you're missing really good stuff. That's just my two cents.

Good point!!

I would like to ask people if they think that there is a difference in attitude between the UK and the USA toward older virgins. I ask this question because when I have read other web sites covering the same or a similar topics and people posting from the US appear to be more accepting of older male (and female) virgins.

Sorry typing error above, should read "covering the same or similar topics" on the third line.

as a 62 year old male virgin ,i think attitude have changed in the uk. virgin are now freaks.and are now .just a joke .known as losers .changes have happened in the last 15 years.

By changes in the last 15 years, do you mean attitudes are becomming more negative?

yes that is it .first time i was on tv as proud to be a virgin on 12 dec 1999 i was told how right i was .only to find in dec 2008 on the last show i did .that i was now a joke.so things have changed.

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It's obviously a situation that becomes tougher and tougher as the years go by. Not helped at all by the pressures and stigma's that society imposes on all of us. Having read through some of the comments I can see that it causes a lot of anxiety and mental pain. There are understandably a lot of self protecting comments used, which unfortunately add to the barriers and really don't help the situation.
There is no shame at all in your situation and there certainly is nothing wrong with you. Different circumstances could have meant a whole different life for any of us. It is not wrong in any way at all to have sex out of wedlock. Marriage is a relatively recent thing in the evolution of mankind and not a necessary requirement at all. That stigma has caused so much unnecessary suffering to so many people in the past it is rediculous. The only taboo's in sex is not to abuse the underaged innocent (of course) and not to force somebody who is not concentual. I personally think that contraceptives are a must unless you are in a safe relationship and planning children with serious thought of their upbringing. But that is not always agreed with in certain religions and is entirely your decision. But in order to get what you are seeking you need to overcome the mental blocks first.
You are special and there is always somebody out there for you I assure you. Just like in anything you want to achieve, focus on where you want to get not on where you are or have been in the past. There is nothing more rewarding than true love and you deserve it in heaps.

Good for you
i lost my virginity at 47
i regret it like hell. I am Christian and wish I had stayed a virgin as I know it is wrong to bave sex out of marriage
you have 't missed anything believe me
your life is good. Carry on as you are

reposting bc it appears to be lost -- I am a divorced woman with a child dating a man who is a 50 year-old virgin for Christian religious/moral reasons. I agree w the other woman poster who wrote about how much I admire my bf and really care about him. I admire how he's maintained his standards all of these years. I am a devout Christian also and we plan to wait until marriage to have sex. I, too, am concerned that he might think i'm "too" experienced and he might wonder about my past experiences. I really like him a lot, however, and will continue to proceed. I just believe things will work themselves out.

btw, my guy and I met on eharmony. I highly recommend it. they even have a site specifically for the over-50 crowd.

4 days to go till i am a 62 year old male virgin .still proud.

I guess I have a different feeling than most. I am also a 50 year old virgin and I'm not happy. In my case there are certain physical limitations along with many of the usual social, self confidence, self esteem issues that probably make it almost impossible to be intimate. To me it's an increasingly empty unnatural feeling that gets worse daily that sometimes is almost unbearable. I also don't see it changing and I don't think I can deal with that. But that's just me.

Yes, I still get depressed about it every once in a while, and I realize there is a big hole in my life. Somehow, I just soldier on...

I gave up on losing my virginity (50 years old now) because of all the losers I kept meeting. I know now it will never happen because I'm simply not interested in meeting women my own age (everyone I've met has regaled me with stories of the failures of their previous marriage/relationships) and I'm not attracted to them in the very least

Hi, I'm working on a wonderful project about couples who haven't done IT yet, for whatever reason. We're working with the best relationship therapists in the country. Please message me for more details.

From the UK, 47 and counting here!

Hi, I am a fit, healthy male aged 55, living in Slough, England, and I am still a virgin. I have devoted a lot of my life so far to travel, and have travelled all over the world (66 countries at last count) but I have never had sexual intercourse or even been near to it. I am 6ft 5ins tall, and I sometimes hear that women "love tall men" but it has never helped me. Quite the opposite. At my age, my sex drive is now in decline, and I doubt that I will ever lose my virginity, to be honest. I don't mind that, but I would dearly love to do some kissing. In my adult life, I have never really had a passionate kiss either, not if you count a kiss as being more than 15 seconds long. However, I did kiss two girls at a party when I was 15.
There is not much I can add, except to sincerely promise that the above is true. I think it's more common than most people realise, but it's hidden.

Like you, I've never truly kissed a girl in a passionate way. I've noticed that with many older male virgins that the closest they ever came to passion or sex with a girl was during their teen years in school.

I'm in the same boat as you except that I've never even been on a date. I turned 50 several months ago, and I have learned to accept myself the way I am. I am sure there are others out there that have much bigger problems than I do.

well said ,be proud ,there is so few of us out there.

To All of the Virgin Men, both young and old...I SALUTE YOU! I'm in a new relationship and he just told me that he is a virgin, he's going to be 50. He was afraid of my reaction, however, I surprised him. I am so impressed that he has kept himself pure (by choice, he is a Christian). He is a total gem in my book. Male Virgins out there...please be proud of your virginity and don't ever worry about what woman are going to think or say because it doesn't matter. And, if you are a male virgin that is going to have sex and have trepidation...don't over think it. First off, no one should be having sex until they truly get to know one another, and that takes all 4 Seasons. And then when you do, you know the person so well that the sexual act will be one of great intimacy and not one of "bang, leave and feel empty inside". Blessings to all.

well said

I live in Iceland.
I share a very similar life as a 59 years male Virgin, by choice.
I think we are very few in the whole world.
I am interested in all male Virgins over 50 to meet to share their experience in life.

there should be a tv show on the over 50 virgins . that way people would understand, how we tick .why we choose to be like this.

Yes. Because we have a lot to tell people! For me f.e. I have lived a VERY experienced life and very often a difficult life.

I am in the process of writing down my story in Icelandic.

I serious in finding out if this can be done.

i have been on 4 tv shows and two phone in shows but you don't get to say what you want in the time given i was recorded for an hour and a half but you only get to talk about 6 min .i did a live show once and forgot what i was going to say when i was asked a question . i had it all thought out what to say .till i was asked the question.

Do you know of any well known male Virgin over 50?

I am going to contact tv stations in Iceland and mention the idea of tv show about male Virgins.

no do not know of anyone .but i am not 50 i am a 61 year old male virgin in Scotland .there is not a lot of us. as we can see on this site.i do this for me .nothing to do with religion .but i am proud of what i am .the first show i did was in 12 DEC 1999 the last one i did was Jan 2008.

For me it is religious and because what happened to me when i was 5 years.

Here in Iceland there has been no TV show on this matter. Not that I know of. I am probably the only male Virgin in Iceland over 50 (59) and this would be a very difficult to discuss over here, f.e. because of the populate in Iceland is only around 345.000

But what I am interested in is to have a TV show and inviting some "famous" male Virgins over 50.

well count me in then i was on the Trisha show 12 dec 1999 called proud to be a virgin.then this morning live march 2000 .then the wright stuff 2003. then the first Friday night project with Lorraine Kelly.about jan 2006. then back on the trisha show in 2008.

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Where do all you male virgins live? I'm a lady in her mid 50s in Wisconsin and I'd love to date a virgin. I have the utmost respect for you and if you want to stay a virgin that's fine. If you want to start slowly with some sexual experiences that's fine too.

I live in Southern California. I guess that I'm a long way from where you live. As of now, I still am a virgin. Nothing's changed yet!

Well, if you ever find yourself in Wisconsin look me up. Good luck to you.

First of, to Carol - I have never been to Wisconsin though I get the impression that it's a nice place. The closest I have been was at Chicago at O'Hare Airport. But maybe I'll get that way someday.

Well, I'm still a virgin (but not by my ultimate choice). I am posting today because this is an anniversary for me that meant a lot (no I'm not married). It was 40 years ago at this time that I met a girl that I fell in love with. She loved me, too. Well at least I feel like she was the one who got it started.

I'll never forget that day. It was totally unexpected when it happened. It just happened out of the blue. I was in High School and a friend of mine that I sat with at lunch just told me that this girl wanted to meet me. I didn't know who she was and never heard of her. Well, we did meet after lunch and I felt like an idiot because I could hardly say a word. But when we parted, she told me that she would love to meet me.

When we got together, the love just seemed to happen by itself. It was so beautiful. And it was so nice as time went on. But unfortunately, it ended after a few months.

Funny thing is that it was so long ago when that happened, and since that time up to now, there has never been a moment like that for me. There were girlfriends (short termed), dates, and some flings. But nothing like that girl I met 40 years ago today.

I'm am 56 years old now, so I was 16 when it happened. There's no one in my life and it looks like there never will be. I guess that's the way life goes.

how many of u have had a religious upbringing? marriage is a big step and the 'waiting till marriage' can be a huge barrier to overcome psychologically.
i think losing your virginity to a woman who's also inexperienced may be the solution for some, and just remember the first time is usually not great for anyone so don't worry about it too much.

And I thought being a 22 year old virgin was impressive. (;
In my opinion, it'll happen WHEN it's supposed to happen, and with who. We can't force it.

I am a 52 year old mother of 3, divorced, who recently met a man who is a 49 year-old virgin. I decided to post on here in case you wanted to hear the other side (honestly) of how a woman like me feels about that.

I REALLY like this man, maybe more than anyone I ever have before in terms of being on the same wavelength-in spite of our very different backgrounds. I have gotten to know him very well online through email and chatting, and we have both been super honest and up front about this AND lots of other subjects. I met him on OKCupid, which is one of the few free dating sites that includes lots of ways of getting to know a person-such as 1000s of optional questions about a variety of subjects including previous relationships and sex, as well as politics, religion, etc. I knew before I contacted him that he was at least inexperienced, but also that we shared a lot of interests and outlooks on life, as well as a great sense of humour. IN short, I was judging him based on many other factors, and writing online gave him the chance to feel comfortable with me before we met.

So far we have met twice for dates (he lives about 90 minutes away), once involved some awkward hugging, and once both a lot of hugging and some kissing after a great day of fun together, which I initiated because he was nervous and I was expecting that.

We are planning to spend this coming weekend together, and I am just as nervous as he is, as we will probably be at least exploring sexual behaviour. There are a lot of social standards on both sides, such as women aren't supposed to be more experienced and take the lead, and men are supposed to be dominant in bed. I admit I've had serious fears about this-which is why I am Googling the subject looking for advice. I am mostly afraid of three things-that I will come across as too experienced and make him feel like I am "slutty" because of it, which is something women are hard-wired not to be seen as in our world; also, that something will be awkward or embarrassing for him (like a premature *********** or inability to ******) and I will feel awful if he feels awful or bad around me. Thirdly, I'm worried that being the first makes me responsible for how he feels about this for life, which makes me nervous about MY OWN abilities in bed. And last, I'm scared that after months together he could still be awkward in bed and I will always have to take the lead, and I might hurt him if I lose interest because of it. I say months, because what is different for women because of our design is that we don't expect EVERY sexual encounter to be prefect or end in an ******, and if we care about a man, we WILL give this time.

I plan to be honest about all of this and talk about it: to tell him that I expect it could be awkward at first and that I am as nervous about "teaching" as he is about experiencing this. I plan to try to tell him up front that awkward stuff can and does happen in bed. I plan to tell him that I know watching **** is something most men (even married ones) do, and the rest probably lie about, so his private sexual past is not a place of shame in my mind and I would prefer he tells me honestly what is working or not for him. And on the last point about finding a partner is bad in bed over time? That could happen with any new partner, virgin or not, so I have already decided not to worry about it.

So, I hope telling you about this has been helpful. I couldn't find ANY advice online for the female in this situation, sadly, but at least I hope that all of you know that being in your situation happens for a variety of reasons, probably mostly social awkwardness and shyness combined with missed opportunities where you either didn't know how to take advantage of that fleeting moment of connection, or you just wanted it to be an encounter with someone you actually CARED about-and that's a good thing. Society's norms screw us all up....women included.

Best of luck to all of you, and just remember that every person you meet is fighting a great battle, and they are all different-even from day to day. None of us should judge a whole gender by the actions of a few individuals that hurt us. You are all probably great people regardless of notches on a bedpost, and not ALL women will hold it against you, but they may have doubts and fears that include concern for YOU. Keep the faith and have the courage to be yourself and be honest, and if it doesn't happen-it isn't all there is to life that has value.

Thank you soooo much for the kind and inspiring words. I kinda wondered what a female perspective on this would be like.

I am glad that I came here. I am a male aged 56 and a virgin. I came close to losing my virginity. You might say that I got to "third base". That was many years ago and now, as far as having a relationship is concerned and especially losing my virginity, prospects are looking rather bleak. I would love to lose my virginity, but it looks impossible now. I've gone to other web sites about this, but they seemed so trashy.

I am not proud of being a virgin. Though I would have to say that I am more at peace about it these days than I used to be. I have a friend from college who is my age and we live 3000 miles apart. He lost his virginity about 15 years ago, but had sex only once. He's gone a long time without any kind of date and girlfriend. Me, too. But now he has a date next week. It sounds like this could be good for him. I'm happy for him but at the same time, I feel bad for myself. I'm thinking, when is it going to be my turn?

I came close to getting married a couple of times. I was very much in love when I was 16 years old and it seemed sexual. A few months later, she left town. We had seen each other off and on after that. After she moved away, things were not the same. That was about 40 years ago, and to this day I have never met anyone as nice as her. And then I almost got married about 20 years ago. The woman loved me and wanted to marry me. I didn't feel the same way. So I let her go. Since then there has not been much for dates.

I feel in my heart that something will happen in the future. But I don't know how. It seems like I don't like many women around my age because they have been married and divorced. I feel like I can't relate to that. But it seemed like it was hard getting women back in my younger days also.

You know what? Years ago, that was something of a fear of mine as well. The prospect dating someone who had been married and divorced used to scare me because it would seem to reveal my inexperience. But what REALLY frightened me was the though of dating someone who already had children. Since I was so inexperienced with simply hooking up with a woman, I was not in the mood to deal with her "obligations". I wanted to start fresh--in other words I would have wanted her to concentrate on me rather than also having to take care of kids. But I've since realized that 90% of adults get married at least once in their lives, so statistically it would be very difficult to find a woman at my age (50) who did not have children, be it young kids or adult children. So I would have to learn to accept this.

I am a 47 year old virgin and I am posting on this site because it's inevitable that I will be a 50 year old virgin. So, what difference does (less than) 3 years make?!!!!???? I would be delusional to think that, if it hasn't happened now, it's not happening!!!! I am very sickened and ashamed of never having been intimate with a woman but I still do not know the reason. Shyness is pretty obvious. Lack of self-worth is another. Perhap's it's the God's plan for me! At any rate, I cannot believe that there are guys on this blog that are older than me.... But, I will, in due time, officially join you, so I am thankful that I am not the only one!!!! Thanks!!!! I AM NOT ALONE!!!!......AWESOME!!!!

i am also a 47 year old male virgin. i have never even been on a date or anything, nothing. at this point i don't even think i have any interest in women anymore. (and no, i am not even the slightest bit gay either.) for a while now i have been thinking how gross women really are, and for that matter, people in general are really disgusting. i can't imagine how most people can have sex and not even worry about all of those diseases out there that everybody has been hearing about in the media for decades. i am not religious and quite frankly, i never could see any reason that i should have been brought into existence in the first place. i have always thought that it would have been better if i had never been born in the first place. based on the postings on this topic, i guess that there are some other people who are still virgins that are older than me. i would not have thought that, until i found this thread.

I can see you're still somewhat depressed about this, and I certainly can't blame you. I'm pretty sure all of us would rather be in a loving sexual relationship. We all realize that in society, we are a small minority whose voice has never really been heard. After all, when was the last time you've seen a TV show or documentary that dealt with older male virginity? What medical or psychological research has been done on male virgins? Absolutely NONE! Oprah and Dr. Phil have talked about EVERY human issue under the sun...but I've never seen them talk about this. There doesn't seem to be a place for us to go. So again, I can definitely relate to your depression about this.
But remember: There were two people in this world who did a really "disgusting" thing, and a "gross" woman brought a BEAUTIFUL baby (YOU!) into this world. You seemed to have turned out alright to me. What I'm trying to say is that being angry at society or people in general is not going to do us any good. That's what this forum is for...so we can talk to each other, compare notes, and see what changes, if any, we need to make ourselves happier.

hi there
just curious to know that if you are virgin is it because of erectile disfunction or not being attracted to women? to say you are shy seems like a strange readon cause one can always have sex with a sex worker by paying money , you dont need to be a social extrovert or anything for this. So whats the real reason i curious to know?

we are proud of the high morals and standards, and we are not sheep .we be-leave in loosing it for love and nothing more.

I used to truly feel that way in my 20's but I've since become more realistic.

I guess you could say that partly it was due to shyness, and partly because I'm a introvert anyway. Yes, I've considered a sex worker, but I really don't like the idea of getting arrested (I live in the USA). The idea that prostitution should be illegal is very stupid to me. What is the problem with two consenting ADULTS (no minors) exchanging money for sex? The reason why there is so many problems around prostitution (sex trafficking, violence) has to do with the fact that it is ILLEGAL! Until I get the nerve to get together with a woman, (or take the risk with a prostitute), I'll stick with **** (video and live webcam) to get my fix when I need it.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. A lot of people have had their self-esteem and lives ruined by such emotional abuse at such a young age.

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update now 60

now 61 and still proud

yes of course its a safe place to talk about this but you know the saying,"try it. You just might like it!!! It can be pretty awesome!!!LOL...but i do commend u on sticking with your beliefs.

i know how you feel ,i am a 58 year old male virgin,and proud of the fact,i hate to hide this,i did that for many years,not till i was 47,in 1999 did i go on TV to say i was proud of what i am,and i did this ,due to the claims i must be gay,so i am not ,and i have my own views on gays ,and gay lifestyle.i find it vile.

well now 59 years old,still proud

well now 60 and still proud

Great! As long as you're happy as well.